Page 42 of The Romance Rivalry

Great review. I totally agree, this one hit deep. Are you feeling the book hangover like I am?

I stared at the comment. I processed that he used the word “agree” and also asked me a question, like he wanted me toengage with him. That was new. Was it a trap?

So, out of pure curiosity, I pulled up Aiden’s profile and checked if he’d posted a review today, too. It was there, the smiling face moving just a fraction as a dimple appeared on the cover of the post. The view count was ten times higher than mine. It felt like everything I had been working for was slipping through my fingers.

I slammed the laptop shut.

I was frazzled and distracted. Otherwise, I would have known better and actually shut my computer off. Or I would have remembered it was on sleep mode and never risked opening it up here where Aiden could see it.

I open my mouth and close it. I open it again and close it. His eyes follow my lips as I mimic a fish out of water.

He takes pity on me and backs up a little, turning his eyes back to the screen.

“Why are the views on your post so low? Have you been shadowbanned for something?”

I shake my head slowly, trying to think through anything I might have said in the post that would make the algorithm hate me. “No, I don’t think so. My views have been lower lately. Maybe... maybe it’s time for me to give this all up.” I swallow back the emotion, the deep sense of loss and grief that even the mere consideration gives me. For the past few years, this was all I had, the only thing that made me feel like I was worth something.

“Okay, Miss Doom and Gloom, why would you do that? Don’t give up so quickly. Maybe you can switch it up? Try a ‘get ready with me’ or a ‘what I eat in a day.’”

I roll my eyes and then shoot Aiden with a glare.

He lifts his shoulders in a shrug, although he at least has the sense to look sheepish and apologetic.

“Figures you’d say that,” I say. “Have you ever wondered why it’s always women who do those lifestyle-type posts, regardless of what their niche is? ‘Get ready with me as I read a book.’ ‘Here’s everything I eat in a day in between turning the pages of my newest novel.’ Not the most compelling content, and yet...” I let the point end itself in the air. “But a guy”—I wave my hand in his direction—“can just show up all of a sudden, flash dimples, and his views skyrocket, his mailbox is filled with gifts off his wish list, and his follower count reaches a number that others took years to cultivate.”

“What do you mean? Why are you mad at me?”

“It took me two years to grow my accounts. I put in a lot of work, planning, strategizing to make it successful. To get noticed by large companies who, because of my follower count, might take the romance genre more seriously. Who will take me, someone pretty unremarkable by most other standards, seriously. Consider me someone worth acknowledging, pursuing. But you, a good-looking guy, can just ‘aw shucks, romance is fun to read’ your way on the scene. And with barely even trying, these same companies assumeyou’d be a better representative for the book community. For romance. It just... doesn’t feel fair.”

“That’s my fault?” He sounds genuinely hurt. “I don’t know what you want me to say or do about that.” He rakes his fingers through his hair, letting out a deep breath. “Look, first, I didn’t just ‘aw shucks’ my way into this. And second, I’m not in a position to turn down opportunities just because I’m the new guy.” He looks at me, concerned lines appearing between his eyes, pleading for me to understand.

No, it’s not his problem. It’s society’s problem. It’s the system. And I honestly don’t want to dig too deeply into the whys. Because if I do, I’m going to find a lot of other issues down in that ditch along with it: internalized misogyny, racism, bias, classism. All the things that communities, even online ones, deal with. And the stuff I usually try to not think about behind the mask of “just wanting to read romance books.” Maybe that makes me the problem.

I let myself look over all of Aiden’s handsome face. It’s possible I’ve been wrong about him. That there’s more to him, something deeper that drives him. He’s his own kind of book to be read ...

“Besides, I shouldn’t have to apologize for dimple privilege,” he adds. His smile stretches slowly until said dimples make their appearance. And just like that, situation defused.

I roll my eyes again, but my smile won’t stay hidden in response.

Dork.

I reach into my backpack and take out the books for our lit class as a way to change the subject.

“Sorry to lecture you about society’s ills. I’m just stressed about a lot of stuff.” I lift upPride and Prejudice, its well-worn pages and slightly torn cover signifying that this library copy has been much-handled. “And this just happens to be one of those things.”

Aiden’s eyes soften, and he reaches for the book.

He was worried that picking Austen’s most popular book to compare against a contemporary counterpart would be too obvious a choice. But since we’re likely the only team that chose romance novels, it ended up feeling like the right call. Plus, it forces me to finally read Austen. Once I actually get around to opening the book instead of picking something much more interesting from my TBR.

“Did I ever tell you this was the first romance novel I ever read?” he asks.

I turn to look at him as he flips through the pages of the library book, eyes wide and bright as if treasure exists inside it.

“After I finished reading a few Austen novels, I wanted to find books that gave me that same feeling. Romance, yes. But also hope. Joy. The belief that there’s something in this world that can conquer all.”

“Is that why you started the online social media stuff?? To talk about the books? Because that’s why I did it. I had somuch emotion brewing inside me about these books, I knew I wanted to just find someone, anyone, who I could talk to about it. So I talked to my camera, hoping people who felt the same way would find me. And maybe those who didn’t feel the same way would somehow give it a chance.” Heat rises to my cheeks from the embarrassment of sharing so much.

“Yeah. I mean, initially, I convinced myself I only wanted to talk about craft, me being an aspiring writer and all. But honestly, it was more the emotions that I wanted to talk about, to explore with people. Sadly, people in my English class at my school weren’t that interested in talking feelings. And I didn’t feel like I could just shoot the shit with my stoic, science-brained brother or really any of my buddies about it. You know, there’s a stigma about guys who read, let alone guys who read romance novels. So, like you, I went online, talked to a camera. It kinda just took off and became this whole... thing... that had a mind of its own.” He stares into the book, but it’s clear he’s lost in his own thoughts. I give him the moment.

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