Page 6 of Older Cowboy

“I remember,” Erika said on cue.

“We were lucky none of us were injured,” Bruce went on, and Erika found herself wondering which one he’d tell next. The time the next-door neighbor’s Doberman chased Blake? The time he caught a fox clawing around one of their shrubs to discover a nest of robin’s eggs which he then moved to a safer place? The time he climbed up too high in the sugar maple in the backyard, causing the thin limbs to give way and make him fall, breaking his left arm?

“Like that time baby boy broke his arm after falling from the sugar maple,” Nikki put in.

There it was.

Blake was “baby boy” just like she was “sweet girl.” Bruce took up the reins of the tale and told all the details that Erika had heard a million times over. How he’d gone up there when his dad was at work and his mom was busy using the vacuum cleaner inside the house. How he’d been screaming for who knew how long—Blake had been five—before she’d heard him. How she’d panicked and raced him to the local walk-in emergency clinic.

“We were lucky it wasn’t a compound fracture, or he would’ve been more in a world of hurt than he already was,” Bruce finished up. Erika had heard this so many times that she could’ve recited it by rote. Not that she said anything to this effect. She felt pretty certain the repetition comforted them, and she didn’t want to negatively impact anything by interrupting.

Or even by telling the truth about the number of times she’d heard it.

After dinner, they had banana pudding with no sugar added vanilla cookies—now this, Erika truly loved—and some unsweetened iced tea with lemon. All the low sugar stuff came from dealing with Blake’s diabetes for so long. If her husband—or their son—couldn’t eat lots of sugar, then they abstained, as well.

Also, every time Nikki passed a picture of Blake standing by his mustang the same day he’d purchased it, she patted it like it was the top of her son’s head. She did this now as she collected everyone’s dirty dessert saucers.

It kept Blake alive to them and to her. All this reminiscing and reliving how their lives had once been. It seemed like a sacrilege to do anything else, despite the comments some of her family and friends had unleashed.

She’d made the mistake of mentioning this little weekly ritual to others, and the results weren’t helpful. At first, her parents had been fine with it, even supportive. But everyone else had made comments that were just this side of snide.

One of the people she and Blake used to hang out with said, “It’s been years, Erika. Do you think that’s healthy?”

Even her parents had ultimately changed their tune. They said nothing against her relationship with Blake’s parents for ten years, then out of the blue spoke up.

“We think you should wean the Cantrells off,” her mom began.

“Wean them off? What do you mean?”

“Well…” Her mom had rubbed her throat, a classic sign of emotional discomfort. “They’re not moving on from this, and as long as they don’t, we’re afraid you won’t, either.”

Her dad hadn’t said a word, but she could tell from his expression that he agreed with her mother. It had infuriated Erika. Made her absolutely livid.

“Why don’t you let me worry about if I want to move on? It’s my business and nobody else’s.” She’d left their house and hadn’t gone back for weeks.

Since then, Erika simply didn’t divulge those particular details about her life to anyone. Really, it wasn’t anyone else’s place to tell her when she and Blake’s parents should give up mourning him. No one else had loved him like they had. No one else truly understood. Nor could they. Blake Cantrell had been the love of her life and soulmate. She’d known it within seconds of meeting him.

That was why—she was sure—dating never worked out for her. No other man could hold a candle to Blake. No one had his shy smile or told jokes the same way. No one else had ever kissed her like his life depended on locking his lips to hers.

No one could ever compare, so why should she even try?

Besides, Erika’s life was good. Sure, her job wasn’t all she’d hoped it could be, but she’d soon be altering that reality. Permanently. As soon as she finished her Doctor of Nursing Practice degree, she’d be good to go. She’d already met the requirements Montana demanded otherwise. She’d completed the courses in pharmacology and disease management. She even already applied for Prescriptive Authority so she could prescribe medications just like a doctor.

Erika had dotted every I and crossed each T. Now, in the next three months, with the completion of her degree, she was within arm’s reach of her goal and dream to practice independently.

Yes, she and Tim Blum now got along fine. He didn’t cut her off or refuse to listen to her as he once had. But despite the improvement of that working relationship, she wanted more. She wanted freedom. She wanted to help her patients as she saw fit without the necessity of someone else lurking over her shoulder.

After all this time, Erika couldn’t believe she was almost there. But she was excited. Thrilled to finally get there.

She even put out several feelers for little medical offices that she could run by herself. Those had been few and far between in Rocky Ridge. To the point that her realtor kept asking her if she wouldn’t consider larger locales like Billings or even Bozeman. But Erika had zero desire to leave her hometown. Everyone and everything she loved was here.

Why would she ever want to abandon it?

Erika thought of her family and friends. She thought of the Cantrells. Even Blake’s gravestone was here in the cemetery just outside of town. For years, she’d gone to visit his grave daily. Over time her visits became less frequent, and now, she tended to only go monthly. Sometimes, less often. But she made a point of never missing the day they met, their wedding anniversary, or his birthday.

Those dates were sacrosanct.

And she knew his parents went, as well. Nikki and Bruce liked to bring him bouquets like she did, but theirs were silk instead of fresh cut flowers like hers.

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