Page 75 of Tide of Waves and Secrets

“But you are worried?” I guessed, popping the last of the pastry in my mouth.

“I am worried that you do not believe yourself ready to lead.”

I had not been expecting that.

She did not worry about my allies’ abilities to counter the queen’s narrative. She did not worry about me winning the challenge.

I said nothing, Aneri knowing me better than I knew myself. “It has been a distraction,” I admitted. “My training. The queen’s opposition.”

“A distraction from what concerns you the most.”

It was as if a dam had burst. What else could I say but the truth?

“I am young, for a queen. Neither of my parents were royalty before me, like so many of Thalassari rulers. I’ve made friends, and allies, at the palace, but have remained out of much of the politics with good reason, the nobles’ bickering over trivial matters of little concern to me. Yet as queen, I will not have the luxury of avoiding them, or the matter of Marek’s smuggling or the merchants’ demands for lower tariffs?—”

“Nerys?”

Without realizing it, I had stood up and begun to pace. Taking a deep breath, I sat back down.

“You are well-liked, but more importantly, well-respected. Treat others with that same respect, surround yourself, as you’ve begun to do, with those with similar values, and you will find your way. No one is truly prepared to be king or queen, in truth. Those who do, who are overly confident of their abilities, fool themselves, but not their subject. As for Marek, every ruler faces a reckoning between ideals and reality. Marek’s methods may be questionable, but he is loyal to you. His networks and influence could be invaluable, as they’ve proven these past days while the queen seeks to discredit you.”

As always, Aneri’s advice was crucial, and I would take it to heart. But her attitude about Marek was surprising.

“You have always disapproved of Marek’s more… questionable… methods. Yet you suggest I should turn a blind eye to them now?”

“Darling, Marek’s father was where the young man learned such methods. With no mother to temper him, someone had to ensure he did not stray too far down the wrong path.”

That we’d both lost our mothers, not a regular occurrence for immortals, was one of the things Marek and I had bonded over when we’d first met. And though his father was as charismatic and daring as the son, I understood Aneri’s position.

“You warned me many times not to allow our friendship to become something more.”

“Being friends with a man like Marek is one thing. Partnering with him, very much another. I quite like him, and always have, but he needs less admiration and more temperament from those who care for him.”

An interesting development. “I do indulge him a bit too much,” I admitted.

“As do most. And it is true, as queen, you will need to find a balance that will come only with experience. Shall we speak of another man now that you’ve stopped wearing a path into my garden?”

Rowan. Where could I possibly begin?

“He is more complicated than he appears,” I said. “I told you of the Deep Archives, but it was not the only time Rowan has kept secrets. Each time, he asks me to trust him, but it becomes harder to do so and no wonder why he is unable to confide in me.”

“He cares for you. And you for him.”

It was more than that. “I love him, Aneri. I did not, do not, wish to love a human. But despite myself, I’ve fallen in love with a mortal man. One who is not always forthcoming, and one who has said we are not possible. But then something happened, in the Archives. I cannot explain it, but there was a shift in him.”

Aneri stared at her hands, now crooked and wrinkled after so many years on Elydor. I was certain, as much as I knew about her, there were stories she’d not told me.

“I can say only one thing for certain.” Her voice was heavy with the weight of years. “Love, true love, has never been simple, or easy. Especially not in times like these, when trust and secrecy walk hand in hand. His hesitation may not be a lack of trust in you, but rather, a protection of the fragile threads he weaves. Consider that he risked much for your cause. The queen has put a mark on him, Rowan’s name now tied to your supposed treason. He has no hope of obtaining the Tidal Pearl from her now, if she were to somehow remain queen. Rowan believes in you, as I do.”

I bit my lip, the words resonating within me. I didn’t want to question my feelings for Rowan, nor the growing tension between us. But Aneri’s wisdom was undeniable. If he had any doubt that I would best the queen, would he have risked failing a mission that could see the Gate closed for good?

“I only hope that, whatever truths he carries, they do not come too late.”

“They rarely do,” Aneri said softly, rising to refill her teacup. “But the waiting—that is where the real trial lies.”

33

ROWAN

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