"You don't know? Or you're not pregnant?"
"I don't know because I didn't actually read the instructions. I'm too scared."
I wanted to laugh, but this was some pretty serious business and I think Ryan was on the edge of losing it. I reached around him, grabbed the instruction pamphlet, and opened it. There it was- two blue lines. I looked back at the test- two blue lines. I looked back at the instructions, just to be sure. Pregnant.
I just stood there and stared. It was true, I was going to be a dad. I was absolutely terrified, yet elated beyond belief. Right after my elation that I was going to be a dad came the elation that Ryan was mine. I thought of him as mine, but I was going to have to convince him of that, wasn't I? I wasn't going to force him into a marriage, of course, but I also did not want our child to be raised with a single parent when I was more than willing to publicly make Ryan mine. I knew Ryan was the man I wanted a long time ago. Still, if I asked him to marry me right now, it wouldn't go over well.
I turned to Ryan, and smiled. It felt like the biggest smile I've ever had in my life. I was deliriously happy.
"Well, I know what two blue lines mean."
Ryan still stared at me. I think he was actually even more pale now. I set the paper down on the counter and grabbed his hands. "Are you okay?"
Ryan shrugged his shoulders.
"What are you scared of?"
Ryan shrugged his shoulders again.
"That's not going to work anymore. Tell me what you're scared of." I squeezed his hands.
"I'm scared I'm not really pregnant and you're never going to have anything to do with me again."
My smile dropped. Did he really think that of me?
"And, what if you are pregnant? What are you scared of then?"
Ryan looked back up at my face.
"I'm scared you'll be with me just for the kid."
It sounded like I was a pretty shitty guy from his point of view.
"You don't know me very well, then. Actually, I guessyou don't know me well at all. I can guarantee that I'm not that type of person. You can even ask Eric how long I've wanted you. You can ask Eric about my treatment of anyone I've dated, or my overriding goal to never turn out like my dad. If you're looking for someone to stick with you no matter what, you've found the perfect alpha."
Ryan frowned.
"But you said that you're scared of commitment. You said that you avoided all relationships." Ryan stopped talking and just shook his head while looking down.
Maybe I shouldn't have confessed all of that.
"I know I said I was absolutely terrified of being like my dad and that's why I had avoided all relationships. I'm gonna give it my fucking all to make this work, though. I'm going to overcome my childhood experiences and stop being scared." I squeezed his hands. "Just because I'm fucking terrified now doesn't mean that I'm not going to ever overcome that fear."
Ryan reached out, placing his hands on my chest. " I'm glad you told me your fears. It makes you more human. I've admired you for so long, and you're kind of intimidating."
I smirked.
" I've had really shitty luck with every alpha I've ever dated and well, I guess I'm just being really stupid."
I hugged Ryan.
"You're not being stupid. You had a really big shock today. This is a lot to deal with. Besides, pregnancy causes the body to get emotional anyway. Let's go back in the living room and enjoy the rest of our ice cream."