Page 34 of Queen of Ever

‘Attacked?’I repeated sharply.‘What do you mean?’

She let out a sigh, as if she was annoyed at herself.She hadn’t planned to tell me that, but she surely knew me well enough by now to know I wasn’t going to let her go without an explanation.‘Someone tried to kill me during the Equinox celebrations at the Summer Palace,’ she finally said.

‘What?’

‘One of the rebels.They were disguised as a servant.’

I’d been told she wasprotectedin the Seelie Court.I took a step closer to her, reaching for her without thinking, driven by a desire to keep her close, to keep hersafe.I closed my hand as she drew back a little, almost imperceptibly, reminding me that she didn’t want me to touch her anymore.I swallowed hard and dropped my hand, the simple action taking a surprising amount of effort.It went against my every instinct.

‘Were you hurt?’I asked when I’d mastered the impulse, studying her eyes through her mask closely, trying to read the answer.I would make someone pay dearly for it if the answer was yes.

‘No.One of the courtiers stepped in and stopped them.’She took a breath.Seemed to swallow something down.I was studying her so intently, trying so hard to push through the magic trying to displace my recognition to remember her face behind the mask, to compare what I could see of her eyes and her mouth with what I’d known of her before.

‘For a moment, as it was happening,’ she continued, ‘when Lord Niall stepped in, I thought it was you.But it wasn’t.’She swallowed again.I tried to speak.Still couldn’t find the words.Not words that wouldn’t make this worse.‘I thought you would come.But you didn’t.’

‘You’re the one who left,’ I said, and they were the wrong words.Too laced with anger.‘You should never have been in that situation in the first place.’My tone was sharp.I knew it was.But the reminder of the moment she’d run, left me unconscious on the floor andrun, had me by the throat.Ishouldhave been the one to protect her, and if she hadn’t left, I would have been.

‘What choice did I have?’she demanded.‘How was I supposed to stick around after you gave my fiorainm to the Unseelie Queen?You betrayed me, Tarian.’

Shame caught me as I stood frozen in the chill of her stare.I tried to pick better words this time.‘I know how it looks,’ I said slowly.How to defend the indefensible?‘But that isn’t how it happened.I wish you hadn’t run.I could have explained.I want to explain now.’

‘Maybe I’m not interested in what you have to say anymore.You showed me who you were when you kidnapped me.I shouldn’t have been dense enough to need showing twice.’She seemed almost taken aback when she’d finished blasting me, like she was surprised by the sting of her own venom.The silence hung taut, resonating with the faint drumming and occasional laughter drifting to us from the feast.I felt the threads of the conversation slipping through my hands, felt the certainty that I was about to watch her walk away from me.After all this time being gnawed at by the desperation to talk to her, I wasn’t prepared for what I would actually say.I wasn’t prepared for how my own anger and jealousy would curl around me, warping my words, demanding some kind of satisfaction.

‘Or maybe you were always going to Solas,’ I said, finally reaching the subject that had been scratching at me hardest.‘Maybe you were just waiting for an excuse.’

‘What the hell would make you think that?’she demanded, a note of disgust in her voice.

‘You’re engaged.’

Her brow furrowed.‘Engaged?’She snorted a laugh.‘To Solas?’The laughter continued for a moment.‘Where did you get that ridiculous idea?’

‘You declared it publicly at the blood-letting ceremony when you were called second.’

She blinked.Snapped her mouth shut.I was angry, but not stupid enough to miss the look of genuine shock on her face.It eased the grip of my anger a little.Maybe I hadn’t lost her just yet.Not completely.

‘Everything that brings the courts together is done with ceremony and meaning,’ I said.‘Nothing is without reason.Including the order of those adding their blood to the oath.Whoever succeeded Solas would be the next highest in rank, so his heir.Or his consort.’

‘I’m not engaged to him,’ she spluttered.

‘You didn’t know?’

‘Of course I didn’t know!Do you think I would just fall in love with you one minute and agree to marry someone else the next?As if my experience with you hadn’t served me with enough sullen royal fae wankers to last me a lifetime?’

Maybe she’d meant to provoke me more, but I was too stuck on the phrasefall in love with youto care about being insulted.The coils of anger softened, curled back, gave me room to move, let in some light.Some hope.Fall in love with you.

‘Why are you smiling?’she demanded irritably.‘I just called you a wanker.’

I caught her hand.She started but didn’t pull away.‘You can call me whatever you want,’ I said, brushing back the lock of hair that had fallen loose in her rage.‘As long as you’re still mine.’

She bit her lip.Her eyes were bright with starlight.‘Please don’t,’ she whispered.‘Don’t do this to me again.I can’t take it.’

I wasn’t sure whatthismeant.The arguing with her.The touching her.The looking at her like she was sunlight and springtime and everything good that had ever lit the land of night.

‘Can we take these off?’I asked, already reaching for her mask.But she drew away, her own hands going to the laces.

‘Fine,’ she mumbled, ‘but only because whatever spell is on them is giving me a headache.’

And then the mask was off, and she was looking up at me and all of my recollections crashed down on me at once.Gold hair bound high on her head, a frown of anxiety on her forehead that I wanted to smooth away, lips I’d kissed until they were flushed and swollen pressed tightly together.I wanted her to smile.I wanted to make her blush, to see her flush with colour because I’d said something wicked and she wanted me.But her frown only seemed to draw tighter when I drew my own mask away.

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