Page 130 of The Pucking Wrong Rookie

Ari: I mean if you’re into tail play, I don’t think rat tails are usually what people go to, but again…good on you.

Me: I’m not into rats! She’s not into rats either. That’s the whole point!

Camden: I’m very confused right now. I think meat is involved.

Me: I’M GOING TO USE RATS TO SCARE HER OUT OF HER APARTMENT SO SHE WILL MOVE IN WITH ME.

There was a beat of silence as I stared at the phone, waiting for them to answer.

Lincoln: Well, why didn’t you say that in the first place?

Ari: Yeah, I mean your communication skills need major improvement. Who starts a text out asking how we feel about rats?

Camden: I know they were trying to be supportive, but no one likes rats.

Me: …

That was obviously exactlywhymy plan involved rats. Everyone was scared of them.

Walker: It’s true.

Ari: Someone get Disney a muzzle. It’s too much for me today.

Walker: I would say my feelings are hurt, but I’m still in possession of my two big toes and I have the cutest daughter in the world, so life feels pretty good.

Ari: …

Ari: Touché.

Me: Also, I need to borrow a Stanley Cupcake for this plan to distract Sloane.

Lincoln: I still can’t believe that’s the name we stuck with.

Ari: Walker’s preening right now.

Walker: Ooh, Olivia can help! I mean I don’t think we should mention the rats…or any other part of the plan. But she really wants to hang out with Sloane.

Ari: Hey, Blake wants to hang out with her too.

Lincoln: Monroe wants to as well.

Camden: Hey, I’m not as fast of a typer, but Anastasia loves Sloane and would definitely want to hang.

A warm feeling hit me hard. Fuck my dad. Fuck my mom for leaving me. But who gave a shit…look at the family I’d found.

Rubbing my chest at the sudden emotion, I finally typed out a reply.

Me: Sorry, Grampalicious, type faster next time. Olivia’s been chosen.

Ari: Starting a group FaceTime to discuss this properly. If I can figure it out.

I got up from the couch and walked into the other room so Sloane wouldn’t hear our discussion.

Lincoln: Someone else do the call. He’s never going to figure it out.

Ari: I resent that, Golden Boy.

A second later Camden was starting the group call. The first thing Camden said…

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