Page 162 of Seer Prophet

I didn’t meet his gaze, but shrugged. “Doesn’t change the fact that I still don’t know what I’m doing, Revik. I don’t know how to give you what you want.” Biting my lip, I started to go on, then refolded my arms.

I practically saw him roll his eyes.

“Are you going to make me say it?” he asked.

“Say what?”

“Bullshit, Alyson.” His voice turned harder. “China.”

I gave him an angry look, but he cut me off before I could speak.

“Youdoknow,” he said. “And don’t even get me started on San Francisco.”

Knowing he meant Jaden that time, I grimaced, now hit by two different sets of unwelcome memories. Most of those memories involved events I’d much rather have left far, far behind. Not only the sex acts themselves, but how people reacted to me afterwards. Ditrini, in particular, went out of his way to humiliate me for things I did there, pretty much every chance he got. For him, the degradation was the point.

Of course, the fact that Ditrini featured in so much of what I experienced in China didn’t take away from Revik’s overall point.

But I also thought he was missingmypoint more than a little.

It was a lot easier to do that kind of thing when you didn’t give a damn.

“I get that,” he said, his voice lower. “I really do. It was easier for me, too.”

There was a silence.

When the silence continued, I felt him backing off with his light.

I also felt him politely and cautiously retract his offer.

Well, not retract it, exactly, but maybe let me off the hook.

Somehow, that didn’t reassure me either.

Both of our separation pain worsened in my light, even as I felt another part of me grow almost angry. I hated that I still wrestled with this crap. I hated that I was such a coward with him, that his past sex life still managed to threaten me and get between us. I shouldn’t have to feel shitty about this. Remembering some of the stories Cass told me back when we were in school together, even things me and Jaden had done––

“Allie.” Revik’s voice held a touch of warning.

I killed the thought.

“Sorry,” I muttered, folding my arms tighter.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “It’s fine. Really.”

I knew he was being a good sport, but truthfully, that only pissed me off more. He shouldn’thaveto be a good sport, not for this.

“I want to see Lily, too,” he said, his voice warmer. “Why don’t we talk about this later? We can have lunch with her, then go to that meeting on Dubai. I think we should still have it,” he added, pulling a long-sleeve shirt off the chair where he’d hung it, and shoving an arm into one sleeve. “It’ll just be a planning meeting now.”

I felt his light de-charge, even as he said it.

That worsened my pain too, but that time, I only nodded.

As I did, it occurred to me that we’d just survived our first marital fight.

The first real one, anyway.

Chapter30

Lily

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