Page 69 of The Romance Rivalry

“Why didn’t you tell me you were failing? I could’ve helped.” His voice has a slight panic to it and it’s the first sign Aiden’s given that he might be worried.

“I didn’t actually know it was that dire,” I say. And maybe I did suspect, but I had tried to stay blind to the truth. “Like Isaid upstairs, I’ve been having a hard time keeping my head afloat with everything.”

“Are you failing all your classes?” he asks. His face is stricken like he can’t believe he’s looking at such a loser.

“I don’t think so.” I don’t actually know.

“Irene, look, if we put in some extra hours and focus, we can easily do this extra credit assignment and pass lit. But are you going to be able to pass your other classes? What’s going on? I had no idea you were struggling this much. What can I do?” He kneels down in front of me, looking up into my face. But I can’t meet his gaze. My cheeks heat and I feel tears beginning to build.

Too many questions. He’s asking too much of me.

“I don’t need you to come to my rescue.” I’m on my feet, almost pushing Aiden to the ground as I jump up from the bench. I don’t know why I’m so angry, so frustrated, so helpless. I don’t know why Aiden’s offer to help offends me. “I’m not a charity case, Aiden.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just trying to figure out what it is you need.”

“I don’t know!” I shout. And it’s the most honest thing I’ve said this whole time.

He stares at me but doesn’t say a word. He won’t let me off that easily. I hate him for cornering me.

“Look, I’ll figure it out, okay? Just... let me go so I can figure it out on my own,” I say. I turn to leave, to walk away.

“Sure, Irene, run away.”

I turn and point a finger in Aiden’s face. “You’re not my parents. You’re not even my boyfriend. I don’t owe you any explanation.”

“I’m well aware what I’m not to you. You’re so terrified of failing, of disappointing others. But you don’t seem to worry at all that how you do in lit directly impacts me. I can’t afford to fail lit. There’s a lot riding on this class for me. So I just need to know where your head’s at and what I can do to help you, to help us.”

It’s not just about his grade in the class.

“You didn’t tell me you were on scholarship. That Dr. Kingston, of all people, is your sponsor.”

“Yeah, well, obviously there are a lot of things we haven’t told each other,” he says.

“But if I had known...”

“You would have tried harder?”

I wince at the direct hit. The words pierce through all my excuses and reach their target: my ego. I couldn’t admit to anyone that I was struggling. I didn’t know how to ask for help. And now I can’t just apologize my way out of it. My actions have real consequences that aren’t just about my parents being disappointed or me being unhappy with my course of study.

I can’t lift my eyes to meet his.

“Look, I’m sorry, I just...” He reaches for my hand, but I pull away.

“I’m gonna email SKCupid and tell them I want out of consideration. I’ll let them know you’re the right choice. You need the money for school,” I say. It’s a first step, and the least I can do.

“I don’t. I told you that already.”

“But you’re on financial aid and a scholarship.”

“Yes, and that’s how a lot of students pay for college. I’m not unique there. The brand deals are good for extra cash, for some savings, an emergency fund. But I’m not reliant on them. I just want to be taken seriously by people, seen as someone who’s good at this stuff. Just like you do.”

The problem is, because I cared too much about being taken seriously, I let every other part of my life suffer.

I look back over my shoulder at him and my heart hurts. I wonder what other things we’ve kept from each other. A part of me doesn’t want to know.

As he watches me, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look in his eyes, the one that terrifies me the most. I’ve let him down. And there’s likely nothing attractive about that to someone like Aiden.

I shake my head, no words left to say. So I don’t say anything at all...

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