Page 119 of Spring Tide

“Oh.” I’m fairly certain he just stole the air from my lungs. “I guess that’s a pretty good answer.”

He reaches for my hand, pinches his eyes shut, retreats without touching me. “Do you think you could find it in your heart to forgive me?”

“I forgive you.” I slowly breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth—one long, deep exhale. “I-I’m just not a hundred percent sure where to go from here.”

“Okay.” He awkwardly scratches at the back of his neck, rigid in his seat. “Well, um, I think you should know that I’ve been seeing someone.”

I work to keep my bottom lip from trembling, shock and confusion coursing through me. “What?”

His brows shoot up. “God,fuck, I mean ... not like that. I mean I’ve been talking to a therapist. Coach set me up with someone, says I need to work on my mental fortitude just as much as I need to build myself back up physically.”

He wrings his hands together, tension pouring out of him. “So I’m out of hands-on practice for the rest of the regular season, but now I’ve got PT twice a week, plus my meetings with a mental health counselor. I’ve only been going for a couple of weeks so far, obviously, but I think it’s been really good for me.”

A profound sense of pride courses through me, enveloping every negative thought and emotion I’ve had over the last three torturous weeks. If losing me is what it took to kick Luca’s ass into gear, then I’m so fucking happy to know it was all worth it in the end.

“Wow, I’m really glad to hear that.”

“And, uh, I talked to my parents about everything that’s been going on. The injury, the money, my brother ... They’re getting him the help he needs. And they’ve also worked out a payment plan for Giorgie’s gym. My therapist helped me realize that I’ve been taking on way too much this term.” He reaches for me again. This time, we both let him pull my hand into his lap, tangling our fingers together. “I-I know you’ve told me that from the beginning. I really should’ve fucking listened to you.”

I squeeze his hand. “I’m so happy for you, Luca.”

“Thank you.” He gives me a lopsided smile, one that warms me up like my favorite blanket. “You know, I wouldn’t have ever gotten to this point without you pushing me.”

“I hate to ask, but what about the draft?”

“Coach says I might still be able to play in a postseason all-star game. That is, if I keep healing the way I have been. Then I can do the Combine in February and go from there. I still have a pretty fair shot.” He gives me a sheepish look. “I think, rationally, I should’ve realized that’s how things might work out. I guess I’m not used to shit going my way, so I tend to catastrophize ... as my therapist so kindly pointed out.”

“It’s fair. You’ve had it rough.” I lean into him, pressing my cheek to his bicep. “I understand how scared you must have been. Believe me, I really do.”

“Sorry, that was ... a lot about me.” He chokes out an awkward cough. “How have you been?”

“It’s okay, you deserve to worry about yourself for once.” I cross my legs, twist a strand of hair between my fingers. “But I’ve been okay. My internship ended on a great note. Finals were okay. I’ve actually been spending a lot of time with Eden since her breakup with Fletch. We’ve been having fun, but ... I don’t know, I feel like a piece of me has been missing since we ended things.”

“So do I.” His hand leaves mine, fingertips grazing against my cheek, caressing me. “Do you—would you maybe want to try again?”

I suck in a breath. “I do want to be with you, but ...”

“I get it, it’s okay.” He pulls his hand back, squares his shoulders. “You don’t have to say it.”

“No, Luca. I’ve had my time to think, and I want us to get back together.” I lean closer, pinning him with the most serious look I can muster. “But when things get rough, you can’t speak to me like that or push me away ever again. From now on, we deal with all of our problemstogether. As a team.”

“Together.” He nods his agreement, a broad smile stretching across his face and sparking an ember in his eyes. “Always. I fucking promise.”

36

LUCA

In the beginning,I never could’ve imagined myself falling in love with Harper. I’d like to think it happened gradually, but the truth is I think I’ve been in love with her for a long while now. I just wasn’t able to admit it to myself.

It’s not a feeling that generally comes easy for me.Love. God knows I’ve been burned by it before. But loving Harper, the girl bathed in sunlight, feels as natural and effortless as breathing in my sleep.

I’ve learned and grown from my mistakes when it comes to her, to my family, to my health. They’re mistakes I’m committed to never making again. Losing her—spending those three agonizing weeks apart—showed me how important it is to keep my head on straight.

When I’m overwhelmed now, I’m dedicated to finding a solution, one that doesn’t involve me breaking my own back in the process. My new therapist is a godsend in helping me with that, among the many other issues I’ve been facing lately.

I’ll admit it’s been difficult coming to terms with ending my season early, but spending this last week with Harper has lightened my mood considerably. She’s cheered me up in almost every way imaginable. And her forgiveness is something I won’t take for granted.

This is our first weekend back together, and I’ve been racking my brain for a way to thank her. Something that’s affordable but memorable. Something that might make her smile.

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