Page 80 of Queen of Ever

‘But surely you left people behind that you cared about.People you missed?’

He was silent for a long moment and when he stopped walking, I realised we were at our designated spot.I started to think he wasn’t going to answer me at all.‘I did.But it was for the best,’ he finally said, clearing his throat.

I knew he was giving me the short version; I caught the note of emotion in his voice, but I didn’t want to push him.‘You kept so much secret for so long.’

‘Well, yeah, I was trying to be human.’

‘And after?’

He shrugged.‘I wasn’t exactly keen to revisit my past.And yet, here I am, right back where I started.’

‘Sorry about that,’ I said, feeling a pang of guilt.‘But are you telling me you really don’t want to help these people—yourpeople?’

‘I didn’t leave because I didn’t care.I just wanted a life of my own, not something tied up in a losing war.Truth is, we never really had a chance at winning until you.’

‘I think you’re giving me too much credit.’

‘You have no idea how important you are, the significance of the magic you wield,’ Ethan said, and for the first time he sounded like he belonged with the other lesser fae rebels.

‘I know it’s important, but I can’t use it the way they need.Maybe if I had more time...’

‘Hey, don’t do that,’ he said, taking my hand the way he’d always done.‘You didn’t even know you had this power until a few days ago.If anyone really sat down and thought about how long it took to master their own magic, they wouldn’t expect so much of you either.’

‘I know,’ I said, not really feeling those words.Logically, I knew.But I still felt guilty that I couldn’t do what they needed me to do.‘They’re desperate.’

‘They’ve been fighting this fight a long time.They want it to be over.And hey, soon it will be.Maybe not in the way they expected but recruiting Tarian, the heir to the Unseelie throne?That was something no one ever would have thought possible before.That was all you.’

That was true.Honestly, I was still a little surprised by that, though I knew he was here for me more than anything else.It wasn’t that he didn’t care, I’d seen firsthand that he was perfectly capable of that, it was just that his priorities were different.But this would give us a shot and freeing ourselves from both Moriana and Solas.Andthatwas high on his list of priorities.

I flipped open my instructions from Cassian, placing it on the ground so I could refer to it as I positioned myself in front of the left wall.I let my magic free, let it feel what was around us.It was as if I could see what was buried beneath the soil; insects, stones, tree roots.A familiar presence seemed to reach out to me but I couldn’t quite identify it.

‘I’m glad you’re not going to be challenging either of those royal wankers,’ Ethan said, pulling me out of my trance before I could search that presence further.

‘Yeah, I’m glad, too,’ I said.As much as I wanted to help the rebels, the idea of fighting Solas—or worse, Moriana—seemed utterly impossible.EvenifI had full control of my magic, I’d never fought anyone in my life.Unless you counted the guy Tarian had sent after me in the human realm, but I was short one car for running people over with here.I certainly couldn’t use a sword or a bow.

And Moriana had my fiorainm.Even if I could beat Solas, which seemed unlikely, how would I be able to beat her when she had complete control over me?

But I wasn’t ready to admit that to Ethan yet.Or anyone else, for that matter.And since I wasn’t challenging anyone, the subject never needed to come up.

‘You don’t have to fight, you know.You could stay with the other civilians,’ Ethan said.It was then that I realised the floor next to him had markings on it, two circles, one inside the other, and some strange symbols in the space between them.They were glowing red, not enough to light up the space but enough that it was noticeable.

‘What the heck is that?’

‘My magic, of course,’ he said, as if I’d asked the dumbest question he’d ever heard.‘But don’t worry, it’s not visible to the enemy.’

‘What does it do?’

‘It goes boom,’ he said, grinning widely.‘Come on, the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can have a drink.’

‘You want to drink now?’I asked incredulously.

‘Of course.What better time to drink than when you’re preparing for battle?’

It was hard to argue with that logic, I supposed, though I didn’t know if I could do it.I’d be too worried about being drunk or hungover when the enemy arrived.It would have been far easier if we knew exactly when they were going to show up.Haddock was supposed to be looking out for that, one of the perks to having an oracle on side.But so far, he hadn’t been able to see anything.Something was blocking him, he said.If that was true, it did nothing for the anxiety that had been steadily knotting in my stomach since I’d agreed to help the rebels.

‘Where is Tarian, anyway?I expected him to be shadowing you since you finally took him back,’ Ethan said, and he was lucky Tarian hadn’t heard that.

‘He went to speak with Haddock.’

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