Page 65 of Her Wolf of a Duke

“You do not, but there is no explaining that to someone that wants to think a certain way. If this is what you want, then we have nothing more to say to each other. Enjoy your gentlemen’s clubs, and all that comes with them.”

“Have dinner with me,” he said suddenly. “That would help, would it not?”

“I do not want you to socialize with me out of pity. I eat quite well as I am.”

She stood up to leave, but as she passed him he caught her waist and pulled her back gently, causing her to stumble into his lap. He expected her to stand up again, or to fight him off, but she didnot. Instead, she remained where she was, looking into his eyes as if searching for something that was long gone.

“It is not out of pity that I am asking you,” he explained softly. “Emma, I know that I have not been a good husband to you thus far, but at least now you know why.”

“A curse that is not real. Yes.”

He cleared his throat, not moving her.

“My mother never liked me,” he began. “Even when I was a small boy. She would tell me that she never wanted me, and that I was her greatest mistake. It was only when I finally made friends that I learned that mothers were not supposed to treat their children that way.”

Emma said nothing, looking into his eyes. He wondered if somehow she saw his father there.

“I have never been told why she did that to me, but now that we are married I believe I understand. My mother and father were… strange, and in a sense I wonder if she pushed me out to protect me. As a boy, I would always want to take care of her, and so when their disputes were at their worst, I would be the one to stand between them. She told me over and over not to, but I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t care what she felt for me, I had to do what I could. I think she did the same for me, by telling me she did not like me and I should not come near her.”

“Did it– did it ever work, if that was what she had wanted?”

“I suppose so, in a way. Then again, my father died long before I could see any difference.. It was strange to see, you know. He terrified me as a boy, and then one day he suddenly fell ill and passed away within a matter of days. To this day, we do not know what happened. He was a beast, and he was killed by something so simple as an illness. I have never quite understood it. I don’t believe I have ever understood anything about this family. That is why I wanted to keep you away from all of it.”

“Well, it is rather too late for that,” she pointed out. “We are now married, and I am a part of the Hunter family. Now, what are we going to do about that?”

“I do not know, for I had never expected anything like this. I do mean what I said, however. We could start by taking our dinner together.”

At last, she seemed as though she was considering it.

“It would be a start, I suppose.”

“Emma, I cannot be the husband that you dreamed of. It is simply not possible for me. I can say, though, that I can be better, far better, than I am now. I want to try.”

For a moment, he wondered if she might believe him. He hoped that she would, as it was the truth. He wanted to be as good to her as he could, even if it would never be what she deserved.He had done everything to avoid causing her pain, but she had cried regardless, and so it was perhaps better if he simply treated her as any other husband would treat his wife, even if he would never be able to do so correctly.

She remained in his lap, agonizingly close to him, and her weight pressed into him. She was the most beautiful lady that he had ever seen, and she was his wife. He should have felt like the luckiest man in England, but all he could feel was dread that he would one day ruin her even more than he already had.

“Very well,” she said suddenly, standing up. “If you wish to try, then do so.”

“I will. I want this to be easier for you.”

“You should want it for yourself, too. You told me yourself that you only ever do what is right for you, did you not?”

“That was before we were married.”

“Yes, and your behavior has not changed since. It is quite alright, you do not need to give me any grand displays of affection or any declarations. I know what this is, and I am happy with it.”

“But you will come to dinner with me, yes?”

“I will,” she nodded, and he swore he could see a faint smile on her lips. “Goodnight, Your Grace.”

“Goodnight, Emma.”

She left the study, closing the door behind her. Levi sighed, finishing her whiskey for her before regretting it in an instant. He had to stop reaching for his whiskey when he was unhappy, he told himself, as it was only going to make it all worse. If he was going to fight whatever was coming to him, he would have to try with everything he possessed, and he was determined that he would be able to do so.

And, if it was for Emma, he would find the strength to do it somewhere.

CHAPTER 22

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