Page 89 of Beautiful Mess

Cole nods, the smile fading a little, and I can tell he’s uncomfortable.That makes two of us, buddy.“Yeah, I was hoping we could talk.” He glances over his shoulder, scanning the lobby, before looking back at me. “If you have time. I’m sure you’re busy.”

A bowling ball sized lump sinks to my gut, causing a wave of nausea to hit me. It’s been a week since Conway and I got back from New York, and I knew I would have to face Cole and deal with his wrath eventually, but a part of me was hoping it wouldn’t bethissoon. At dinner on our last night, after we made love, Conway told me about the talk he had with his son about us and assured me Cole is fine with it, but after the harsh message he sent me after he found out, I’m having a hard time believing that.

Not that I need Cole to be fine with it by any means—we’re all adults, Cole and I dated a long time ago, and Conway has made it more than clear that he wants to be with me, with or without Cole’s blessing—but it would be nice to not have this dark cloud of tension hanging over us.

“Sure.” I nod. “Let me grab somebody to watch the register.”

After Sara Beth comes up, I gesture Cole over to a table near the window out in the lobby. It feels safer than sitting in my office, but that’s only because I’m banking on Cole not being an asshole and causing a scene in public. Could very well blow up in my face, but I’m a chickenshit who has been dreading this moment, so it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Taking a seat across from him, I clench my jaw while I wait for him to say something. My skin crawls, and I wouldn’t even be mad if the ground opened and swallowed me up. I mean, he literallysaw hisdadfucking me on top of a washing machine. This is so awkward, I hate it.

Glancing around again, presumably to make sure nobody can hear us, Cole meets my gaze, his jaw tight as he exhales a breath through his nose and mutters, “Fuck, this is more awkward than I thought it would be.”

“My thoughts exactly.” I snort.

Heaving a sigh, he says, “Listen, Grace, I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Brow furrowed, I ask, “Sorry for what, exactly?”

In all the years I’ve known Cole, he hasneverbeen the type to apologize. For anything. Sure, when I walked in on him cheating on me in college, he threw out a few of them, but they very much werenotgenuine, and they were clearly meant to pacify me.

“Well, for a lot.” Huffing out a humorless laugh, Cole drops his gaze to where his hands sit on the table. He’s picking at the skin around his thumb, telling me he’s obviously uncomfortable. I don’t say anything, and after a few tense moments, he looks over at me again. “But mainly, I’m sorry for the way I treated you when we were dating. I treated you like shit and took you for granted, and you didn’t deserve any of that.”

Wow.Didn’t see that coming.

I don’t know what to say, so instead, I say nothing.

“I know it means nothing now, but that girl really meant nothing to me. And I’d like to believe I was truly in love with you but, to be honest, I don’t know if that would be the truth. Sure, I cared about you a lot. How could I not? We were together for so long, butlove? I don’t know if I even know what that means.” Cole huffs. “Pathetic, right? I’mmarried, and I’m telling you I don’t know what being in love means.”

A pang of sadness hits me in the chest for him.

Goddamnit, Grace. Now is not the time to have empathy.

“It’s not pathetic,” I say, unable to help myself. “I’m sure there are plenty of people our age who have never experienced love, and I’m sure it’s easy to confuse comfort and infatuation with love. I’m sure you love your wife, or well, soon-to-be ex-wife, I guess, even if you’re not in love with her. That’s not to say you won’t ever experience what it’s like to be in love.”

“But you think I don’t deserve that, huh?”

My face twists up as I sit back in the chair. “Cole, I’m not going to stroke your ego, and I’m also not going to lie to you either. I think everybody is deserving of love, but you have a lot of work to do within yourself before you should try dating anybody again.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that.” His shoulders sag and his gaze drops to his hands again. “I’m also sorry for the things I said after I found out about you and my dad.”

What is it with these Levine men and their ability to render me speechless lately?Obviously, for very different reasons, but Jesus. Never in my life did I think I’d hear an apology from Cole, let alone two in one day.

“I appreciate that,” I murmur, the discomfort creeping up again. “For what it’s worth, Conway never wanted you to find out that way.”

“I know that, but what I don’t get is why he wouldn’t just tell me about it from the beginning.”

Blowing out a breath, I say, “Well, I can’t speak for him, but my guess is maybe he wanted to wait to tell you what we were because we weren’t even sure what we were for a while. But also, your dad loves you so much, Cole, and I know he’d never want to hurt you. It’s entirely possible there was a small part of him that was nervous to tell you. Nervous you wouldn’t forgive him. And I would imagine that would crush him.”

Cole chuckles dryly, swiping a hand down his face. “You know, it’s really fucking weird talking to you about this shit.”

Breathing out a laugh, becausehe’s not wrong,I say, “It’s weird for me too, and we don’t have to. You don’t owe me anything, Cole. Not your friendship, not your acceptance. But Idothink you owe it to yourself, and to your dad, to not let this ruin your relationship.”

Quiet for a minute, Cole chews on the inside of his cheek, a contemplative expression on his face. “He’s a good man,” he says, meeting my gaze. “My dad. The best man I’ve ever known, actually.”

Attempting to swallow down my emotions, I murmur, “I agree, he is a great man.”

“You deserve somebody great.” Pausing for a moment, he says, “Even though I’m sure we never would’ve made it, you still deserved more, and you still do. And my dad…” A small smile tugs on the corner of his mouth. “I can honestly say you’re it for him. I’ve never seen him be with anybody the way he is with you.”

---