Page 64 of Born for Lace

Of Lagos.

“Stay with me,” he suddenly blurts out, and I freeze.

What?

“Close to me,” he adds.

I hold my breath.

“In my room at night so I can protect you. Keep you safe. Keep you pure and?—”

“From being corrupted?” I blink at him, eyes agape with shock. My heart is thrashing in my ears now, discomfort dripping down my spine.

“Did he touch you?” he repeats, gaze heavy on mine.

Startled wordless, I lie through a slow, hesitant shake of my head.

As if regret rears up inside him, his eyes widen, and his hand drops from my cheek. “My apologies. Of course not. Excuse me, I have to pack the supplies.”

* * *

I repacked mybeibao. My mind spiralling from the conversation with Tomar. I am already second-guessing myself. He only wants to keep me safe and protect me from pain. The anguish that a man with the reputation of Lagos can easily cause me. I get it. I’m naïve, but not stupid, just inexperienced.

He was helping me.

Guiding and protecting?—

But… I sigh.

Sometimes, people speak with words, and other times, they speak between them. He spoke between them. And… I can’t decipher the message, but I sense withheld intent. I have always felt comfortable and safe with Tomar.

Now… I’m not so sure.

My stomach turns with uncertainty.

All I can go by are his words; he doesn’t want Lagos to touch me. Tomar cares for him and saved him once but doesn’t want him toruinme. I wish I could dissect what he means byruin.

By having sex? I already have. By enjoying it? That seems unfair; Maple enjoyed men. She wasn’t ruined! Was she? Is that why she died? All the terrible things that happened to her, was it punishment? I know The Trade would consider me somewhat spoiled if they knew I felt a man’s fingers inside me, but… Tomar isn’t Trade-aligned, and I’m no longer a Lace Girl.

None of it is clear.

Then there is the jealousy; Tomar’s stifled but obvious jealousy. Which makes no sense as he has a single-minded Purpose to help people. Why would he feel jealous? Women—and me by default— are a distraction, he said so himself. So why was he looking at me like… like he wanted to… to be closer to me. I don’t know.

Unable to hide down here any longer, with my clouded mind recalling our conversation, I decide to face him—them. The one who wants to shelter me, and the one who touches me when I can’t see him and hates me when I face him.

With Spero wrapped to my chest and mybeibaoslung over my shoulder, I head to the top deck. Tomar is pulling in a rod, and delight sparks through me when a shiny pink fish appears, flapping around on the hook. Its dorsal fin is split in two. Very pretty but odd-looking creature.

“You got one.”

He jerks around, his blue eyes brightening when he sees me. “Hey. Come over here. This is Salmonskip. Rare and tasty. You’ll like it. Do you, ah, do you want a turn?”

Looking at the webbing on the boat deck, I nod eagerly. “I have seen my Ward use nets.”

“Give it a go.” Tomar reaches for Spero, then realises the tiny bundle is literally attached to me. “I can take the boy if you want?”

“It’s okay.” My chin hits my chest as I peer down at Spero, snuggled up and blinking heavy lashes at me. “He’s nearly asleep.” I look back at Tomar, pride in my face. “I use my neck wrap, and it keeps him fastened to me. And I can use my hands. It’s how I helped Tide…” I swallow over the lump his name causes. “It is how I helped Tide untangle his nets.”

“Clever,” he offers.

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