Page 10 of Aftermath

Later that night, when it was only Cam and Bourbon in the house, the wounds of today's flashback were too fresh for him to relax.

All the windows remained open, screens in place to keep out the bugs, and the lights were on. But it wasn’t enough. Sitting on the bed in his living room, he struggled to not think back, to not feel like he was suffocating.

"I'm not Evan," he mumbled to himself, tapping his thumb to his other fingers. "I'm not Evan." Someone else was. "I'm not Evan." The profiler at the FBI had pieced together a lot about the motherfucker who had kidnapped ten guys, but all they had was an educated guess. "I'm not Evan."

His breathing wasn’t slowing down, but he hated taking a pill for his goddamn anxiety disorder. Before the kidnapping, he hadn't had an attack in so fucking long, and now they were ruling his life. But there was one thing that had worked in captivity. Or rather, someone.

He swiped up his phone and called Austin.

5

Riley had gone to sleep, the dishwasher had been emptied, the house was spotless, a movie was playing, and Austin couldn’t sit still. He was supposed to watch the romantic flick with his wife, but it was impossible to relax.

After his session with Gale today, he had called his boss at the main office in LA, and he'd been told not to come back yet. Take another month off, Mr. Sterling had advised, though it was more of an order. Another month. A wholefuckingmonth—with nothing to do.

"Christ, you're all twitchy!" Jade exclaimed in frustration. "Please, just…just calmdown." She was pleading with him now. "You promised you'd leave all that behind you."

Austin's jaw ticked with tension and he nodded, then faced the TV again and adjusted his glasses. Not that he watched. Now he had to physically make sure he didn’t move a muscle.

He neededsomethingto do. As much as he adored spending time with his daughter now that she was on summer break, he needed more than that. Something that was just for him. He was even sick of seeing his parents constantly popping in to say hello. God knew he loved them, but it was becoming frustrating to see his mother in tears. All the what-ifs were getting tedious.

Gale was right; he did need to take it slow, and he knew if he was running the show all on his own, he would soon be buried in work. Then, one day, he'd probably explode. But walking around doing absolutely nothing wasn’t good, either. Yes, it gave him time to process and heal, but it was also giving him more grays.

"You're doing it again," Jade snapped. "My God, just forget it." She shot up and shut off the TV. "I'm going to bed. Feel free to join me when you can act like a normal person."

Austin sighed heavily, his head lolling against the back of the sofa, and closed his eyes. Maybe he needed a release, he thought wryly. He could get his laptop and stream some porn, because unlike Cam, he sure as hell didn’t have a DVD collection.

Porn. Relax.

He groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. The other hand slid down his gray sweats to grip his cock.

His mind went to the hard fuck he'd given Jade last night, how damn good that had felt physically, and he pondered if that was something he needed in his life—a physical outlet. Something that exhausted his body.

He gave his half-hard cock a slow but firm stroke.

And just as unbidden thoughts about Cam entered his mind, his phone rang.

Damn it all to hell.

Dragging his body off the couch, he adjusted himself and headed to the hallway where his phone was charging next to the pile of unopened mail. The caller ID saidCameron Nash.

Austin grinned and checked the time before answering. "You're still the birthday boy for another hour. Thought you'd be out partying."

Cam wasn’t amused. "Do—do you have a m-minute?"

"What's wrong?" Austin was quick to wipe away any trace of humor. Worry spiked inside him, reminding him of Gale's question about whether or not he felt responsible for Cam. He'd never answered, because he didn’t know. "Are you having an anxiety attack?" For the past couple weeks, he had started reading articles and online journals about Asperger's on the internet, anything to understand more about Cam's disorder. It had freaked Austin out a bit in that metal cage, and he didn’t want to feel that way ever again.Control. "Tell me you've taken your pill." He knew Cam had medication for his anxiety disorder, but he also knew the guy hated to take them.

"Fuck that," Cam growled, breathing heavily. "Just talk to me. Tell me some shit about taxes or whatever."

Austin eyed the car keys in the bowl Riley had made out of clay when she was younger. "Take your fucking pill, or I'm coming over."

"That’s better." Cam forced a laugh. "You get me all distracted when you drop the f-bomb, Mr. MBA."

"Cameron," Austin warned and snatched up the keys to his black Mercedes. Next to the little bowl was a notepad, so he scribbled a quick note to Jade in case she'd wake up and wonder where he was. He wasn’t dressed to go out, but he didn’t care. Gray sweats, a black T-shirt, and his blue All Stars would have to do. Grabbing his wallet, too, he unlocked the door and snuck out.

"That’s just wrong," Cam groaned. "You don’t ever use my full name. But at least it's better than Evan."

Austin cursed as he got into his car. He guessed Cam was having flashbacks because he'd mentioned that name. While Austin hated to think back on those months as much as any of the other guys did, at least he didn’t panic. Cam did.

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