Page 117 of Gone With the Wine

When we walk in, Moose greets us with his usual ecstasy. Bianca sits on the floor and hugs him tightly, her face pressed to his fur. “I’m going to miss you, buddy.”

The air in my lungs is burning. He’s almost likeourdog. I feel as bad for Bianca as I do for myself. Maybe worse. I fucking hate seeing her sad.

When he wriggles away from her, she swipes at her cheeks.

“You okay?”

“No,” she says in a “duh” tone. “I’msad.”

Without thinking, I reach for her hand and pull her to her feet, then wrap my arms around her. We stand like that for a few minutes, my eyes stinging, tension vibrating in my body. I just want Bianca to feel better.

Eventually we pull apart. She looks up at me, and I force a calm, reassuring smile. “It’ll be okay.”

She just gazes at me, then helps me gather up toys from every corner of the house, a big bag of dog food I just bought, and a several kinds of treats.

“These ones are his favorite.” I shake a package of soft cookies. “I’ll have to tell them that.”

We hear a car door and voices. I move to the door before they ring the bell, and Bianca scoops Moose…er, Benny, I guess…into my arms. His leash is on the table near the door.

I open the door. “Hi.”

A man and a woman stand there. The man says, “Hi. Are you Jansen?”

“That’s me.” I move to the side so they can step in. “And this is…Benny. We named him Moose, but I’m sure he’ll remember Benny.”

They walk inside.

Moose cocks his head.

The woman takes a step closer, smiling, hand outstretched. Then she stops. “That’s not Benny.”

I swear to God time stops. Totally freezes.

I stare at her.

“It’s not,” the man confirms, disappointment tugging his lips down. He peers closer at Moose. “That white on his head…this is just a spot. Benny’s white was a stripe that went all the way back.”

“The picture looked just like him,” the woman says brokenly.

My heart is thrashing in my chest like a wild animal. “It’s not your dog,” I repeat.

“No.” The woman’s eyes fill with tears. “Oh my God. I thought we’d found him.”

“I’m sorry,” I croak, not sure what else to say.

The man comforts the woman. “It’s okay, honey. We’ll keep looking.”

She sniffles. “I’m sorry. Thank you anyway.”

My head is a dry, forsaken desert. Relief has my legs feeling like overripe bananas. I don’t think I can move. “I hope you find Benny,” I manage to say as they leave. I close the door and stand there facing it, my eyes prickling, my arms tightening on Moose to the point he grunts.

I swallow and set him down. He prances to one of the bags and pulls out a toy. He has no idea what just happened.

“Hey.” Bianca takes a step toward me. “Are you okay?”

I nod and pull my lips back from my teeth in a smile. “Oh yeah. I’m just disappointed. I was going to ask them to repay me for all the vet bills.”

Her eyes widen. “Jansen!”

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