Page 62 of Her Wolf of a Duke

“She passed away years ago,” Emma explained, suddenly feeling quite unwell. “My sister and I were very small. Sarah was but two years of age. My father did not take the loss well. He blamed her entirely, of course, and said that had she been stronger, theillness would have subsided and she might have given him an heir.”

“By the sounds of it, it might be for the best that he never had a son. My father was much the same as yours, I assume. Daughters count for nothing, and a son is everything. Unfortunately for him, he had six children and we are all girls. I couldn’t tell you where any of my sisters are now, though.”

“Did they all marry?”

“I do not know. I was the oldest, and so I was sent away to make the best possible match. From there, my husband did not allow me to speak with any other ladies. They would fill my head with thoughts, he said, which was not allowed under any circumstances. I never found them.”

Emma pitied the lady, even though she had a feeling that she had not been a good mother. She must have had dreams before, just like Emma had, and they had been ripped from her.

After their tea, Emma went out into the gardens. She needed the air, and she needed to be reminded of her friends. She wandered, trying to name the flowers as Dorothy did, but she was not as good at it as her friend. She watched the sun set, the bright yellow turning to orange and then red, and finally disappearing entirely and leaving the sky a deep blue. She left for dinner then, and ate alone.

“The Dowager Duchess takes her meals alone,” the butler explained.

“And the Duke?”

The butler seemed unwilling to answer.

“We hardly see him, Your Grace. He spends his days out.”

“Where?”

“His… his club, Your Grace.”

Emma sighed. Of course he would spend all of his time in his gentlemen’s club, no doubt enjoying those times where ladies became available. She had heard all about the escapades there from her father, who frequented them often himself, and it made her think of her husband flirting brazenly with other ladies.

She hated that the thought upset her, but that did not change things. Whether she liked it or not, her husband would only change for the worse. It was clear to her, more than ever, that she was destined for a loveless marriage and a lonely life. It was only a matter of time before what his mother had warned her about became true and he no longer allowed her to speak with her friends and her sister, and he became a monster. She did not want to believe it, but she could not help but be wrapped up in the chaos of it. She had always been so sensible, and yet for the first time in her life she felt herself believing in something so ridiculous, something she would have once scoffed at.

It did not help that three days passed, and she did not see him once. She did not want to care, as she knew precisely what theirmarriage was, but she did. She wanted her husband, she wanted her friend, and no amount of willing such desires to go away changed things.

And so, on the third night, sitting in the pale blue parlor room and holding a book that she could not bring herself to read, she wept.

She cried for the life that she could no longer lead, for the life that her sister would have that she wouldn’t know enough about, and for the friends that would inevitably be seen as bad influences that she was forbidden from seeing. She deserved it, she decided, for acting the way she had, but that did not make it easier to withstand. If anything, it only made it more difficult as she had nobody to blame but herself.

She was alone, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

CHAPTER 21

“You are a friend, but even friends can outstay their welcome.”

Levi groaned as he opened his eyes, hauling himself up from the ground. Leonard was standing over him, a plate in his hand.

“What time is it?”

“You would be better off asking me for the day,” Leonard joked. “You have been here since your wedding day.”

“Where else could I possibly go?”

“Home, with your wife,” he suggested, and Levi groaned a second time.

“We both know that I cannot do that. It would be wholly unfair to her. She already has my mother to contend with, though she is likely keeping herself hidden away.”

“I believe what you mean to say is that you do not want to contend with any of it, and so you are hiding here.”

“Is that a crime?”

“Perhaps it ought to be. Come, eat this.”

Levi looked at the blackened toast and the fish and wretched. Leonard had a wonderful cook, and so he knew then and there that Leonard had made it himself.

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