Page 28 of True North

I hold out a hand to Louisa. Hers, fine and soft, slips into my own, still shaking. I lead her from the living room to the kitchen. Now I see the mess. The upturned pots. The freshly made pasta flung around the room. Flour over the floor and counter.

“Jesus...” I mutter.

“I need to—” Louisa darts to the counter, picking up her handbag. I bundle her out the door and down the stairs. When we’re outside, I blow out a breath. That’s not what I wanted her to be a part of. Or witness.

Shame and regret heat my face. I hunch my shoulders over for a moment and close my eyes.

I should turn right back around and knock the old man off his block. I shouldn’t leave Ma there. But she insisted. And by the looks of Louisa, she can’t take another argument. Much less one with Ma involved.

I open the vehicle door for her, and she slides in, not saying a word. Clutching her bag to her chest, she stares ahead as I slide into the seat and turn over the engine.

We are halfway through town before she speaks. “Will she really be okay?”

Her eyes find mine. Tears shine and fall as she looks back through the windshield. She doesn’t wipe them away.

“I don’t know.”

I really don’t. Any moment of any day he could decide to snap. Be too drunk to know what he’s doing.

“I was so scared. He?—”

I pull over by the restaurant and kill the engine. “Best to forget anything ’bout Eddy Rawlins, Louisa.”

She turns on the seat and waits for me to look at her. When I do, her face scrunches up. “Rosie.” She blows out a breath. “She was protecting you. Your dad said such horrible things. Telling me to run far away from you.” Her face twists with the statement. Tension hovers between us as a stone forms in my throat. But she continues. “Your ma, she fought for you. Telling him to stop. God, the way that woman loves you, Harry...” Her voice breaks.

I can’t look at her.

I just can’t.

My old man got one thing right. Louisa should stay far away from me. There is no way in hell I’m lettin’ her live through this disaster of a family. That would be beyond damn selfish. I won’t put her anywhere near it. I couldn’t. It would take the last bit of strength I have left. The tiny sliver of restraint I’ve had around him would disappear if he ever laid a hand on her.

“You should go,” I say, not lookin’ at her.

“Yes.” She sniffs, wiping her face. “Go back to Rosie. Tell her I’ll see her next Wednesday, okay?”

I snap my head to her. “Louisa?—”

“I made a promise, Harry. I’m not breakin’ it. I’ll pick her up and she can come cook with me here if I have to.”

I don’t know what to say. My throat burns and the bridge of my nose prickles as the woman before me blurs. She’d do that for Ma?

“Sure, she’d love that,” I finally say, hoping the wobble in my voice isn’t as noticeable as it feels.

“Night, Harry.” She pushes up a smile.

It’s a sad one. Showcasing her big heart. The same one I fell in love with all those years ago. And there’s another chink in my armor. The first was in the diner when she wanted to apologize for old hurts and running off on the night of prom.

Louisa Masters always had my heart wrapped in hers, but it’s moments like these I can’t shake off. These are the single moments that stand out that I can’t ignore. Instead of acting on them, I store them away. Push them down, where light can’t touch them. So they have no chance of blooming back to life.

She does deserve better.

And I can’t guarantee I can give it to her.

Not yet.

When she’s safely inside, I turn on the truck and head back toward the outskirts. But instead of driving home, I park by the lake. Dropping the tailgate, I sit facing the water. The slap and swoosh of the small ripples moving across the water with the night’s light wind calms my racing heart and tapped-out nerves.

It could have been a lot worse.

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