Page 7 of Aftermath

He made a face and adjusted in his seat. "I have it under control," he lied. "I have a session with Gale tomorrow. We talk…about it."

"About what?"

"About, you know." Austin's shoulder tensed up, and he got defensive, more anger spiking. "What about your own damn issues, huh?" He shook his head and stood up. "Never mind. I have to go."

Austin didn’t give Cam a chance to react before he left.

He knew he was being a coward, running away like that, but he couldn’t deal with it right now. In captivity, both men had tackled their problems whether they wanted to or not. It had gotten to the point where nothing intimidated them—not even weapons. They'd been desperate for freedom, for the chance of healing.

Four words had become their motto:"Gun or no gun."Regardless of obstacles, they'd fight for their lives. But now they were hiding. They couldn’t even be truthful with each other.

4

Gale, a patient woman, was in her mid-forties, Austin guessed. Wavy, black hair, brown eyes, kindness ever present, and red lipstick on her teeth. She could stare all day long, never breaking the silence that stretched on. She had asked him about his anger, and he didn’t want to answer. He didn’t knowhowto answer.

Austin felt like a damn fool for being here.

As much as he resented Jade for asking him to forget it all and leave the past in the past, he wanted to do the same. He wanted to go back to normal where he knew what he was doing. Things were simpler then. He'd wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, take Riley to school if Jade had an early meeting, then head off to work, crunch numbers, analyze statistics, hold meetings, report to the main office in LA, come home, eat dinner, help Riley with her homework, watch some TV, go to bed, on occasion make love to his wife… On weekends, they'd spend time as a family, go visit Riley's grandparents—do normal stuff together. There were barbecues, day trips, vacations.

Yesterday after he had left Cam's house, he'd been passive and silent while Jade prepared dinner. He'd pretended to listen to Riley's retelling of her day at the zoo with Austin's folks. Then, that night, he'dfuckedJade for the first time. Ever.

He had always been an attentive lover, but he didn’t feel it anymore. He had so much shit bottled up inside him; there was no patience, no tenderness, no foreplay. He had fucked her, plain and simple, and Jade had moaned in all the right places, but he wasn’t stupid. She hadn't liked it at all.

Austin wasn’t himself anymore, and it unnerved him.

Jade certainly didn’t like the new version of him.

"Things aren’t easy anymore," he said, shifting in his seat. Today was the first day in months he was wearing a suit. He didn’t know why he'd put it on this morning. Perhaps it was to feel more like his old self? Regardless, it wasn’t working. "There's no, uh…" He searched for the right word. "Stability."

"Understandable." Gale nodded. "It will take time to get back to what you're used to—if it'll ever happen. You need to remember that what you've been through has changed many things."

Austin didn’t need that reminder.

"How have you spent your days since you were released from the hospital?" Gale asked with a tilt of her head.

He sighed and leaned back, thinking mainly about Riley. "I've done what you suggested; I've spent time with my family. I've taken things slowly, readjusting and so on." He ran a hand through his light brown hair. It wasn’t as styled as it had been in the past. No wax. It used to be a lot shorter than the three or so inches it was now, and it was messy, to boot. There was also a night's worth of scruff, and he hadn't bothered with cologne or anything. He didn’t feel like it. "I've…relaxed?" He didn’t know why that came out as a question.

"You don’t like relaxing?" she guessed.

Austin shrugged. "It was easier when I had a routine to follow."

When Gale asked him what a "normal" day entailed, Austin told her—in great detail. From the breakfast he usually ate and how he got ready in the morning, to how they worked together in the evenings with dinner, homework, clearing the table, and going to bed.

"That’s not only about liking routines," she said gently. "It's also about being in control. You know what's happening around you, and you know your tasks. You prefer a well-oiled machine because nothing is strange or new. And, Austin—" she leaned forward in her seat "—you weren’t in control when you were held against your will. It's no wonder you're angry."

Austin said nothing, though her words did make sense. But it wasn’t only about that. He felt like…like a…damn, he didn’t even know. A failure? Maybe. Because in the past, he hadn't failed when it really mattered. He was a decent husband, a good father, and he could provide for his family. He made sure to take time aside with his girls, too. A weekend here with Jade, a weekend there with Riley.

Now there was no routine. There was a bunch of new crap, and…there was Cam.

He frowned and looked down.

Austin began to notice how fidgety and agitated Cam became the crazier their kidnapper turned out to be. He was repeating things to himself, too. Over and over, Cam would mumble about loss of control as he seemed to tap his fingers together. No, Austin changed his mind; it was the pad of his thumb that he tapped to his other fingers. Cam's…quirk…caused his cuffs to clink softly with each movement, andthatannoyed Austin.

In turn, Austin's constant pacing and need to check the bolts and screws in the walls seemed to irritate the ever-lovingfuckout of Cam.

"You're only making it worse," Austin snapped one day, referring to Cam's wrists. They were a lot redder than Austin's, even bleeding in one spot. "Jesus Christ. Why haven't the police found us yet?" He pulled at his hair, feeling like he was going crazy. "There has to be a way out."

"Yeah. Psycho only forgot to tell us," Cam said dryly.

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