Page 10 of Annika's Aurora

Logan sighed and went back inside, searching for something to do. Heneededsomething to do. He went to the fireplace to make a fire. It was cold outside, and Annika might like to warm herself when she returned. But that took less time than he thought it would. At a loss as to what to do next, he sat on the couch and stared into the flames, wondering how he could have made such a mess of things.

Annika ran. One mile turned into two. Then three. The sound of her steps like a mantra in her head:jerk, jerk, jerk, ass, ass, ass,stu-pid,stu-pid.

She wasn’t sure who she was calling stupid. Him for what he’d done, or herself for running away from the confrontation. Yes, she was running away from her problems, but it was cathartic for her. Running was a way for her to compartmentalize her jumbled thoughts and feelings.

Her therapist had suggested she find an outlet. Since she couldn’t draw or paint worth a damn, and crafting was beyond her, she’d tried running. She took to it instantly because it allowed her the quiet time she needed to think, to reason through her problems and feelings. She’d been running ever since.

Realizing how far away from the house she’d gone, Annika paused to take a breather, regretting being too focused on escaping to grab a bottle of water on her way out.

Logan’s abandonment all those years ago was still too raw. But when she saw him sitting at the table this morning, he’d looked so miserable. She immediately felt the need to go to him, to comfort him, just as she used to. She had to escape before she gave in to those old feelings for him. And then when he’d offered to go with her, his dark eyes pleading, she needed to shut that down.

She could tell he needed to talk to her, but she wasn’t ready. It had been such a shock to see him yesterday that her mind and heart hadn’t had time to process and recover from the jolt.

Despite the fact that he’d looked so wretched sitting there, he also looked really good. He looked as if she could sink into his embrace and lose herself for days, as if in his arms, she could forget all the horrors that haunted her. Annika knew deep down that hewouldjust hold her. He would take on her demons and banish them if she let him. The temptation to let it all go was so great.

She started running again back toward the house. She couldn’t let it go. Not yet. She had to understand why first.

Chapter 5

Fifteenyearsago

Annikalay on her bed, Johanna’s arms wrapped tightly around her as she cried. It was the night before the funeral.Annikathoughtshe’dcried so much that surely there weren’t any tears left inside her. Butshe’dbeen wrong. The tears never stopped.

“Where is he, Mom?” shewailed.

“I don’t know, Sweetie. His grandmother says he’s at boot camp.”

“But why hasn’t he called? Surely the Navy allows phone calls.”

Johanna smoothedAnnika’s hair backfrom her forehead.“Maybe when you are newthere, you aren’t allowed muchpersonaltime.”

Annikapicked at the bandages on her hand that covered the burnsshe’dsuffered whiletrying to smother theflamesthathadattackedLogan.“He had to have told them about the funeral,though, right?They have to let him come home for thedeath of a family member.”

“But we are not officially his family. Maybe there are rules against that.”

“Why don’t they understand a stupid piece of paper doesn’t make a family? Heisfamily!” she insisted. “And he’s needed. God, Mom! I want Jamie! I want Logan! How could they have both left me?” She wept, overcome by her tears again. Johanna squeezed her tighter. Her father must have heard her sobs. He came and sat at her other side, gathering both women in his arms. The three of them stayed like that all night. Another trio. But not the trio Annika wanted with all her heart.

Present Day

Annika didn’t know why that memory had popped into her head. The grief had nearly destroyed her. To lose both of them at once, it had taken her a long time to accept that they were gone. And even longer to forgive them. After about three years or so, and numerous therapy sessions, she’d learned to forgive Jamie. He hadn’t left her by choice. And she knew that someday she’d see him again. He was her brother. Hertwin. A part of him would always be with her. She could feel him even now.

But Logan, he’d left her by choice. He chose to abandon her and cut off all contact. How could she ever forgive that? She would never have done that to him. She would have fought anyone who stood in her way if he’d just lost his twin. She would have been there for him.

He chose not to fight. She could understand if the Navy wouldn’t let him off for the funeral. She understood how that would have been difficult. But why did he not call? Why had he cut them out completely? Surely, he had been grieving just as much as they had. They could have helped him through it.Shecould have helped him through it. They could have helped each other. Why did he throw them away? Had they … hadshemeant so little to him? Once Jamie was gone, why bother with the rest of them? Was that it? She thought they had meant more to each other. That he loved her just as much as he loved Jamie. It didn’t make any sense. It never did, and it never would.

Having returned to the house, she passed through the great room and went right to the shower. She’d seen him sitting on the couch. He’d made a fire, and he sat staring into the flames, as lost in his thoughts as she had been. Annika almost went to him but couldn’t force her feet to change direction. It was too soon.

After her shower, she sat on the edge of her bed, trying to talk herself into leaving her room. Her stomach was protesting the delay. But she was too chicken. Her stomach growled again.Okay, I get it.You’rehungry. Sorry I thought about chicken. Why was she such a coward? Compared to what she’d faced in the last month, this was a piece of cake.

Just get up, go out to the kitchen, make yourself something to eat.Simple. One step at a time.

Mind made up?not like her stomach was giving her much choice?she got up and went to the door. Hand on the knob, she paused and took a deep breath.You can do this. She forced her hand to turn the knob and open the door. Then she forced her feet to walk down the hall.

See, one step at a time. Easy.She stopped when she reached the great room. Logan was no longer on the couch. Instead, he was in the kitchen, cooking.

“I hope you still like eggs?” he said when he noticed her standing there. “I’m afraid the repertoire of meals I’m capable of making hasn’t improved much over the years.”

“Eggs are fine,” she managed to squeeze out.

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