Page 68 of Annika's Aurora

But Annika wasn’t so sure that was true. Logan’s smile seemed stunted, not quite reaching his eyes. Trepidation tingled in her spine. Logan’s mind was somewhere else, somewhere unpleasant, and she had no idea what was wrong.

Chapter 19

Thenightmarecameagaininthemiddleofthenight.LoganjerkedawakeandglancedoveratAnnikacurledupinaball,herbacktohim.Hopingnottowakeher,Logancarefullyextractedhisarmfromunderherandeasedoffthebed.Naked,hepaddedtothebathroom.Hegrabbedacupandfilleditwithwater,hishandsshakingslightlyashebroughtthecuptohislips.Disgustedwithhisweakness,heputthecupdownandplacedbothhandsflatoneithersideofthesink,breathingheavilyashestareddownintothebasin.

He thought about the nightmare. He’d hoped that being with Annika would have chased the nightmares away for good, but it just changed them. Before, it had been about Jamie and his guilt. Now, they were centered on Annika and the very real possibility that he could lose her, and it would be his fault. In his head, he knew that it was highly unlikely anything would happen to her. But he couldn’t get the image of her attempt at suicide out of his head; his nightmares were torturing him with it.

A pain in his chest hit him as an image from the nightmare that had woken him popped into his head. Annika hurt and bleeding. Her life slipping away. But ever since learning of her suicide attempt, that was all he could see, Annika bleeding. But this time, the nightmare was worse. As she lay bleeding, he stood over her, holding the knife, blood dripping down his arm. It didn’t take a psychologist to analyze that dream to tell him what it meant.

Despite what Annika had told him, he couldn’t help but blame himself. He’d made a mess of both their lives. And for what? Johanna’s confession about Jamie’s cause of death had hit him hard. Learning that if he had gotten Jamie out, it wouldn’t have mattered, did nothing to ease the tangled knot in his gut. Knowing his best friend had already been gone before he could get him out of the burning car did not lessen the guilt he felt. But it wasn’t about Jamie anymore. It was about Annika and the things his actions had driven her to do.

Fuck.And now there was Petersen to contend with. He’d taken Annika because of Logan’s actions. Or, in this case, his inactions. He’d failed to save Petersen’s wife. It was that failure that had driven Petersen to fixate on him, and by extension, Annika.

Christ.He stared unseeing at his reflection in the mirror. His failure had put Annika in danger. She’d nearly died … again. By his count that’s four. Four times he’d nearly lost her. And even if the shooting hadn’t been his fault, he still blamed himself for the other three. And Petersen was still out there, still a danger to Annika because of him. His gut kept warning him that something was coming, and it scared him to death.

“Logan?” Annika called out from the bed.

“I’m here.” Shoving his hands through his hair to try to tame the areas where his fingers had messed it up, he gave himself one last glance in the mirror before turning and heading back to the bed. She rolled into him as he settled himself under the covers.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m fine, Sunfire.” He kissed her forehead.

“Logan?”

“Mmm?”

“How did you get this?” she asked, tracing the scar on his abdomen. He flinched. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious.” She removed her hand from the scar and lay quietly.

“I didn’t keep my promise,” he confessed.

She tilted her head back to look at him. “What promise?”

“The one I made to you that summer at the lake.” He could see the confusion in her eyes. “I was in a bad place after Jamie. I pushed myself hard through boot camp. Then even harder through BUD/S training to be a SEAL. Once I’d accomplished that, I kept pushing myself. I took risks and broke my promise.” He watched as understanding replaced the confusion in her eyes.

“I remember now. I asked you to be careful and not to take any risks. I was so afraid something would happen to you.”

“That’s right.” He looked away from her blue gaze, not quite being able to meet her in the eye.

“And you did … take risks, I mean?”

He nodded, staring at the darkness outside the window. “Those years … looking back on them now, I guess I didn’t care if I lived or died. I had lost everything that ever mattered to me. I didn’t care what happened to me. It made me good at what I did but at a horrible cost.”

“Tell me, Logan. What happened?”

He sighed. “So many things. So many stupid chances. So many scars.”

“Take them one at a time.” She touched the two scars on his face. “How did these happen?”

“Debris from a building that was hit by a mortar shell. I was too close, trying to flush out enemy combatants we had been searching for. I nearly had them when they fired that mortar.” Annika pushed herself up and kissed the two scars.

“And this one?” She pointed to the small gash in his left shoulder.

“Bullet graze from enemy fire. I got in the way of a terrorist trying to kill us. I can’t share more than that.” She nodded then placed her lips over the scar.

She pointed to one on his right bicep. “I had a disagreement with some barbed wire.”

“A disagreement?”

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