Page 64 of His Every Move

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

The door shut quietly behind him. I stood frozen in the peaceful emptiness of my apartment, suddenly feeling more alone than I ever had before. Chaos raged inside my skull. Tears I’d stubbornly held back broke free in a silent stream down my cheeks.

I’d let Benji into places inside of me I didn’t even realize existed. Trusted him more than anyone I’d ever been with. Allowed myself to feel vulnerable and hopeful, like maybe this time things would finally work out. Like I’d found something genuine.

But none of it was real. He’d been NightOwl this entire time. He’d played me like a piece on a chess board, moving me to where he wanted, setting up the game so that we were always meant to cross.

I sat on the couch as the tears exploded. It was all fake. Every connection, every touch, every whispered promise. A cruel illusion orchestrated by a man who claimed he only wanted to protect me.

And the sickest part of it all?

I had fallen for him.

Harder than I’d ever fallen for anyone.

And now, that fall shattered me into a million tiny little pieces.

Chapter23

Benji Morrison

I wantedto bash my skull against the brick wall.

A homeless woman shouted obscenities a couple of feet away from me. She stumbled toward me, yelling about someone named Susie. A speeding car slammed on its horn and nearly took out three tourists crossing the street without paying attention. A baby screeched from its stroller as an exhausted mother walked past me.

Chaos.

Hurt.

Guilt.

Anger.

It was like I stood in the center of an emotional tornado. My entire body hurt, down to my very soul.

I betrayed Eli. His rage—it was palpable. It was like heat blasting out of a furnace. I wanted it to disintegrate me. I deserved it. I was a fucking creep, an obsessed fucking asshole. I didn’t deserve Eli. He was too good of a person. He had his shit together, he had a life to look forward to, he had a heart of solid gold, a smile that was as bright as the sun. And then there was me, lurking in the shadows of his life, watching him, falling for him before he even knew my first name.

I tightened my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms.

I shouldn’t have drunk before meeting him.

I wanted another shot. If I couldn’t melt my brain against the pavement, then I’d do it by finding the bottom of a tequila bottle. I wanted to get so fucking drunk I’d wake up in two days not remembering any of this. Maybe that could ease some of the pain I currently felt. It would be enough to at least get me to the weekend, where I could drink myself back into the dark until Monday.

Next week, I’d start fresh. I could figure things out next week. I could maybe come up with a way to fix this. Was there a way to fix this? How would I ever be able to build up Eli’s trust again? I certainly was motivated to do it, but there were no guarantees he’d ever even talk to me again, much less trust me again.

“Fuck!” I shouted. The homeless woman lifted her head up from the trash can. “Sorry.”

She went back to digging through the trash, collecting plastic bottles and tossing them into the bag she carried with her.

I’d fix this somehow. I had to try.

But for now, I needed a drink.

I started walking toward the subway station. I wanted to get home—fast. The longer I stood outside of Eli’s apartment building, the more I was tempted to go back in there and try to make it right. I knew that he needed space, and I needed a miracle, but fuck, I just wanted another chance. Just one more chance to prove to him I wasn’t some psychotic monster. I was just a human who made a series of terrible judgment calls.

My chest still felt tight as I reached the entrance to the station. The idea of going underground, waiting on a crowded platform, pushing my way into a packed train, it made me sick.

Fuck the subway.I needed an Uber. I grabbed my phone and opened the app, about to order my car, when suddenly a text message popped up across the screen.

---