Page 63 of Stuck on the Slopes

After a few nights, my mom called me when the sun set on the east coast. I’d never been more grateful for her FaceTiming me; this time, for their first night of Hanukkah celebrations. As I sang along with the prayers, I felt a familiar pressure building up behind my cheeks. When my mom turned to light the candles, I was quick to wipe my eyes before any tears could fall. The act left behind a small streak of black makeup on my knuckle. Ima rarely missed a thing, and I didn’t feel like talking about how much I missed them.

This wasn’t just my first day here alone; it was my first Hanukkah alone, too. While Hanukkah wasn’t the most important holiday—not by a long shot, regardless of what end caps at department stores selling mugs and cheap menorahs might suggest—it still felt strange to be going through the motions of the winter holidays by myself. Hanukkah was, ultimately, joyous and not a week meant to be spent in solitude.

Yet, here I was.

When I watched the sky turn a brilliant shade of orange, the sun dipping beneath the mountains, I got my little menorah out and set it on the coffee table where it could be seen from the back patio. Abba gifted me the menorah, an old one he’d inherited from his grandparents, who managed to pack it with them before they fled Europe in the early 1940s. Since my mother had the larger, newer menorah, we kept this one more as a historical artifact, but Abba insisted I should have it to use again.

As I inserted the two candles, a knock at my door startled me. I stood, wondering who it might be. With Juniper avoiding me, I figured it was Mia or Edgar, but there he was, standing in one of his usual flannels with Sasquatch seated behind him. Brown fur covered his right thigh, standing out against his black joggers. From the amount, I’d wager Sasquatch had nudged him until he took his medication, left his room, and walked over here. I never thought a service dog would play wingman, but it seemed Sasquatch was a Newfie of many talents.

I had no clue what to say to Juniper. So, like an idiot, all I managed was, “Hi.”

In typical Juniper fashion, he cut right to the chase. “Listen, as much as I want to stay away from you, I can’t.”

I wasn’t sure if I felt crushed or elated.Clarification. I needed clarification.

“You want to stay away from me?”

From the way his brows squished together, and his lips formed a tight line, Juniper seemed like he wasn’t sure how he felt, either.

“No, that came out wrong. Fuck. I like being with you, Rachel. I do.” He was talking with his hands, something I only saw him do when he was nervous. “But I should stay away from you, so you don’t have to go through the three-ring circus that is the media.”

I was sure my frown matched his own. “Juniper, I’m a literal professional with this stuff. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“You’re a professional with press releases and all that, yes. I’m not doubting your skills with PR and marketing. But this? This is tabloid shit, Rach. I don’t want to subject you to this.”

I crossed my arms. “And what if I’m okay with it? I’m a tough girl, Juniper. Really.”

“You never signed up for this, and it’s not fair to you. You signed up for a job, not for people speculating if we’re having sex on the front page of magazines.” His voice dropped to nearly a whisper as he looked at his shoes. It made it hard to stay mad at him for ignoring me. “You deserve better than that. Than me.”

“Juni. Juni, hey.” I placed my hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look back up at me. “Let them speculate. If the most scandalous thing people have to say about me is that we’re hooking up, then I’ll take it.”

He simpered. “Well, if it gets to be too much, say the word. Sometimes, it’s too much for even me, given everything.”

“I get that. I do. We can keep things on the down low if it makes you feel better. Then we can get them off our back unless it’s about the lodge opening.”

Juniper nodded in short, rapid bursts, almost akin to a settling bobblehead. “Yeah, yeah, that will help.”

“And don’t you dare say I deserve better than you! I know you’ve been through some shit, so whatever this is between us, we don’t have to do anything serious about it yet if you don’t want to.” I took a deep breath, yearning to get him back on the same page as me. “But if you ever did decide you wanted this to be something serious, then know I’d be proud to stand by your side. I already am. Okay?”

Something told me Juniper wasn’t capable of doing anything that wasn’t serious. Maybe when he was an up-and-coming snowboarder ten years ago. But now, thirty and traumatized, I got the feeling Juniper threw his whole heart into everything.

The lodge was proof of that.

But he said nothing. He nodded some more while he took a deep breath in and out. Behind him, Sasquatch nudged the back of his right thigh. I doubted the stress was doing his chronic pain any favors.

Finally, he spoke. “You promise you’re not just saying that because it’s what I wanted to hear?”

“I promise. If I hadn’t meant it, I wouldn’t have said all that. I left my corporate niceties behind for you a long time ago. But you have to promise me something.”

“What?”

Part of me wanted to hold the words back. But I didn’t want to wonder for the rest of my life where we stood, so I pressed forward. “That you won’t shut me out like that ever again. Do you know how worried I was?”

“I know. I’m sorry, Rach. I couldn’t face you.”

“Then text me. Even if it’s an emoji. Anything, literally anything. Don’t leave me wondering.”

“You’re right. I promise. No matter how in my own head I get, I won’t leave you in the dark like that.”

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