Page 60 of The Trade

I let out a huff, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “Okay, what I’m trying to say is—I’ve been drilling the wrong fucking material into my head for the past two hours.”

“No shit?”

“Yeah, man. I’ve been diving into Unit 4 when we’re only on 3.8 right now,” I say, the stress of the situation settling in. “No wonder none of this shit rings a bell.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.” I rub my temples in frustration. “Especially since I put off studying to spend more time with Jade.”

A flicker of understanding crosses his features. “Shit, was it at least worth it?”

“Yeah. It was . . . really good.”

“What’d you guys end up doing?”

I pause for a moment, my lips curving into a twisted smirk. “Oh, uh . . . batting cages,” I say, my mind replaying the rest of our night in vivid detail. “It was cool.”

“Sweet, I’ve been wanting to go for a while. Maybe we could make it a group thing?” He glances up at me, enthusiasm filling his voice. “You know, invite Shan and the others?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure, man,” I say, a noncommittal shrug rolling off my shoulders. My mind’s still too full of Jade to truly engage in the idea.

His eyes narrow at me, his playfulness replaced with a piercing gaze. “Yeah, alright.”

“What?”

“You’re really not into Shan anymore?” he asks, a single brow raised in blatant doubt. “Not even a tiny bit?”

“Nah, man.” The truth of my words sits heavily in the air. “I’m all about Jade now.”

As I say it, I’m hit by a sharp pang of regret. The thought of willingly allowing Cam, or anyone else on the team, to have a shot with Jade—well, it’s ridiculous. Laughable, even.

“Seriously? You’ve known her for what, a month?” He sounds cautious, almost wary. “You’ve been mooning over Shan for three fucking years, dude.”

“Think of it this way,” I say, my gaze steady on him. “If I really wanted to be with Shan, I would’ve made an actual move by now.”

And that’s the crux of it. I had plenty of opportunities, countless moments where I could have made a real, true effort with Shannon. But something always stopped me. There was always a barrier, an invisible line I never wanted to cross.

With Jade, though, it was different. I was like a river drawn to the sea—I wanted her, and I pursued her without hesitation. That has to count for something, right?

“True,” he concedes after a moment, a thoughtful look crossing his features. “I mean, I thought you just ‘didn’t have time to date.’”

“Yeah, but I can make time,” I assert, my voice firm. “For Jade, I’ll make the time.”

“You sure about that?”

Am I sure? I mull over his question. The school year is winding down, and summer looms over the horizon. Jade’s planning to return to Washington, and I have a football training camp here. That inevitably means time apart.

But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe the separation will be good for us. She’ll have her family, and I’ll be engrossed in training with my teammates. Granted, it’s not the ideal situation for a new relationship, but at least it will offer us a chance to concentrate on our individual lives before we plunge into our senior year.

But that’s assuming we’re still . . . together by then. The thought sends a strange jolt through me. It’s an uneasy possibility that I’d rather not entertain, yet I can’t deny its existence.

Fucking hell, I sure hope we’re still together.

“I don’t know, man,” I finally admit to Cam, allowing my confusion to bleed into my words. The whirlpool of thoughts distills into one simple, powerful sentiment. “But I’m sure as hell gonna try.”

After all, there’s no blueprint for this. There’s no guaranteed path to ensuring we stay together through the summer or even the rest of the school year. It’s new terrain, and all I can do is hope that my earnestness, my genuine feelings for Jade, will be enough.

Sure, it’s a risk, but it’s one I’m more than willing to take. For Jade, I would wager it all.

---