Page 77 of Beautiful Mess

Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I say, “We need to talk.”

Tossing the controller beside him on the couch, he sits back and grumbles, “Knew this was coming.”

“You’re acting like a douchebag lately,” I say bluntly, deciding it’s best to not sugarcoat it. I know we need to talk about my relationship with Grace, and I fully intend to before this conversation is over, but a discussion about the mess he’s found himself in and the way he’s refusing to deal with it is long overdue.

My son’s eyes widen, and his eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “Excuse me?” he scoffs.

“You heard me.”

His face screws up as he lets out a huff, but I don’t give him the chance to reply.

“Since the minute you got here, you’ve had this chip on your shoulder and this childish inability to own up to the mess you made. I know I raised you better than that, Cole. You cheated on your wife, then when you got caught, you acted like it was her fault. Like you’re the victim. If anybody understands a marriage not working out, it’s me, but instead of handling it like a fucking adult, you ran away and hid from your problems.”

“I didn’t run away,” he grits out. “She kicked me out.”

“What exactly did you expect her to do when she found out what you did?” When he doesn’t say anything, I breathe out a sigh and ask, “What’s your plan?”

“My plan?” He’s looking at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“Yes, Cole, your plan. You know, what you’re going to do from here. You can’t rot on my couch for the rest of your life, and I’d imagine your boss would appreciate you coming back to work sometime in the near future.”

Cole scoffs, sitting up straighter and resting his elbows on his knees. “Oh, excuse the hell out of me for taking some time for myself while I go through a huge life-changing event like a fucking divorce. Besides,” he adds, gaze hardening, “you don’t really have a whole lot of room to preach to me about anything, given your track record.”

I exhale sharply through my nose and clench my jaw, knowing whatever he’s about to say is going to piss me the fuck off. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“You couldn’t keep a relationship if your life depended on it,” he sneers. “That’s what it means. You’ve been divorcedtwice, and now you’re banging your mid-life crisis, as if sleeping with your son’s ex-girlfriend is a normal fucking thing to do.” Snorting, he adds, “Her parents must be real proud of her. Fucking a dude old enough to be her dad. Guess I dodged a bullet there, huh?”

“Watch your fucking mouth when you’re talking about her,” I growl. “You leave her out of this.”

“That’s just great, Dad. Truly.” Cole huffs out a dry laugh, rolling his eyes. “You fuckmyex-girlfriend, then have the audacity to tellmeto leave her out of this. What kind of a parent sleeps with their kid’s ex?”

“You’re right.” I drag in a deep breath before blowing it out slowly, knowing Cole has every right to be upset about this. “I should’ve told you about my relationship with Grace when it first started. You didn’t deserve to find out the way you did, and I’m sorry about that.”

“That’swhat you’re sorry about?” he asks, brow furrowed. “How about the fact that there never should’ve been a relationship between you two in the first place?”

“This wasn’t intentional, Cole,” I say, all bite in my tone gone. “I know you don’t believe that, but it’s the truth. This thing with Grace just happened, and if I could go back and make the choice to tell you about it sooner, I would, but I can’t. You’re my son, and I love you more than you’ll ever know. Hurting you was never, ever my intention, and I hope one day you can believe that. So, yes, I’m so sorry for keeping the relationship from you, but I will not apologize for how I feel about her.”

My heart pounds harder while I wait for my son to say something. Anything at all. His jaw is tense, shoulders rigid as I watch the wheels turn in his mind. After a long, tense moment, Cole stands up and takes a step in my direction, leveling me with a look I can’t read. “No fucking way,” he breathes out. “You love her.”

It’s not a question.

Clenching my jaw, I swallow around the lump in my throat as my stomach bottoms out.

“That’s why you’re not sorry for being with her,” he goes on, seemingly thinking out loud more so than talking to me. “Because you’re in love with her.” Laughing dryly, he hits me with a sobering stare. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

There’s no sense in lying. Not when everything else is out in the open. Nodding once, my chest tightens as I admit what we both already know. “You are.”

Cole brings his hands up, threading his fingers through the messy strands atop his head. “Wow,” he breathes. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“You don’t need to say anything,” I tell him. “I mean it, though. Iamsorry for how you found out, and I need you to know my feelings for Grace were never intentional, never done to hurt you. It’s obviously not ideal that she’s your ex-girlfriend, but with how long ago you two broke up, I hope with time, you’ll be able to forgive me and accept my relationship with her.”

“What relationship?” he drawls. “Grace ended it, am I right? After she left here in a hurry last weekend.”

My jaw pops as I grind down on my molars. “She did, but she’s going to come around.”

“You sound awfully sure of yourself.” Cole huffs out a laugh. “How do you know that?” The question doesn’t come out snarky, and his shoulders appear to have relaxed. He looks genuinely curious instead of pissed off, and that alone has me letting go of some of the tension in my muscles too.

“Because I plan to show her just how far I would go to prove how much she means to me. To prove I won’t hurt her like she’s been hurt before, that she’s safe with me and can let down her walls around me.”

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