Page 120 of Gone With the Wine

“Whaaaat!” They both shout the word at the same time.

“Bee! You can’t!” Ana says.

I give them a frustrated look. “I didn’t come home to stay here. And now I’ve been nominated for that award, I really have to go back."

“You won’t get the award if you don’t go back?” Millie’s brow furrows.

“No, that’s not it. I feel like I owe them. Especially Milenko. And he’s given me so much. The chance to make amazing wines like the cabernet franc, wines that are recognized globally.” I drink more wine. “It’s the chance tobesomeone. Not just a Martinelli relying on the Lambertis.”

“That is not the case,” Millie says firmly. “At least, not anymore. Your grandma left you the winery. She obviously had faith in you.”

“She gave you the chance to ‘be’ someone…” Ana adds. “Here.”

I let those words sink in. “True. But…I can’t stay. I told Jansen I’m in love with him and he doesn’t feel the same. That’s beyond awkward.”

“Wow.” Millie shakes her head. “I would have sworn Jansen feels the same about you.”

“Me, too,” Ana says. “The way you two look at each other. Touch each other. It’s absolutely adorable.”

I suck my bottom lip. “Really?”

“Oh yeah,” Millie confirms. “And Miles says when they run, Jansen doesn’t stop talking about you. He’s crazy about you.”

I shake my head sadly. “No.”

“I thinkJansenhas faith in you.” Millie tilts her head. “He trusts you to make wine from his grapes.”

“Yes. He does. He’s never questioned me.” My heart contracts painfully. I do love him.

“Don’t do it again,” Ana says, her voice soft as velvet. “Don’t put distance between you and him to protect yourself. Don’t let your stubbornness come between you two.”

“What?” I frown at her.

“I know how it affected you when your mom left,” Ana says quietly.

They were my best friends when that happened; they know exactly what I went through. They stuck with me through my self-pity and existential crisis. And that’s why I love them. They’re the only two people I’ve ever let close. I will love them and be grateful to them and loyal to them forever because of that.

“You never let people get that close to you,” she continues. “Not even Mark. When we graduated, you just said good-bye to him like it was no big deal.”

“Yes. Because itwasno big deal. And I did the same with Tomás in Mendoza.”

“We know losing your parents at such a young age was hard. I think it’s colored everything in your life since then. You expect people to leave you. You don’t let them close because of that. When things get tough, you shut down and create distance.”

I stare at her, my chest tight. “Gee, thanks.” Then I bow my head. “You’re right. Leaving here was creating the ultimate distance.”

“It also made you strong and independent,” Ana says. “Hard working. And empathetic and kind.”

“Thank you.” My smile feels lopsided. “It also made me resentful and stubborn. I know that. Since I’ve been back, I’m realizing I don’t want that to be who I am. I want to be positive. I don’t want all those old hurts to come between me and people I love. I want to trust people. I thought I was being so brave to tell Jansen how I feel.”

“You were,” Ana says.

“You said you’ve tried to put that resentment behind you and move forward. But I think…” Millie hesitates. “Maybe you’re still using that as a reason to leave?”

I stare at her, then at Ana. I lean my head back against the couch. “I want to cry.”

“I’m sorry,” Millie says quickly.

“No, no! I want to cry because…” My throat thickens and I swallow. “Because you might be right.” I hold up my glass of wine. “In vino veritas.”

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