Page 24 of Queen of Ever

The sound of Arun’s name killed any reply with the reminder that I didn’tsavepeople, I got them hurt.I got them killed.

A moment later, we were out of the blast site and limping down a hall full of those fae who’d been lucky enough to get out, bent over and coughing, tending to bleeding wounds, or sitting on the floor in a daze.Ves leaned me against a wall, and I slid down it, grateful to release the determination to stay upright.He bobbed down next to me, his sharp-featured face looking drawn, quick dark eyes darting over me as he twisted his mouth.

‘Iron?’he asked, though from the look on his face he already knew that.

‘In my back… down my arm…’ I winced as I twisted my shoulder to show him, provoking the pain so much my vision danced with spots.

He sighed, as though this greatly inconvenienced him.‘That’s got to come out, then.’

‘Depends on… what outcome you’re hoping for,’ I said dryly.

‘That’d be right.You force me to pick a side and then immediately exit the fight.’He rose to his feet, dusting his hands against his pants.‘I’m going to find someone to help you so I don’t have to bloody do it myself.Stay here.Don’t die while I’m gone.Not after I’ve so greatly inconvenienced myself by getting you out here.’

‘Sure,’ I mumbled, my eyes already slipping closed against the drunken sway of my surroundings.I briefly considered trying to start digging the iron out myself.It’d poison me if it remained.Already was.But I couldn’t seem to force my eyes to open again, couldn’t make my body move.I could try to dissolve it, but my magic felt wispy and far away now, sunken so deep inside me and so diminished that I couldn’t grasp it.I thought of the healing springs beneath Dreadhold, the soothing relief of the water against the sting of pixie venom and bites.

‘At least I don’t want to lick a wall,’ I mumbled to myself, smiling slightly at the memory of Imogen’s wide-eyed alarm as I’d shucked off my shirt and told her to get in.That hurt to think of, in a pain more disturbing than what was eating up my body.But it was better than thinking of Arun’s grey skin and staring eyes.I got lost in dark of my mind for a while, spinning somewhere between the realm of memory and dream, to a place where I’d taken her hand instead of goading her, lead her to the water and gently washed the bites myself instead of standing across the other side of the room and watching her do it, frozen and repelled by how badly I’d wanted to touch her.I watched my fingers glide over her skin, following trails of water down her arms, the violet glow turning her shimmering and pale, watched the bite marks and scratches heal over like it was my touch that cured her.

‘You could have lived it this way,’ she said, looking up at me with luminous green eyes.‘Everything might have been different if you had.’

‘I wish I’d been braver.’

She smiled.‘But you’re obsessed with doom.’

I reached out to cup her face.‘Would you still have left with Solas?’

She regarded me steadily for a long moment but didn’t answer the question.‘Your turn,’ she whispered instead, slipping out of my grasp to step around me.She touched my shoulder, my back, her hands gentle as she seemed to examine the wounds.‘Do they hurt?’

‘Not right now.I think that might be a bad thing.’

‘Yeah, it probably is.’The sound of the waterfall trickling into the spring seemed to grow louder, like it was no longer imaginary.Like it was all real.‘Are you dying?’

‘Maybe.I’m not sure.’

‘Will I feel it if you do?’

My chest tightened.‘I hope not.’

One of her hands settled on my arm, her grip tightening like she was holding me firm.‘Then you’d better hold still.’Pain screamed through me as with her other hand, she dug her fingers into my back.

‘Shouldn’t we stun him first?Someone around here must have some giddy dust.’It was no longer Imogen’s voice but Vesryn’s, wavering with uncharacteristic uneasiness as I groaned through pain so vivid it had pulled me out of unconsciousness instead of into it.

‘No time.Hold him still if you want him to live.’

Ves muttered a string of profanities as he took hold of my other shoulder in a vice-like grip.I struggled against him as someone dug something sharp into my back again, tearing at me like they were trying to separate my soul from my flesh.

‘Come on, Tarian, don’t you want to live?’He shook me a little.‘You know you’d be leaving your title to me if you died.’

‘I’m not going to die,’ I snarled through gritted teeth.I could barely see him through the black spots bursting before my eyes.I wasn’t going to die when I didn’t know what it would do to Imogen.I wasn’t going to die after Arun had lost his life saving mine.

‘Good.Then stop fighting me and let the nice hobgoblin get the iron out of you.’

I summoned every shred of discipline I’d ever cultivated, a lifetime of trying to keep my magic under control by caging my emotions, stilled my body and tried tobreathe.It was only pain.Only physical pain.Something familiar, surmountable, something I could detach from as I did when I was being tortured.Predictable.Monotonous.Unremarkable.I left it there and went back to the spring.But Imogen was no longer within my reach.Now she was the one on the other side of the room, watching me warily, her expression guarded, saying nothing.I wanted to dip beneath the water line, but I looked down to find the spring dry, nothing but rock beneath my feet.There was no relief for me as I sank to the ground and wrapped my arms around myself, teeth chattering through the muted sense of throbbing agony that reached me even here.I couldn’t even summon the will to imagine her coming over to comfort me.Just endured it.

The pain began to recede, like the tide slowly leaving a beach, giving me space to settle back into my body.My eyes flickered open to see Ves talking to a bent, long-snouted hobgoblin with wickedly long, sharp claws.Drops of blood were dripping from them and falling to the floor, where it pooled in a small puddle.I had the sneaking suspicion that it wasmyblood.

I was on the floor, still leaning against the wall, the cold of the stone soothing against what remained of the ache in my back.Experimentally, I lifted my left arm, rotating the shoulder and feeling the dozen needles of pain burst to life but quickly settle again.The iron was out.I would heal.I staggered to my feet, prompting Ves to turn and eye me up and down.

‘Good, you’re conscious.We’re moving,’ he said, dismissing the hobgoblin with a nod.‘Evacuating.There’s iron and old magic spilling all over the place, and the thorns that thing cast off have all taken root and started growing.The court is going to be temporarily relocated.’

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