Page 35 of Older Cowboy

Tim shrugged. “Well, I am. You’re not just competent and efficient as a nurse, you’re caring. You get along well with Julie and obviously Callie. And me, which isn’t always the easiest thing to do. But you probably need to think about it. Will you let me know by the new year?”

The new year, a little over a month away.

“No problem.”

Erika had so much to parse out in her brain, but she appreciated Tim providing her with an opportunity she’d never considered. If she could transition into her new role and treat the patients she wanted to treat, would it be worth it to stay? Should she? Erika didn’t know. She needed to process everything it might entail first.

But the concept excited her.

On her way home, Erika’s thoughts scampered away from the mechanizations of her job and toward her meetup with Cody. If that night wound up going as well with Cody as this just went with Tim, she’d be so grateful.

And maybe due to her past tendency to be pessimistic—a habit she just started attempting to break—but an annoying little niggle in the back of her psyche warned her that it would be highly unlikely to be that simple.

CHAPTERFIFTEEN

Rarely hadCody had less of a notion of what to expect from a one-on-one meeting. While he doubted she’d agreed to take the time out of her day simply to reject him in person and tell him to leave her alone, his track record with Erika wasn’t exactly anything he could write home about.

In truth, their time together had been so topsy turvy and unpredictable that even as he strode through the door of the barbecue joint, his heart thundered like a lightning heavy rainstorm. Still, the sight of her in a booth waiting with her back to the door made his ever-hopeful heart lift. She’d shown up like she said she would.

He refused to see her physical presence as anything but a good sign.

That was when he noticed her appearance. Erika reminded him of a bird who’d just fluttered off from an electrical fence that had sent a mild jolt through her entire system. Her hair had been mussed like she’d been weaving her hands through it again and again, and she jumped a mile when all he did was touch her shoulder.

“Whoa… It’s just me,” he said, hands up like a perp on a TV crime show.

Why was she so flighty and nervous? Her reaction made his own nerves ramp up to the degree that the grin he’d been wearing melted right off his face. Cody braced himself for the worst.

The only thing keeping him sane was the knowledge that she could’ve continued to act as if he didn’t exist, yet she’d responded to him when he’d texted. She reciprocated it quickly, too. No dillydallying or hesitation.

Yet he couldn’t help feeling anxious since even when things seemed to be fine—or even spectacular—between them, it hadn’t taken much to suck all the wind from their sails. And often that something came out of the blue to knock him on his backside.

“I have a lot to tell you,” Erika began, her complexion pale as she rubbed her palms together as though for the friction despite the toasty warmth of the room. “But first, I need to apologize, Cody. I’m afraid I haven’t been treating you fairly.”

Of all the sentiments she could express to him, those words weren’t the ones he would’ve ever guessed.

“Lately I’ve been evaluating some of the decisions I’ve been making, and I haven’t liked everything I’ve seen,” she continued. “Maybe this is too much information for where we are with each other, but I’ve been struggling for a long time. Struggling with my late husband’s death. But the problem with that is that I’ve been flip flopping on you in the interim, and that’s not okay.”

“I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling,” he said, tugging on her hands and placing them between his own for the heat. He didn’t know how long she’d been waiting for him, but hers were ice cold.

“Thank you, but don’t exonerate me just yet. I’ve been keeping myself attached to Blake. I didn’t even realize how much until I dated you. I’ve come to understand that what I’ve been doing isn’t healthy, and I want to change that. I check kids’ hearts every single day, but I wasn’t monitoring my own. Nor was I doing a good job with yours. That stops now.”

She paused, and when she pivoted backward in the booth to watch a fresh group of people come in, seemed to lose track of her thoughts. He squeezed her hand. Wanting to hide his wariness, he allowed his lips to lift into a smile.

“Go on. You were telling me all these things about your heart.”

Erika squeezed his hands back, then laced them together, something she’d never previously done.

“I don’t really know how to date the right way,” she stated. “My only frames of reference are the one bad date I had as a teenager prior to Blake, the couple of times I sat there comparing other men to my husband over the past decade and a half, and then you.”

“Did you do that to me, too? Compare me to Blake?”

“Maybe some. At the beginning. But then we were able to talk to each other like old friends at the dessert shop. And up in Billings when you held me in your arms on that dance floor, I hadn’t felt that cared for in forever. I became enamored with you right up to the point when I felt guilty, deceitful for—maybe I shouldn’t tell you this…”

“Tell me what?” he prompted.

“On our way home, I started to think of the good time I was having with you as cheating on Blake.” She shook her head and yanked her hands free, waving him off preemptively. “I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s how I thought of it at the time. That’s why I pulled away and retreated from you.” She peered up at him looking sheepish. “At the risk of sounding like some lame cliché, it wasn’t you, it was me.”

He chuckled, and while it was tinged with more of a nervous edge than he wished it was, it also made her release a tiny bit of laughter, and that relieved some of the tension surrounding them.

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