Page 63 of Prince of Never

‘What?’I demanded when I got sick of waiting for him to spit it out.

‘If you know how to break the bond, why haven’t you done it yet?’

‘As soon as I’ve finished that bottle, I’ll get right on it.’I took a mouthful, shrugged.‘If Imogen ever comes back, that is.’

‘You don’t want to do it.’

‘No, I fucking don’t,’ I snapped.There.I’d said it.I’d admitted it.I couldn’t put the words back in.

‘Then don’t,’ he said simply, leaning back in the chair and crossing a foot over his knee.‘Find another way.’

I didn’t respond, just stared into my glass.Thought about throwing it.

‘You’d never be the same, Tarian,’ he added, his voice gentler.‘I know it’s common for mate bonds to be seen as some sort of burden now, but they were once thought of as a blessing.A miracle connecting two souls together.Breaking that kind of magic...’He shook his head.‘I don’t even want to ask what you’d have to do.’

I was glad he didn’t want to ask.I didn’t want to tell him.‘Do you know where she’s gone?’

‘She snuck out through a hole in the wall.’

I launched to my feet, almost dropping my glass.‘Into the Shadowmire?’Hadn’t she learnt her lesson by now?

There was just the hint of a smile in his eyes.‘She’ll be alright.She isn’t alone.There’s a halfling who’s been sneaking in to talk to her.They went together.’

I stared at him.‘You didn’t think that might be something I’d need to know?’

‘He seems harmless enough.He made her laugh.’

‘He?’

He raised his hands, like he could fend off my rage, and rose to his feet.‘I’m not getting in the middle of this.But I want you to think carefully about what you decide to do.’

‘I am.Why else do you think I’m drinking?’

He sighed, clapped me on the shoulder.‘You’re not going to find an answer at the bottom of a bottle, and I’m not going to watch you self-destruct.But if you get a few more glasses in and suddenly decide that going to find her is a good idea, I’m going to tell you in advance that it isn’t.You’re not an endearing drunk.’

‘Thanks,’ I muttered as he left me to finish my drink alone.

When he was gone, I pulled the vial out of my pocket again.I resented it and all the false choices it offered.I tried to imagine what it would be like if I took it.Would I be able to think of Imogen without this painful yearning?Would it at least clear my head?

I’d promised her that I’d send her home, but no matter how this played out, she’d never go home.

She makes you weak.

With one thumb, I popped the cork off the top and sniffed the contents.It smelled slightly of aniseed.I wondered if it would taste bitter.There was only one way to find out.Tipping it to my lips, I emptied it like it was a shot.It didn’t taste like much of anything, but it was thick, and it left a tingling sensation on my tongue, before it punched me in the gut a moment later.I shuddered and slouched low into the chair to wait.

Whatever the substance did to me, it did nothing to keep me from thinking about where Imogen was and who she was with.It did nothing to temper the restlessness that made me want to pace, made me want to punch something.Who had snuck into my home and made her laugh?Who had tempted her out of my protection and off to who knew where?I snorted at the irony of thinking I offered her any protection as I burrowed my way further into the bottle.What did she need protecting from more than me?

I took the bottle with me as I wandered downstairs and peered into the mess I’d left in the dining room, sipping my drink and wondering how much of the magic had eaten into the room above.Night slipped her silver fingers in through the windows, touching the destruction in shadowy moonlight as I stumbled through the debris, nudging rubble around with the toe of my shoe.

The blade of a steak knife caught the moonlight as I refilled my glass, and I rescued it from the dust and polished it against my shirt.Funny.I’d been imagining stabbing the Unseelie Queen with it not so long ago.

I tried to imagine turning it on Imogen.The thought made me shudder with revulsion.Was Dhrigada’s tonic working?I didn’t feel any different.Well, that wasn’t true.I felt at least halfway to drunk.But that didn’t have much to do with the starlight.I still couldn’t comprehend being able to look at Imogen without wanting to touch her, let alone standing before her ready to kill her.When she came back, I would see if it was any different to be in her presence.

If she came back.

I took the knife with me out into the gardens, held it in the same hand as the bottle as I stalked the boundary wall, looking for the hole Arun had been talking about.It took me a while, and another few fingers of the bottle, but I found it concealed behind an overzealous vine.And when I did, I sat down and prepared to wait.

I didn’t know what I was going to do when she came back.Maybe I was still hoping Dhrigada’s starlight would suddenly kick in and numb me of all sensation, all feeling, turn me cold and empty me out.Because what the hell was I going to do if it didn’t?

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