Page 162 of The Pucking Wrong Rookie
Me: What’s the problem, Lancaster? I’ll be judging complaints today.
Ari: Ha. I just Lol’d. Blake gave me a look. As if that would ever be your job, Rookie.
I scoffed.
Me: It could be my job.
Camden: No, it could never be your job.
Camden: But it could be mine.
Ari: Well it can’t be Lincoln’s, and we know Disney is just his simpy pawn, so I guess you’ll do.
Walker: Did you really just call me a simpy pawn?
Ari: If the shoe fits.
Me: …
Lincoln: Look at Rookie, thinking he’s all grown up and able to … people.
Me: What does that mean? “Able to.”
Me: I have a tattoo on my penis. And a butterfly on my back, might I add! That completely counts.
Lincoln: Nobody wants to hear about your dick, Rookie.
Me: I would actually venture to guess by the ten million views I have on my burger ad that there’s a lot of people out there who want to hear about my dick.
Lincoln: …
Walker: …
Ari: Back to me, please.
Ari: I’d like to file a complaint against Lincoln “Golden Boy” Daniels for the misappropriation of my alter ego.
Camden: Maybe I shouldn’t be the judge. Because I’m really confused right now.
Walker: No worries, Hero. I’ll step in. But also, I have no idea what you’re talking about either, Lancaster.
Ari: Batman is what I’m talking about. BATMAN.
I snorted. Because out of all the things he could have said…that was not what I would have expected.
Wait a minute. I gasped in outrage.
Me: We said we weren’t going to discuss this with him, Daniels! We said this was a secret.
Lincoln: Well, evidently it’s not a secret when he gets stuck inside Blake, and I have to help him again. That’s very Batman type behavior, isn’t it?
Ari: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
Lincoln: Just because you dressed up as Batman once at a Halloween party…does not a Batman you make.
Ari: That made absolutely no sense.
Walker: It made perfect sense to me.
