Page 219 of Seer Prophet

“Gods, Allie…” He fell silent. “What the fuck were you talking about? What did that mean? That feminine shit you said?”

I didn’t answer. He knew what I was talking about.

I felt him wince, even as he shook his head.

“I don’t, though,” he said. “I really don’t. I know what you mean, but I don’t understand you. I don’t understand how you think I see you.”

I felt him wanting to say more.

I felt him struggling, fighting with what he wanted to say.

When I felt more grief on him, I frowned. “Revik, it was just a question. I wanted to know if you wished I was different. If I was more like––”

“No.” He shook his head, grimacing. “No.Gaos.I don’t wish you were fuckingdifferent,Allie. How can you ask me that?”

There was another silence.

My voice grew a touch harder.

“Do you really need me to answer that, Revik? After everything?”

He shook his head, but I saw his jaw tighten. “No.”

The silence grew heavier.

Watching his face, I frowned, biting my lip.

“Revik, I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m not trying to make you feel like shit. But we need totalkabout these things… because they keep happening.”

I saw him wince. My jaw hardened.

“Can we just do that?” I asked. “Can we just stop dancing around this stuff? We need to cut the crap. We just need to cut the crap about all of it… including sex. We need to behonestabout this stuff. Both of us. Or we’ll never trust each other. Never.”

He nodded, wincing, not quite meeting my gaze.

“I agree,” he said.

His pain flared at my words, and I found myself watching him minutely, seeing the conflict in his eyes. Something I could see there brought my own separation pain back, closing my eyes longer than a blink. I stared at him, and some part of me just wanted to stop trying to talk, for us to either fuck or leave and go see Lily and forget all of it.

He only lay there, looking at the far wall.

“What do you want, Revik?” I asked. “What do you want from me?”

I felt that fear in him worsen.

He shook his head, his breath catching.

“Allie, fuck. You didn’t…” His eyes closed.“Gaos.You didn’tdo anything wrong.I don’t want you to be different. I don’t want you todoanything different. I swear to the gods, I don’t.” He bit his tongue, pain rippling off his light. “I don’t know how to convince you. I don’t know how to tell you that’snotwhat this is about. All I do is fuck these things up between us, until nothing I say matters… you don’t believe any of it.”

I didn’t answer.

I mean, he was right.

I didn’t believe him.

I didn’t think he was lying to me exactly, but maybe to himself.

“I’m not, though. I’m really fucking not.” He turned over more and swallowed, pain in his eyes, pain coming off his light. “I know you don’t trust me. I know it’s my fault, Allie.”

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