Page 1 of Queen of Ever

Chapter 1

Imogen

Theworldhadn’tendedthe day my heart had broken.Here it was, another day, another sunrise, and still that ache persisted, that longing, that feeling ofwrong.Most days, it pissed me off.Not only had Tarian betrayed me, but I had to feel the consequences of that,livethe consequence of that, every day.Some days it fuelled me to study harder, to push myself further, to practice until exhaustion made it impossible to think.Other days, it made me wonder what the point of it all was.

And then sometimes, in the early hours of the morning when I’d barely slept for dreaming of him, it was an aching sadness that wrapped around me, that left me wonderingwhat ifas I pulled the shawl around my shoulders and sat on the marble floor of the balcony, looking out over the horizon.I couldn’t help my thoughts from wandering, couldn’t help asking the questions that hurt too much to dwell on in the light of day.

Did he regret it?Was he sitting at Dreadhold right now wondering where I was?

Did he even care?

I’d lost track of how many days it had been since I’d left him frozen in that sitting room, knowing I’d hurt him.But he’d hurt me too.

I chaffed at my arms as the cold nibbled my skin.How long was I going to mope like this?How long was it going to hurt?As the sun began to peek over the horizon, I knew that, at least for today, I’d get a reprieve.Tarian may haunt my nights, but the days belonged to me.

‘What are you doing up so early?’a familiar voice asked, the kindness in her tone making me feel almost guilty.

‘I couldn’t sleep.What’s your excuse?’I looked over my shoulder at the petite woman with flowing blond locks and youthful eyes stepping through the balcony door.Marietta physically looked like Solas, which made sense, since she was the Sun King’s sister.They shared the same golden hair, the same blue eyes, the same sharp cheekbones and sand-coloured skin, but she was so different in her manner.I’d liked her the instant I’d met her.There was something open and vulnerable about her that made me want to take care of her.

Although it felt more like she had been taking care of me.

She shrugged bashfully.‘I always get up early.I like to watch the sunrise.’

I patted the floor next to me before I realised it wasn’t exactly an appealing invitation, sitting on the cold floor when there were perfectly adequate chairs available, but she sat down anyway, crossing her legs with all the grace of a princess.She’d spent most of her days with me since I’d arrived at the Summer Palace.Sometimes I wondered if she didn’t wish she could go about her normal life instead of having to always keep me company, but she was good-natured enough not to say anything.

‘You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?’she said as she leaned back against the wall, her eyes on the sunrise, as if she knew looking at me would make me feel worse.

‘I can’t seem to help myself.’Every time I thought about him, I chastised myself for my weakness.How many times was I going to let him hurt me?And yet, that fundamental voice inside me yearned for him as if he was a part of me, a half of me that made me whole.Was that the price of the mate bond or the price of love?It was hard to know where one ended and the other began.

Marietta was one of the few who knew about my mate bond to Tarian.It was something that I was supposed to keep secret from the rest of the court, something I was never to talk about.Solas said it was something that could easily be used against me, and against him, since he was the one helping me.Not that I wanted a bunch of fae nobles poking about in my private business and whispering about it whenever I entered a room.

I ran my fingers over the golden cuff Solas had given me to cover my mark, and even as something in me rebelled against the idea of hiding it, I wore it every day.It was hard enough being confused about what Tarian and I should be to each other without other people getting involved.Though I was beginning to wonder if my head would ever be clear enough to see what my future was supposed to be now.

‘I know you don’t like to talk about it, but…’ Marietta began before trailing off, as if she was thinking better of asking her question.

She was right, I didn’t like talking about it, abouthim.But I was starting to think that not talking about it was worse, like letting a wound fester.‘It’s alright.What do you want to know?’

‘What does it feel like to be mated?’

I puffed out a long breath as the weight of the question sunk in.‘Coming right out with the difficult questions, aren’t you?’I contemplated it.She wasn’t looking for the feelings I was drowning in.She was just a woman who thought the idea of a mate bond was some kind of fairy tale.I’d thought the very same thing once.

A mate bond isn’t some fairy tale, Imogen.It’s nothing but a curse that siphons away your right to choose your own destiny.There’s no romance in a bond like that, only pain.

The remembered words kicked me in the gut.How I’d naively dismissed them at the time; they’d been spoken by someone who didn’t believe in love.But I had believed, so who was the bigger fool, really?

But I wasn’t jaded enough to think that everyone in this realm was like Tarian.Surely there were some out there who revered a mate bond as something special, something sacred.Surely there were some out there who would cherish their mate above all others, above all material possessions or titles.

Or crowns.

‘It’s an intense feeling,’ I began slowly as I chewed on my words, trying not to dash her hopes with my own bitterness.Because for that bright, fleeting moment when it had been good with Tarian, it had been perfect.Perhaps that’s why it hurt so much when it fell apart.‘It’s like a part of you awakens and you know that you were meant to be there with them.You want to be near them, to make them happy, to protect them.’

‘So, it’s like love?’

‘Sort of.It’s more of an instinct than an emotion, it makes you hyper aware of them.’

‘Did you love Tarian?’

I swallowed hard against the lump forming in my throat.The urge to lie danced temptingly in front of me, even as I knew I couldn’t.I could have said nothing at all, but I found my lips moving despite myself.‘Yes.’The single word came out as a whisper, and I closed my eyes against the pain that flared to life in my chest.

---