Page 69 of Bending The Rules

“I know I do. So tell me what’s going on with you and Toni now. You know… I always wondered why you two didn’t get together, but I made it a point to mind my business – hint-hint.”

“Chill, Pops. I promise you, I wasn’t trying to interfere with you and Imara. At all.”

“Uh-huh. Stay on message.”

“Right. Well… it’s just with Toni… the shit is justcomplicated.”

“What’s complicated about it?”

I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Like… we’re friends, right? But then I messed it up – orwemessed it up – and she goes off around the world, and we don’t talk. She comes back, we finally work it out, but now it’s different. It’s like… no matter how hard I try, I can’t look at her as just a friend, and it’s messing with my head. This isToni. The girl I used to write letters to over the summer when we were little, and caught stuffing her bra, teased about writing some little nappy-headed dude’s name in her notebooks. Myfriend. But now, I’m… thinking about how our life would look together. She came to the hospital to see Bri yesterday, and man… she was so good with her that it had me thinking about what kind of stepmother she would be, and if she and Cat would get along. She’s sexy, and supportive, and funny, and easy to talk to… about everything except this. And the physical attraction…goddamnit.How am I supposed to be “friends” with this woman when all I want to do is touch her?”

For a long moment, my father just stared at me, then shook his head. “Boy, you are stupid.”

“How am I stupid?”

“Well, you have to be, if you think something this damned simple is “complicated”. If you can’t look at her as a friend –stop trying to.”

“But that’s what we are,” I argued. “That’s what we’ve been, for more than twenty years. Since we were little kids.”

“Stupid.”

But, wha—”

“Stupid.”

“Pops…”

“Stupid.I oughta kick your dumb ass, on Toni’s behalf, for her having to deal with you.”

“Damn, you don’t think that’s a little harsh?”

“I think you’re a little stupid.”

“Come on,dude.”

“Alright… listen to me, son. You have to stop being so goddamn stupid.”

“Pops!”

“Listen, I said. You’re stubborn as a mule, and lord knows you got it honest. But once you make a decision on something, you’re firm. Hard to change your mind. That’s a double-edged sword, son. You have to be able to be moved sometimes without being forced. You have to be able to adapt to change without making a mess. Look at how you acted all cold with Imara the first few months we dated, just because you were used to your Pops being alone.”

I sucked my teeth. “Man, and look at what happened with that when Ididgive in and give my blessing. It imploded!”

“That’s not the issue at hand though. What I’m saying is that… you can’t confuse the way something has been in the past with the way ithasto be. Time changes and experience changes people, and you have to be able to adapt to that, or you’re going to find yourself lonely. You can sit back on your haunches if you want to, holding on to this woman being your “friend” because that’s what you’re used to. But I’m telling you… you’re going to look up, and she’s going to be engaged to somebody that’snota knucklehead. And I’m not gonna want to hear about it.”

I chuckled about that last little piece, but sank back into the couch as I sorted out his wisdom. There was truth to his words, and I knew it. There were running jokes in our family about me being the stubborn one, and they hadn’t come out of nowhere. I wasn’t really the type to come to blind conclusions about things, so the decisions I made, the “truths” I held on to, were usually well-informed, and born of experience.

But the thing was… I had no experience here.

The idea of Toni and I being anything more than friends was completely new – completely foreign to me. Add that to the fact that she’djustcome back in my life… it made it hard to push myself into anything that could potentially tear us apart again – or worse, permanently.

Sex that first time hadn’t been a great idea. But it just kind of… happened. We weren’t thinking, we were just following the trail that chemistry had left for us. The second time… the drinks hadn’t exactlyhelped.But when it came down to it, we were doing what we really wanted. The uninhibited, unrestrained reality was that the desire for each other overruled the logic that we shouldn’t indulge that notion.

And now… here we were.

“I guess you’re right, Pops. I just… I don’t want to end up not having her in my life because I messed up again. We did that once before. I don’t want it to happen a second time.”

“Then don’t be stupid. Talk to her. Make it right.”

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