Page 54 of A Recipe Called Home

“What is it, Jules?” Miles face was contorted with concern.

Jules was about to hurt him, again. She hated herself for it.

“I need to be honest with you about what happened the summer after we graduated, and you might not look at me the same after,” she started.

Miles tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes as if to say,What do you mean?

“Instead of going to our graduation ceremony, I left for Nebraska to live with my mom,” she continued.

“Yeah, I think I knew that. You left because of me. I’m so sorry I messed everything up." She held up a hand to stop him.

“You don’t have to explain. I know why you did what you did. Just please listen. You’re not the only reason I left for Nebraska early." Jules looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. It was hard to look him in the eyes. How could she say this out loud? She hadn’t talked about it since that summer, trying to put it all behind her. Now, though, sitting across from Miles, the old pain welled up, threatening to consume her again.

Taking a few steadying breaths, she forced herself to say it. It had to be done.

“I went because I was pregnant,” she whispered, lowering her chin but still watching for his reaction. Miles’ entire body went rigid, and he sat up ramrod straight, a puzzled look on his face. “I found out the morning of prom and was planning to tell you, but then, you know...so, I decided moving away would give me time to figure out what to do.”

Jules took in a long, steadying breath, stealing herself for the worst part. The part that still haunted her dreams and kept her from having any meaningful relationships since.

“But it turns out, I didn’t have to decide anything. I lost the baby a few weeks after."

For a long moment, Miles said nothing.

“I understand if you’re upset. But back then, I thought you didn’t want to be with me. That your silence was a way of telling me you didn’t care,” she said, feeling relieved it was now out in the open but still terrified she’d lose him all over again. “But now I know differently. I’m so sorry for not telling you, Miles.”

This time, she met his stare, trying to convey the depth of her regret through her eyes.

Miles looked down at the black and white striped rug tucked under the couch before closing the space between them and wrapping his arms around Jules in a deep hug. Jules could feel a tear escape down her cheek, but she didn’t care. For a moment, they just held each other.

“You’re so strong,” he said into her neck. “I can’t imagine how hard that was. Jesus, Jules, I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone.”

“Do you hate me?”

“I could never hate you.” They drew back to look at each other. “I have always loved you. I never stopped.”

Jules felt as if she were weightless, like a vise had loosened and she could breathe again. Without thinking, she told him that she loved him, too. And she meant it. It’d always been Miles. They could never be friends because they were meant for so much more.

Miles brought his hand up her neck to clasp the back of her head as he guided her to his lap. His lips covered hers in a kiss so intense, it drew the breath out of her. His hunger burned as he ran his other hand under her shirt and up her back, greedy for more. It was as if they were eighteen again, before they had secrets and could freely love each other.

Finally, Jules found the missing ingredient she’d been searching for all these years. One that she still craved.

Jules wrapped her legs around his waist as he lifted her up and carried her to his bed, lips never leaving hers. In the room, he lowered Jules to the bed, straddling her on all fours as he looked down at her with a gaze so deep it bored into her soul. He expertly lifted her shirt and unclasped her bra, taking them both off over her head in one fluid motion. Jules watched as he leaned down, taking her breast in his hand and closing his mouth around her nipple. She let a soft moan escape before he trailed his tongue down to her belly button and lifted his head to look at her. His eyes were an intense shade of green she’d never seen before, but it made her ache for him even more, and she squirmed in excitement under his weight.

“Don’t move,” he growled, pinning his hands on either side of her hips as his mouth continued down her stomach until he reached the waist on her jeans, which he unbuttoned and slid down.

“I want to taste you,” he whispered, lighting a blazing flame of heat low in her body. She wanted him—no, needed him more than ever. As he took her in his mouth, Jules wove her fingers through his hair and wrapped her legs around his upper back, lost in his touch.

Jules didn’t notice him remove his pants, but she thanked God he did, because she was close to the edge of control with his face between her legs. Before she knew it, their eyes locked again, and he thrust deep inside her as they moved together in a rhythm that felt natural, like their bodies had known each other over lifetimes. Jules grasped his back, and they came together, his muscular arms gripping her.

That night, Jules slept like she’d never slept before, deep and secure.

The next morning, bright sunlight poured into Miles’ bedroom through the row of windows behind his bed, waking them both. In their haste, they’d forgotten to close the curtains the night before. They rolled over to face each other, content but sleepy.

“Are you ok? Do you regret last night?” Jules asked. She knew it was too much to ask him to forgive her. He’d need time, of course, and she was willing to wait.

“No, I don't regret it at all. But I do have a question."

Jules froze.

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