Page 50 of Bending The Rules

Justin pushed out a deep sigh before he nodded. At the next light, he turned to me.

“Pops is pissed at me, because he thinks it’s my fault Imara proposed a “lifetime commitment” to him, he got completely pissed about it and shut it down, and now they’re broken up.”

My eyebrow shot up. “Lifetime commitment? What is that?”

“A good ass question,” Justin chuckled. “Shacking for the rest of their lives, I guess. Which Pops isn’t down with.”

“Why wouldn’t they just get married?”

“Another good question. But apparently, Imara has decided that because her ex-husband screwed her over, Pops has to pay for it.”

“What?”

“She doesn’t want to be married again.”

I sucked my teeth. “Oh God.”

“Exactly.”

I sucked my teeth again. “No, fool – theOh Godis aimed at you. Why do men do that shit? Think that because a woman has a bad experience and decides she’s not doing something again, she’s making other men pay for a previous man’s fuck up? No – it’s called learning from your mistakes. When you get screwed over a certain way,if you’re smart,it makes you hesitant to put yourself in that position again.”

“But my father wouldn’t do her like that. He’s a good man.”

“I’m sure her ex-husband seemed like one too.”

Justin groaned, and shook his head. “I’m just saying… it doesn’t seem like the smartest move to me. She came to me, all gung-ho for my approval to “propose”, when she’s scared of the commitment of marriage? What sense does that make?”

“Are you really this dense, Jus? You have a woman, approaching a certain age, who loves a man, also of a certain age. Both have been married before, thought they had the love of their life. But nownewlove comes along, and it’s probably scary, on both sides. But only one of them got dragged by the hair by love – Imara. And even though she’s scared of being hurt again, she loves your father. She wants to be with him, but she also wants to not put herself in the same position she was in before. This woman finds the courage to askyoufor your blessing, to buy a ring, to get down on one knee andask a manto commit to her… and Big Joe gets…madabout that? What sense doesthatmake?”

Justin was quiet for a few seconds, and then, “Well… I never thought about it like that.”

“Of course you didn’t,” I laughed. “Because the woman isalwayswrong. We’re supposed to roll over on our back and expose our belly to get scratched just because y’all are “good men”. And then, when we get screwed over by who we thought was a “good man”, that’s our fault too because we should have known better. But oh, we’d better not dare be hesitant, or, scared, or unforgiving, or make the next man put in work for us, because that’s just stupid… you’re all such “good” men. We should just be glad to be getting some of your attention anyway.”

“Ah, comeonnn,with that shit, Tee.”

“Am I lying?”

“Man…”

“Am. I. Lying?” I repeated, punctuating my words with claps as I laughed.

Justin shook his head, trying his best to conceal a grin before he finally spoke. “I guess I see your point. But what is he supposed to do, agree to something he’s not down with?”

“I’m not suggesting that. He has a right to his standards, just like she has a right to hers. But I’m wondering if he’s even given the “lifelong commitment” any consideration?”

Justin let out a bark of laughter. “If Russell had come to you with that shit, wouldyouhave considered?”

“It depends on what it would entail,” I answered with a shrug. “We each have our own place, our own space. Gives us time to miss each other, and have some privacy, if we wanted. You don’t have to adjust to anyone’s habits, do anybody else’s laundry. We could have sleepovers whenever we wanted, movie dates, all of that, then go back home – to our own house. Sounds dreamy to me.”

“Stop bullshitting,” Justin said, and I shook my head.

“I’m not! Tell me that doesn’t sound appealing.”

We finally pulled into the parking lot of the black-owned bowling alley/bar/lounge where we were meeting our friends. Justin turned to me as we were waiting in line for the valet.

“So you’re telling me you don’t want to wake up together, have breakfast together. Take comfort in knowing the other person is just in the other room if you need them. Fall asleep on the couch, have random midday sex in the kitchen, all the perks oflivingtogether?”

I tipped my head to the side, thinking about it. “You make good points. I see the benefit in all of those. So maybe… just separate bedrooms then.”

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