Page 66 of Annika's Aurora

“She passed not long after that. Between her dying words to me and Jamie’s, I figured I could be patient. But you certainly took your own sweet time, didn’t you?”

“Sorry I’m late. I was busy being an idiot.”

“You’re forgiven. As long as you don’t leave me again.” He knew she was trying to mean it as a joke, but he could hear the underlying note of fear in her voice.

He wanted to make that promise to her. He wanted to promise he would always be by her side, but he could feel the guilt and shame from his actions permeating his thoughts. She’d tried to end her life … because of him.

He’d done that to her.

Him.

He’d driven her to that desperate act. An image of her bleeding in a bathtub entered his mind. He couldn’t erase the image. It was all he could see, and it was all his fault. He wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive himself for what he’d done.

“Holy shit!” she said, suddenly sitting upright.

Logan sat up to search the room for whatever threat she’d seen. “What? What is it?”

“Jamie,” she gasped.

“What about him?” She turned slightly to face him. A look of wonder suddenly on her face.

“After the worst of the grief had subsided, I needed to know why. Why did Jamie have to go? Someone said something to me once about God needing him. I thought that was rubbish at first. But the longer I thought about it, the more I wondered. God always has a plan, right? He must have needed Jamie for something. I comforted myself by thinking that Jamie had an important job to do for God.”

He must have looked at her in confusion since she continued, “I know. Too deep. All that God stuff. But it worked for me. He was there, Logan. He was with me in that boat. You said he told you where to find me. Couldthishave been his important job? Maybe Jamie died so that he could save me someday. But not just today. He also saved me when I …”

He knew she was talking about the day she’d hurt herself, but he was at a loss for words. It seemed a little far-fetched, but then again, there was that hunch he’d had in the helicopter that she was at the South Haven buoy.

She smiled and snuggled back into his arms. “Weird, right?”

“Yeah. Although it seems pretty extreme to take one life to save another,” he mused.

“True. I never said it made sense.” She paused for a moment grabbing his hand to play with his fingers again. “Although, you were ready to give your life for his. You risk your life for people you don’t even know all the time. How is this any different?”

“That’s a good point. I would have done it, you know.”

“Done what?”

“Traded my life for his. I didn’t want you to live without him. I knew how much you needed him.”

She twisted to look at him, placing her palm against his cheek. “Maybe God knew I neededyoumore. You did just save my life, did you not?” she teased. He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm before tucking her back under his arm.

“Holy shit!” Again, she sat straight up, this time nearly knocking him in the chin with the top of her head. “Maybe it wasn’t Jamie. Maybe it was Suzanna.”

“What are you talking about?” Logan asked.

“It was there,” she started. “When I was trapped out on the lake, I saw the Aurora. For the first time in my life, I saw it. I was terrified, and I was so cold. I didn’t know if I’d live; if I’d be found in time. It was so dark how could anyone have possibly spotted me there?”

She turned on the bed to look up at him, her knotted hair falling over her shoulders. “And I worried about you.”

“Me? Why me?”

“If I died?if you never found me, I knew you’d blame yourself. Again. I didn’t want you to live the rest of your life buried under that kind of guilt, especially because it wasn’t your fault. I remember closing my eyes and praying for more time. I wanted more time with you. We just found our way back to each other. I wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Then I opened my eyes and there it was, in all its glory. It was so bright. So beautiful. And I just knew.”

“What did you know,” he wondered.

“That I would have the time I wanted with you. That I would soon be in your arms again.” She lay her cheek on his chest and wrapped one arm across his stomach, hugging him tightly. “Don’t get me wrong; I was still terrified. But seeing those lights, it was like someone was sending me a message. Jamie. Or maybe it was Suzanna. Remember her poem? Maybe they were both there in those lights. Jamie knew how I’d always wanted to see them. It may sound crazy, but I believe he sent them to me. He let me know I wasn’t alone.”

“Nothing concerning Jamie seems crazy to me anymore. If anyone could have sent the Aurora to you, it would have been him.” He still wasn’t sure he completely believed in what Annika was talking about, but if it brought her peace and comfort, he wasn’t going to argue. She deserved all the peace and comfort she could get after what he’d put her through.

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