Page 21 of Bodybuilders for the BBW

Chapter11

Katie

This is why I hadn’t started dating again. Against the deep bass line of the music playing, I had spilled out all the details of my breakup. God, it wasn’t even a breakup. Dave wasn’t my ex. He’d made clear that there was nothing tying us together.

So why did I get up abruptly from the table and walk out of the burger shop?

“Katie!”

I heard Rhys’ shout as I slid into the driver’s seat of my car. One look in the rear vision mirror revealed him carrying my food out, but I knew now I wouldn’t be eating it. My mouth felt gummy, as if the grease and the sugar had coalesced into a gross coating. My throat worked as I turned the car on, but before I could take off, Rhys was there, rapping at my window.

“Retaliatory cheeseburgers, remember?” he said, holding the basket up hopefully.

“I’m good.” I forced myself to smile, because unless I wanted to find another gym, I’d see Rhys again. “Did you want some money?—?”

“No.” His hand landed on my window and I felt like I could trace every line there. “No, I don’t need that. I need?—”

“I’ve gotta go.”

This was why I didn’t like to talk about the whole Dave thing. The guy was a dickhead, a fact that was universally agreed upon, but what did that make me? I was the idiot who kept going out with him. Answered his calls, tapped back a reply when he texted ‘WYD’ at 3am in the morning. The woman who didn’t have enough self-respect to kick him to the curb like he deserved. Natasha and Mandie could slag off Dave all they liked, but they were damning me by proxy.

“I’ll see you at the gym,” I told Rhys, and then edged my car out into traffic. I wasn’t even going in the right direction, but right now, I didn’t care. I just wanted to get the fuck away from my confession, my feelings, everything.

When a tear rolled down my cheek, to say I was disappointed was an understatement. I was forced to pull over, and that’s when more of them came. Dumb tears, stupid tears, that felt like they tore their way out of my tear ducts, because Dave didn’t deserve a single one. I didn’t miss him, didn’t love him. I’m fairly sure I didn’t even like him, but what I really hated was what I’d let myself become when I was around him.

Well, no more.

Never, ever again would I let some idiot treat me like an afterthought. I did not have to accept anyone’s scraps. I deserved respect, love, to be someone’s number one priority, and I refused to settle for anything less. With a sharp nod at my reflection, I turned the car on, blew my nose, and then drove home. I hoped to walk back into an empty apartment, but instead, found I had a welcoming committee.

“How’d it go?”Mandie asked, springing to her feet as soon as I walked in the door. The wine glasses, the pizza boxes, made clear her ‘thing’ was entirely made up. “Drew texted me and said you went out for burgers with Rhys? How was it?”

My sister wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but she wasn’t stupid. As I stepped further into the living room, she took in my bedraggled appearance and her face fell. That was just as quickly replaced with fury.

“What did he do?” Her hands formed fists. “I might not be as big as him, but I will knock that fuckwit’s head right off his shoulders next time I see him!”

“For what?” I walked in and helped myself to a glass, pouring it full of wine. I drank that down, feeling suddenly thirsty. Anything to wash the taste of milkshakes and burgers out of my mouth. “For taking me out and buying me food while listening to sad stories?” Mandie made a small sound of distress. “I made it awkward, not him.”

“It’s not awkward if he asked,” she said, leaning forward.

“But he didn’t. He asked why I started to go to the gym and I…” I took another mouthful of wine. The astringent edge helped settle something in me. “I am not ready to date. If I can’t stop emotionally vomiting over near strangers, then I am clearly not over…” I couldn’t say Dave. That was too shameful to admit, even for me. “Everything.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Mandie moved in to give me a hug. “I shouldn’t have rushed you. He just seemed super keen, and I know he’s a good guy. I figured the best way to get over a guy?—”

“Is to get under another one?” That was my sister’s motto at high school. “Thanks, but that’s not how this is going to work. We had it right at New Year’s.” I flumped down onto the opposite couch. “I need to work on myself, get comfortable in my own skin.”

“And is that the way you were feeling before you told Rhys about Dave?” she asked. “Were you feeling comfortable?”

I shifted on the couch. As far as I was concerned, this topic was done with and I just wanted to drown my sorrows in a glass of wine, then go to sleep.

“I…I felt weird in the burger place. It was all cool with graffiti murals and pretty people sitting down to eat.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Mandie prompted a little more gently.

“I didn’t feel like I fitted in there,” I continued. “I was dressed in Dad’s old t-shirt for one.”

“T-shirts like that are worth big bucks now,” my sister explained. “People are really into vintage streetwear.”

“Right.” I looked over at her and saw this inquisition would happen no matter what, so I forged on. “I felt people’s eyes on me.”

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