“Hate to break up the…party, party people. But Rookie needs to get on the bus.” Ari’s voice floated through the door, sounding amused.
I groaned, and she giggled.
“I’ll be counting down the hours until I see you again,” I murmured as I reluctantly pulled away so we could walk to the door.
“Me too,” she said back as I adjusted her necklace one more time, to make sure I got as good of footage as possible for when I needed my fix of her on the way back.
“I—” I began, before stopping myself.I love youwas bursting from my insides, but since I was getting on a plane and unable to calm her down if she got scared, I decided to wait to say it. “I’ll see you soon,” I said instead.
I would only be able to wait a little longer, though, I decided, taking one last look behind me as I pushed through the door that led to the outside.
Some words just needed to be said.
* * *
SLOANE
I was sitting next to Olivia, listening to the soft coos from her baby, Isabella, as we flew back to Dallas. The table in front of us was covered with colorful toys and a baby blanket as we tried to keep her occupied. I was trying to focus on the moment, trying to savor the innocent joy of watching a baby discover the world, but…I couldn’t help but think of the fact that I would never have this. The weight of it clung to me like a shadow.
Olivia gently bounced Isabella in her lap. She smiled down at her daughter, a soft, genuine smile that made her whole face light up. It was the kind of smile I wasn’t sure I was capable of anymore. The kind of smile that said everything was right in her world, even if I knew it wasn’t.
“She’s such a good baby,” I crooned.
“She’s my little miracle,” Olivia said, her voice full of warmth.
I nodded, forcing a smile, but I couldn’t shake the heaviness in my chest.
Olivia turned to me, her eyes softening. “Do you want kids someday, Sloane?”
The question hit me harder than I expected. My breath caught in my throat, and for a moment, I couldn’t speak. I stared down at the baby toy in my hand, twisting it absently as the silence stretched on. Finally, I swallowed and looked away.
“Nobody like me should ever be a mother,” I said quietly, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.
Olivia didn’t say anything at first, just watched me, her brow furrowing in concern. “Why do you think that?”
I let out a harsh breath, shaking my head as I set the toy down on the table. “Olivia.” I sighed, just deciding to get it over with. Logan would probably be mortified, but it was better that these girls knew now, than finding out later after I’d gotten even closer to them.
It would hurt more then.
“I’m an escort,” I whispered. “Or at least I was.” I shook my head, realizing how up in the air everything was at the moment. “My past? It’s too messed up. I’m too damaged. I would ruin any child. Just like…” My voice faltered, the truth too painful to finish.Just like I’ve been ruined.
Olivia’s baby reached up to grab her hair, and Olivia gently untangled her tiny fingers, her expression thoughtful. When she spoke, her voice was steady and calm. “You’re not ruined, Sloane. None of us are.”
I scoffed, looking away. “You don’t understand.”
Olivia’s voice softened, but there was an edge to it, something deep and raw that made me glance back at her. “You think I don’t understand?”
I didn’t answer, not at first. But something in the way she was looking at me made me realize she wasn’t just saying the words to make me feel better. There was something else. Somethingreal.
She adjusted her daughter on her lap and took a deep breath. “I used to think the same thing, you know? I didn’t think I deserved this—this family, this baby, this life. I thought I was too broken to be a mother.” Her eyes flickered with something I hadn’t seen before, something vulnerable.
I frowned, not sure where she was going with this.
“I was addicted to prescription drugs for years,” Olivia said quietly, her voice trembling slightly. “And that’s not even the worst of it. My manager—he raped me. And my mom? She knew. She betrayed me. I felt like I had nothing left, like I was too damaged to ever be whole again.”
Her words hit me like a punch. I stared at her, stunned. I’d had no idea. I’d seen the headlines in the past about her being in a conservatorship, but I’d never paid much attention to celebrity gossip, so I hadn’t known any details.
“And for a long time, I thought that made me unfit to be a mother,” Olivia continued, her voice thick with emotion. “I thought all of those terrible things I’d been through made me incapable of giving my daughter the love she deserved. But Walker…he helped me realize that those experiences didn’t make me less. They made memore. Because now, I know what I want for her. I want her to have the kind of life I never had. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she gets that.”