Page 18 of To the Moon and Back

“No, I know for a fact you don’t. I think you’ve shown all of usthat you’re a spoiled, pampered celebrity who cares more about herself than thelarger good of the production.” She let her phone arm fall to her side as shestraightened. “Go back to Hollywood, little girl. Let us handle the hardstuff.”

With that, Evelyn strolled back to the rehearsal set, leavingCarly clutching the wall and reeling. No, she wasn’t just clutching andreeling. She was also crying. Tears had pooled in Carly’s eyes, which mortifiedher no end. Only six-year-olds cried, and she would not let Evelyn see theeffect of her words.

“And we’re back, everyone,” Lauren announced to the company. Carlystayed right where she was, still in the room, but removed from the action.“Carly, you all set?” Lauren asked in a quieter tone.

Carly didn’t move. She couldn’t, out of sheer humiliation. Shewiped the tears that now stained her cheeks, but she wasn’t making muchprogress in shutting down the waterworks. This was awful.

She heard footsteps behind her and Lauren appeared. “I think we’reready to get—What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just need a minute. Is that possible?” she whispered,doing windshield wiper hands. “Maybe I could go wash my face?”

Lauren nodded, squeezed her arm, and moved back to the largergroup. “Can we maybe skip to the Mandy at work scene, act one, scene four?”

“Not a problem,” she heard Ethan reply quietly. “Is she…?”

“She’ll be fine,” Lauren said. “Just needs a minute. Allergies.”For the first time, Carly was overwhelmingly grateful for Lauren’sprofessionalism and owed her big-time for running cover. “Carly, why don’t youtake fifteen, and then we’ll regroup.”

“I’ll be back in under ten,” she said, trying to keep her voicefrom cracking. This wasn’t like her, but the pressures, the insecurities, thefear that she was continually letting everyone down weighed on her like atwo-ton brick upon her chest. This whole process was so much harder than she’danticipated. She was a good actress, but this required a level of depth andcommitment that had her on her heels.

She stared at her red-rimmed eyes in the bathroom mirror momentslater, as she splashed some water onto her face. The cold helped zap her out ofher paralysis and self-pity. She had to be honest with herself. She’d beenhorrible since she’d arrived, and it was no wonder veterans of the stage likeEvelyn had taken offense. This was her crossroads moment, however, and it wasLauren’s voice she heard in her head.Youhave to make changes to your approach to life, to your work.Thesentence repeated over and over, and each time she heard it, it resonated morepowerfully.

She somehow made it through the remaining hours of rehearsal, evencradling Evelyn’s face in her hands and looking into her eyes as if she was themost precious person in the world. She’d survived. Ethan had given her ashoulder pat on his way out at the end of the day, which hopefully meant she’dbeen forgiven. Evelyn had breezed the hell out of the room, apparently standingby her earlier assertion. As for Carly, she lingered, taking her time changingher shoes, packing up her belongings.

After a few minutes, it was down to just her, Trip, and Lauren inthe room.

“You got this?” Trip asked Lauren. “I promised Wilks I’d back upthe house manager for tonight’s performance. He’s a fill-in tonight and notentirely sure of our procedures.”

“I got it,” Lauren said. “Go play house manager.” They thenengaged in some kind of secret handshake that made her smile to herself.

Once they were alone, she dropped her bag and approached Lauren.“I can help.” She didn’t wait for an answer but instead went about assistingLauren as she reset the rehearsal furniture for the scene they were scheduledto start with the next day.

“This is unexpected,” Lauren said, tossing her a glance. “I don’tgenerally have my lead actors schlepping the furniture. You okay? Feeling anybetter?” She said it with kindness, and it meant the world to Carly.

She felt the uncomfortable lump rise in her throat again.Something about Lauren checking in on her made her crumple, like when her momused to pick her up from school after she’d had a bad day. She’d just blurt itall out in one giant release. Her safe place. “I’ve had better days.”

Lauren straightened, abandoning a chair midtransit. “Did Evelynsay something to you earlier? You can tell me, you know.” The soft green eyes madeher believe it.

Carly exhaled slowly, and it all came gushing out. “Only that Iwas out of my league, spoiled. She called me a little girl and told me to goback to Hollywood.”

Lauren’s head dropped. When she raised it again, her featurescarried compassion. “I’m sorry she said those things to you.”

“But you agree with her. You said so earlier. Sometimes I wonderwhat the hell I’m doing here. I’m a joke.”

“Don’t say that. You’re keeping this production afloat. That’swhat you’re doing here.” She picked up the chair again and went on her way.

Carly laughed beneath the dark cloud still looming. “Yeah, you andI both know that’s not true. I’m trying to pass as someone who knows what she’sdoing.”

“You’re a good actress,” Lauren said plainly. “You bring a lot ofbullshit with you, and people put up with it, for that one reason. You’reamazing at what you do.”

A tiny breeze could have blown Carly right over. “Wow. Thank you.”

“And after our trouble today, it means a lot that I’mcomplimenting you. It means that what I’m saying is true. So you have to ignoreEvelyn, because the play is blossoming with the work you and Ethan are doing.She’s been the problem, the one not committing to character.”

Carly was mystified. It was so rare to get to hear Lauren’s actualtake on things. Carly wanted to know more, needed to. She longed to know whatmusic she liked best, who her early influences were, what she did at night whenshe left The McAllister. There was so much ground to cover, but first sheneeded to internalize the words Lauren had just gifted her. “Thank you forsaying that. I feel like I keep trying to connect with her, but it goesnowhere, and it’s hard to develop an onstage relationship if you’re gettingnothing back.”

“Let me know if you ever need someone to run lines with you.That’s actually part of my job, believe it or not.”

“Really? You do that? I thought when you said so that first day ofrehearsal you were just being polite.”

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