Page 51 of Bending The Rules

“Whatever,” he shook his head. “You know you want to be able to cuddle up in bed and warm up your cold ass feet at any time. I don’t know why you’re playing.”

“Are you offering your feet warming services Justin?”

He sucked his teeth. “Man,hellnah. Keep your icicle toes to yourself, Ms.Need My Own Space.”

After that, it was our turn, so we got out, still laughing. Justin handed over his keys, then looped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in close as we approached the entrance to the lounge.

“Hey,” he said, stopping to get me to meet his eyes. “You sure you’re good? You know… about the shit with you and Russell.”

For a while, I hadn’t been good with the news of my infertility. I’d cried and yelled and prayed and cried some more, until I was out of the energy to do any of it. And like I’d told Justin, it wasn’t even that I felt a personal sense of loss over not being able to have a child. It was the implications of what it meant to the people I loved – at the time, Russell and my mother – that left me the most heartbroken about it. But now that I’d been able to sit with it a few months, I was getting to a place of being okay – somewhere I needed to be, before I could bring it up to my mother.

And as far as Russell went?

I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of affecting me.

I smiled as I tipped my head up in his direction, and nodded. “Yeah. Never better.”

“Are yousure?” he asked, taking my face in his hands. It wasn’t sexual at all – just…intimate. A normally innocent act complicated by the fact that last time he held me like this had been followed by a mind-blowing kiss, and my body was practically humming with anticipation that it was about to happen again.

But he’d been clear.

Down girl, I told myself, and swallowed the fact that it hurt a little.

“Yes,” I said aloud, trying not to look too deeply into his eyes. “Seriously. And if I wasn’t… I couldn’t think of a better remedy than going in here and having some drinks, and being silly with my friends. Okay?”

He leaned in, and my heart seized in my chest, but his lips landed on my forehead, in a soft brush that was barely a kiss. “Okay,” he said, then grabbed me by the hand to lead me in.

God, please let me get over this… whatever this is… soon.

Ten.

Things were definitely different.

I mean, not that it wasn’t already obvious, but damn… every moment I was around Toni drove it home a little more. From wanting to tear ol’ boy’s head off his shoulders for doing nothing more than getting on Toni’s nerves, to wanting to comfort her about the news of her infertility, to being a little too interested in her views on marriage and cohabitation. Why didherposition have me examining mine, wondering if there was somewhere we could meet in the middle?

If we were friends, why the hell did that matter?

Butfriendcertainly wasn’t the word that ran through my head as I watched Toni sashay up to the bowling lane to take her turn. The speakers were loud, and the overhead lights were off – everything was lit by the neon glow of the lighted decorations that lined the bowling lanes and pins. Perfect cover for me to have my eyes glued to Toni’s ass in her tight jeans as she made a big show of her turn to bowl.

“Roll the damn ball girl,” Rich shouted to her from beside me, laughing when she turned to flip him off. “Stop stalling, and let arealbowler get up and show you motherfuckers how it’s done.”

“Boy, we’re on the last frame, and your score is damn eighty-two. Let me know when thatrealbowler shows up, okay?” Toni teased, then turned back around. My groin twitched as she bent at the waist to bowl, then raised up, hands on her hips as she watched the ball travel down the lane.

“Ayyy!” she yelled, raising her hands and doing a little hip roll to the beat of the music as all ten pins went crashing down when the ball connected. Her eyes landed on me first when she turned to face us, with a huge smile on her face. She didn’t look at Rich until she started heading our way, stopping in front of me to taunt him. “Real bowl that,” she said, sticking her tongue out.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, laughing as he stood up for his turn. “You just watch this.”

“You gonna knock down more than three this time?”

They went back and forth a little more, then Toni took the empty seat beside me as Rich went up to the lane for his turn.

“You alright?” she asked, leaning into me. “You’ve been a little… quiet.”

I gave her a smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just a lot on my mind.”

“I like to think I’m a good listener.”

“Yeah, you are,” I chuckled. “But… I don’t know.”

---