Page 53 of Bending The Rules

“I’m doing enough by getting on this stage in front of these strangers in the first place.”

I scoffed. “I know you’re not about to pretend to be nervous. You used to rock our talent shows.”

“Yeah, in high school and college. Do you know how long ago that was?”

“Not as long as you’re trying to make it seem. You’re gonna get on this stage and blow these people’s minds… I mean, half of them are drunk already anyway. Easy to please.”

“Whatever,” she said, giving me a playful shove. Her gaze landed on something on the screen that made her expression change. “Do a duet with me?”

I felt her fingers close around my wrist, and looked down at where her skin was touching mine. There was no mistaking that feeling of attraction – it was damn near electric. When I brought my eyes back to hers, she had her lip pulled between her teeth, giving me a look that was equal parts hopeful and just…sexy.

“Anything for you, Tee.”

Her face spread into the brightest smile I’d seen from her all night. “Excellent. This,” she said, raising a manicured finger to the screen, “is what we’re singing.”

I leaned in to see better, and an odd feeling swamped me when I read the title.Nothing Even Matters – Lauryn Hill ft. D’Angelo.“Really?” I asked. “This?”

She nodded. “Yep.” She quickly finished navigating the directions on the screen to put us in line. Once she was done, a notification popped up to tell us we had about twenty minutes before we were on.

Just enough time for a drink.

- & -

Toni had a beautiful voice.

That wasn’t new information, by any means.

I knew that, I expected it. I wasusedto it.

But I was still not prepared for the chills that ran through me when she opened her mouth to sing the opening lyrics of the song.

To me.

The crowd let out a series of whistles as she grabbed me by the hand, catching me off guard. There was a slightly-tipsy smile in her eyes as she looked me directly in mine, singing to me about how it wouldn’t matter if the sky fell, that the world seemed small in – unspoken – comparison to…us.

I recovered from my surprise in time to play along with her, telling her that I’d go through withdrawal without her love – and it struck me that maybe… I wasn’t “playing along” at all.

When we had our falling out, and she left… I was fucked up. No sugarcoating or getting around it. There was a lyric about her love making me feel ten feet tall – it was relevant too. Toni had been the first person to believe in my talent as an author, was one of the – if notthe—most affirming people I knew. Hell, there had been points where I only believed in myself becauseshedid.

It wasn’t like my life had been miserable without Toni’s friendship, but it would be a raggedy-assed lie to say that I hadn’t felt her absence. Acutely. In my career, I’d gained a lot in the time we’d been apart – awards, bestseller titles, money, and all of that was cool. But not having the person around who’d made it possible – the person who’d pushed me to finish, who took a chance on publishing me first, who celebrated me from thebeginning –the shit felt a little hollow.

Almost like it didn’t matter.

Toni squeezed my hand as she sang a line about there being no place she’d rather be, and it clicked for me why the song choice had made me feel strange. We weren’t lovers in the sense that the song referred to, but it was still applicable. And when we finished the verses, and fell into the ad-libs of the song, singing that nothing mattered but each other… the significance sank even deeper.

But was it possible to feel like that about “just” a friend? Hell, I don’t even think I missed my damn brothers when they weren’t around for extended periods, like I missed Toni.

Shit.

What if what was happening between me and Toni wasn’t “new” at all? What if it was a natural progression that would have happened over time, just hitting me all at once instead?

What if I was just now realizing the presence of something that had always been there?

I hugged her when we finished, and left the stage to a standing ovation that didn’t surprise me at all. We both knew how to put on a show, and we’d done exactly that… but how much of it was really for show?

“You two are such a beautiful couple,” we heard over and over as I led Toni back to our table. I felt her hand go limp in mine after shrugging off the compliment a few times, but I didn’t think too much of it until we got back to where we’d been sitting. Nikita, Rich, and EJ went to go do their performance –Caramel,by City High – which left Toni and I at the table alone.

I raised an eyebrow as she took a long swig from the fresh cocktail the server had delivered, then made a point of not looking in my direction, even though we were right beside each other. I frowned a little, wondering where I’d messed up – since it was obvious that I had.

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