Page 116 of Spring Tide

I nod, a spark of hope blooming inside of me. “Okay, you got it.”

By the time Harper finally walks toward me, it feels like I’ve been waiting in this open doorway for hours. She looks so fucking beautiful, even with her eyes all puffy and red-rimmed from crying. The sight of her like this, heartbroken because of my actions, has me regretting the day I was born.

As she steps closer, her expression is guarded, both hands shoved into the pockets of her hoodie. Stella doesn’t bother to return with her, but I can see that she’s left the door cracked open just down the hallway.

“Did you need something?” Harper asks, blinking up at me.

“Other than you, no.” I fight to keep my voice from cracking. “God, Harper, I’m so fucking sorry for all the careless shit I said to you earlier. I didn’t mean it. Not a fucking word.”

She wrinkles her cute little nose, sniffling just once. “Sorry, but it’s pretty hard for me to believe you right now.”

“I was hurting, and I took it out on you, the one person who really didn’t deserve it.” I grip my crutches to keep myself from stepping toward her, fingers blanching. “If I could take it back, I would in an instant.”

She angles her head. “Which part?”

“All of it. Everything.”

Her eyes pinch closed, and she gives me a sad, watery smile, one that immediately sends a pang of discomfort through my body. “So you changed your mind, then?”

“There was nothing to change my mind about.” I’m pleading with her now, willing her to believe me despite my earlier cruelty. “All that shit I said was so far from how I really feel about you, about us. I swear.”

“That’s not what I mean.” She blows out an impatient breath. “I mean, you changed your mind about talking to your coach. And what, now you feel bad that you broke up with me over it?”

“I did change my mind.” I balance on my right crutch, running a ragged hand through my hair. “I realized you were right all along, but it’s not just that. I never should’ve asked you for space when you were just trying to help.”

“Okay.”

My throat constricts. “Okay?”

“I get that you regret it, but I still don’t think you understand the extent of how your words affected me. You wouldn’t even let me tell you that I love you, Luca. You said that I fall in love like it’s ahobby, like my feelings and emotions aren’t just as fucking real as yours are?”

She steps back, gaze locked on mine, and I can feel the full magnitude of her sorrow. “And maybe I haven’t gone through what you’ve gone through, but that doesn’t mean I don’t face real problems, too.”

“I know that.” I wince, a bone-deep ache settling in my chest. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I think you’re perfect. Everything else I said today was a lie. And I do, I do believe that you ... love me.” My voice drops to a tortured whisper. “Or that you did before I fucked everything up. I just wasn’t ready to hear it at the time.”

She frowns. “So what are you saying exactly?”

“I’m saying that I want you back.” My next inhale burns right through me, scorching me from the inside out. “And that I’m sorry. And that I was wrong, about all of it. If I ever have the privilege of hearing you say those words to me again, I’d never fucking take them for granted.”

I watch, heart bottoming out as a range of emotions flicker behind her eyes—anger, frustration, helplessness, finally settling on an overwhelming sense of disappointment.

“I don’t know, Luca. You really, really hurt me.” A single tear stains her flushed cheeks. “I thought I could trust you. I thought I could count on you, but you broke my heart.”

“I know, baby. I know.” I balance on my crutches, shoulders drooping. “I panicked, and I let you down. I understand if you can’t find it in yourself to forgive me for that.”

“Maybe you were right, anyway.” Something soft and broken washes over her expression. “Maybe we’re just too different.”

“No, I wasn’t right about anything.” My heart squeezes. “And I love our differences.”

“I thought I did, too. I think ... I think I just needmoretime to think. Why don’t you take care of yourself first, figure out your future, and then maybe we can revisit us?”

Raw, unfiltered emotion croaks out of me as I say, “And what if I wantyouto be my future?”

“Then I guess you shouldn’t have spoken to me the way you did this morning. How about you take that space you asked for, and I’ll do the same? At least for now.”

While I’m proud of her for standing her ground—for not allowing anyone to mistreat her and get away with it—my stomach curls at the thought of spending the rest of my life without her.

“I’ll give you your space.” I swallow back the pain and regret. “I’ll give you anything you ask for, but just know that’s not what I really want. It never was.”

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