Page 36 of Jolene's Justice

“I was busy soaking up everything the Air Force could teach me. I was so busy that I didn’t notice what was happening at home. We’d moved into base housing together after basic was over. It was nice to have someone to come home to after a long day. Though soon, I began to dread going home.”

The weight of his memories caused him to grow quiet and retreat into himself. A lump of trepidation in his throat felt heavy like a rock, making it difficult for him to speak. The thumping of his heart was so loud that it felt like it was echoing in his ears, making it hard to gather his thoughts. The pod felt suffocatingly warm, and the stale smell of the space made him feel claustrophobic. Every breath he took felt like he was inhaling thick, heavy air, adding to the pressure in his chest.

Putting voice to the words that only two other people in his life knew about was overwhelming. The sheer magnitude of it all left him winded, and he struggled to keep his composure.

Jolene’s soft hand squeezed his tightly, urging him to overcome his hesitancy and speak. With renewed confidence, he opened his mouth and continued sharing his story.

“It’s taken me a long time to put it into words. I had to come to terms with the reality of what it was. And the shame I felt because of it. There were daily criticisms, threats, and constant demands that I should act in a way to support her, followed up with justification that the relationship was failing due to me. This slowly became my truth—I was a failure. I was responsible for her unhappiness and was not trying hard enough. I couldn’t reason out the argument or provide a response. I feared expressing an opinion—any opinion about anything.

“It literally tears you apart, wrecks your psyche and makes you believe all the wrong things about yourself. Your mind becomes a battleground, and the negative thoughts it inspires can tear you apart from the inside out.”

A sniffle caught him off guard, momentarily distracting him from his anxiety. When he looked down at her, tears streamed down her face. He reached up with his free hand and wiped them away.

His heart racing, he continued with newfound courage. “I never saw myself as a victim. She’d convinced me it was all my fault. I was the one with the problem. I was deployed a lot. It was damaging to our relationship. She had a knack for deflecting blame and making me feel responsible for every problem we faced. Her chronic emotional blackmail kept me under her control, exactly where she wanted me. I wanted to be the good guy. I wanted to work hard to fix things. I wanted to make her happy. It took me ten years and some harsh truth from my father to finally figure out that even as I altered every minute detail about my personality, she’d always find fault. I was complicit in her actions by staying silent, which led her to believe they were okay.”

As he spoke his truth, the tension in his body began to release, but he was still uneasy and avoided looking at her. His eyes were fixed on a single rivet, just across from where they sat. As she shifted, the rustling of her clothes seemed to echo in the silence around them. The warmth of her hand on his cheek comforted him. She applied some pressure to make him look at her.

“I’m beginning to understand. If you need to stop, it’s okay. It’s clear that this is not easy for you, and I don’t want you to struggle.”

He closed his eyes, leaned into her hand, and let out a sigh of relief. It was the best reaction he could ask for. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t upset. She exuded a calm and cool demeanor. She offered comfort through her understanding. Her ability to grasp the matter fully gave him a sense of calmness.

“I want to tell you more.” Their pod jolted abruptly as it came to a halt, catching them off guard and sending them lurching forward. The attendant opened the pod in front of them, and people shuffled out. They’d be next. “But this probably isn’t the place.”

Jolene’s lips tipped up in a small smile. He loved the peach perfection of her lips and longed for the right to taste them again. He shoved that desire deep down, willing his dick to do the same. “Probably not. What do you say we get some ice cream and head home where we can talk some more?”

“Sounds great.”

As the pod’s positioning adjusted, they readied themselves to leave. The door screeched in protest as the attendant forced it open. The bubble burst, and suddenly, he was hit with the overwhelming combination of sweet and savory smells, mixed with the sounds of carnival music and chatter.

Quietly, he trailed Jolene as they disembarked from the ride. The whirring of machinery blended with the excited screams of riders created a symphony of noise distracting him from his thoughts. The smells of fried food and sweet funnel cakes filled the bustling park, and the early spring air was refreshing on his skin.

When they arrived at the food area, Jolene made a beeline for the ice cream truck. She ordered a cone and handed him one, too. They navigated through the throngs of fair goers while savoring their ice cream cones, heading toward the SUV.

His thoughts were a cluttered, chaotic mess. The cacophony in his mind was as crowded and loud as the fair. The noise of countless thoughts and worries echoed loudly, creating a deafening roar to compete with the screams from the roller coaster. His head felt heavy and overloaded, like a messy desk that had accumulated too many papers.

The act of voicing his secret had been cathartic, but he remained on edge, the silence from Jolene making him uneasy. He was anxious to hear her thoughts. His heart raced as he imagined what she might say, his palms growing sweaty with anticipation.

He figured it could go one of two ways. Either she would be repulsed by his previous marriage and would have no desire to involve herself with a man as worthless and contemptible as him. Or she could be disgusted by his wife’s treatment and motivated to restore their bond. He hoped it would be the latter, and she would give him a second chance to make things right.

Once they reached the SUV, he held the passenger door open for her, his focus on the crushed grass and dirt underneath. Before she entered, she gently touched his cheek once again. Her unexpected move caught him off guard, and he quickly shifted his gaze to her.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

She narrowed her eyes and scrutinized him, as if she didn’t believe what he was saying. “Thank you for telling me. You’ve been holding a lot in for so long, haven’t you?” His only response was a brief, chin-dropping acknowledgment. “I want to hear more. I’m here for you, Finch. I promise.”

She leaned in and brushed her soft lips on his cheek before she got into the car, making him feel a little lighter.

Chapter 15

Finchwaslostinhis thoughts as he drove them home, which was the only excuse he had for not seeing the speeding truck until it was nearly too late. The blinding high beam headlights made it difficult to see as it charged at them from behind.

“Do you have your seat belt on?” he asked Jolene, afraid this nutjob would cause an accident.

“Yes. Why? What’s wrong?”

“Looks like maybe a drunk driver on our tail.” The bright lights made Jolene squint as she glanced over her shoulder. “I can’t see the driver,” she said, turning forward again.

---