Page 72 of To the Moon and Back

Lauren shook her head. “No. It’s not. I just feel like it has tobe some kind of mistake.”

Carly sat up straight, forcing herself to rise to this damnoccasion and handle it with as much grace as she possibly could. Sure, it feltlike the one thing she’d pinned all her hopes on in desperation had justcollapsed all around her in grand fashion like one of those buildings theyimplode on purpose. Step one, however, was to be happy for Lauren.

“It absolutely was not. You’re good at this whole acting thing,and people are taking notice. Celebrate that.”

Lauren had gone white. “But this was supposed to be yours.” Shestood as if needing to take some kind of action, yet not sure what. “I’ll tellthem I don’t want it. I think that’s what needs to happen. I don’t need any ofthis, Carly. In fact, I’m not even sure that it’s me.”

Carly balked and stood with Lauren, taking her hands. “That wouldbe insane. You get that, right? Of course you want it. The film could opendoors for you.”

“Do I even want doors open? I’m happy as I am. I like my life.”

“I think you owe it to yourself.”

At the same time, Carly was aware of what this meant for herself.They were outside in the open, yet it still felt like the world was closing inon her. Her sense of self drifted farther away by the minute, and grapple asshe might, she couldn’t quite get her stomach under control. It pitched androiled.

“Carly,” Lauren said, as Carly dropped her hands. “I don’t knowwhat to say here.”

“Don’t say anything,” Carly said and kissed her cheek. She waswildly aware of the ticking clock, and the fact that she didn’t have a lot oftime before this holding-it-together thing was going to expire. Anuncomfortable lump had already formed in her throat, and she needed to get thehell out of there. She retrieved her coffee and inclined her head toward herhome. “I’m gonna go do some reading. I think the newVarietycame yesterday. Congratulations,Lauren.” She turned her back and headed toward the back door. She didn’t getmore than ten feet before the tears pooled in her eyes.

As long as Carly had known her, Lauren had been sensitive when itcame to other people’s emotions, and to her credit, she let Carly go.

Carly let herself into her office, her favorite place to sit andlearn her lines. Well, back when she had lines to learn. In place of the workshe wished she was doing, she spent the next hour watching the trees rustleback and forth. She felt unimportant and embarrassed.

“You okay in here?” Lauren asked from the doorway sometime later.She’d changed into pants, a black pullover, and short boots with a low heel.She looked fantastic, like she was ready to take on the world, which likelymeant she was meeting with someone or had papers to sign on the Hennessy deal.God. Was this Carly’s life now? She’d watch Lauren head out into the world,landing one new job after another, while she sat home and remembered when thatused to be her? Her soul ached, and she took a moment to answer.

“I’m okay. Really. You look nice.”

“You don’t look it, Carly. Will you talk to me?”

How in the world was she supposed to explain that she wasdevastated but felt like a complete ass for it? That she wished Lauren the bestbut not if it came at a price like this one? That wasn’t okay. As selfish asCarly had been in the past, even she knew that much. “I’m happy for you, I am.But I think the timing of all your success up against my complete and utterfailure is not the most ideal, you know?”

Lauren nodded solemnly. “I get it. I hate it.” She looked around,surely feeling helpless and guilty about what should have only been fantasticnews. What a pair they were. “Do you want me to go? Leave you alone?”

Carly looked up at Lauren, feeling vulnerable as hell. Why did ithave to play out this way? Lauren felt a million miles away, and Carly had nofucking clue how to fix that. She needed to be big and mature and an adultabout this, but as hard as she tried, she couldn’t muster the ingredients.“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” She blinked at Lauren, and inclined her headtoward the new outfit.

“Oh. Um, Rick has requested a meeting to talk through somecharacter stuff. I can’t imagine it will go too long.”

Carly nodded. She knew production would start soon, and Rick waslikely dotting his i’s and crossing his t’s. “Go. Enjoy yourself. I’m being anidiot, and you definitely don’t deserve to sit in on it.”

“Maybe I want to.”

“Well, you can’t haveeverythingyou want, Lauren.” She hated the sentence the second it left her lips. Thiswasn’t who Carly wanted to be, and yet, it was who she was becoming. “I’msorry. See? You should go before it gets worse. None of this is your fault.”

Lauren nodded silently, clearly feeling unsteady. Carly didn’twatch her walk away, but the click of her heels down the hallway told thestory. Alone now in the cold, stupid house she couldn’t afford, she let thetears have their way with her. The sobs came from the back of her throat, lacedwith fear and disappointment in herself.

Chapter Seventeen

The day had hit Lauren hard and fast. Pleasant, exciting,uncertain, and devastating, had all been stops on her emotion-packed day. Hergood-bye conversation with Carly had been the absolute low point that now hadher blinking back tears and wondering how she’d gotten so far out of herleague.

For her appointment, however, she forced herself to suck it up.

Rick Hennessy had his own office on the Warner Brothers lot. Hecame with that much clout. Lauren took a moment to google him in her car andwas surprised to see that he had directed several films she’d seen and enjoyed.That discovery left her more nervous than ever, feeling again like a secondgrader who’d wandered into the high school lunchroom by mistake. Surely,everyone saw she was a second grader, right?

She shook off the feeling and gave her name to the guard in thelittle booth at Warner Brothers, who then directed her where to park. She foundthe office Hennessy rented in what looked to be a small apartment complex onthe studio grounds. How odd.

“Hey, Lauren. Come in. Come in.” He greeted her as if he hadn’tjust shoved the meeting into his already packed workday and sat with her atwhat looked to be a cafeteria table across from his desk.

“I’m happy we’re doing this,” he said and ran his hand over hisbeard. “I was floored we found you, like it was meant to be. You know, the wayit all played out? Cosmic.” He pointed his finger at her a few times while hespoke, reminding her of all those really intense hipsters from college.

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