Page 31 of Older Cowboy

Boone wrinkled his brows. “What do you mean by that? How can someone you’re dating not be onboard with it?” He grinned as his eyes gleamed with wicked mischief, his mouth then configuring into a smirk. “You’re not stalking this poor girl, are you?”

“She’s not some young girl, she’s in her late thirties,” Cody snapped, as if that was the issue here. As if all his problems with Erika could be tied up in this neat bow that only had to do with maturity and age. His brother’s expression flattened into something more cautious at Cody’s strident tone. “Her name is Erika.”

He proceeded to inform Boone all about their trials and tribulations. About the spark Cody felt for her the instant he met her at Callie and Zeke’s wedding. At the sense of humor they shared. At her standoffishness that he’d originally believed to simply be a game of hard-to-get.

Then, he explained about their time at Sweet Everything when everything seemed to click. How being with her, talking to her, felt so natural and easy that it was as if they’d known each other for years. Maybealwaysknown one another.

How she’d ghosted him for weeks before finally, finally agreeing to go out on a real legitimate date up in Billings. How everything had been well, magical almost, it’d gone so beautifully. That kiss on the dance floor that had assured him of their chemistry. He hadn’t doubted anything about their connection. That was why it going sour struck him as such a blow.

“But then at the end of that next-level date, she shut me down and broke things off.”

Boone’s frown was back, but this time it looked more confused than anything. “Did you do or say something that she reacted strangely to?”

“No, man. That’s what bothers me the most. The entire thing start to almost finish had been wonderful. But near the end of it, she brought up her late husband and told me she didn’t want to go out again. She cut off all communication, and we haven’t spoken since.”

“A late husband?”

“Yeah. One who’s been dead for sixteen years.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Right?” Cody threw up his hands. At least his brother understood. “I don’t usually have any problems reading a woman’s intent, but in this case, she’s so back and forth that I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I’ve made it obvious that I’m interested, but she keeps blocking me with this lost husband stuff like she’s a D-man on the rink.”

D-man in hockey terms meant a defensive player, and most of the time, whoever played this position was huge in size and tough as nails. Erika might not meet the first qualification, but she definitely lined up with the second. At least as far as Cody was concerned.

“And you don’t believe her?”

“No, I do. For whatever reason, all these years later, she’s still mourning him. But deep down, I’ve been wondering if that’s just an excuse. If Blake—that’s his name—is the barrier she keeps around herself so nothing else can reach her.”

Especially not him.

Boone contemplated the coleslaw in a bag that Cody had dumped in a bowl, saw that the dressing hadn’t been dispersed, grabbed a big wooden spoon and started to mix it up. Cody watched him.

He hadn’t even been aware that the coleslaw needed more effort to be a finished side dish. He’d been so tangled up in his thoughts about Erika that everything else, including Thanksgiving dinner, took a back burner in his mind.

“Let me ask you something,” his brother said as he continued to stir. “Do you have big feelings for this lady?”

“Big feelings?”

Boone tossed him a look but explained anyway.

“When I’m around Kelsey, she’s all I can focus on. And when she’s not around, she’s all I can think about. I have to really concentrate out on the ice so I won’t be distracted. I want her with me twenty-four seven. I was on this wild road trip that kept me away from home for eight days, and even though we talked on the phone every day, it wasn’t enough. I was going crazy missing her.That’swhat I call ‘big feelings.’ Have any of those?”

Cody scowled in the general direction of the table as he swallowed. He didn’t meet his brother’s eye when he answered. “All of them.”

“Tell me this, then. Have you given it your best shot with her? Did you tackle all your opposition and line things up so you truly had the best shot on goal, even if that means you’ve gotta bleed a little? Or have you been acting like you’re stuck in the penalty box?”

That was a lot of hockey analogies, but Cody thought he understood. It was a brutal take in a lot of ways, the insinuation that he hadn’t tried his hardest. But if he was honest, he knew he couldn’t claim that he’d given it his all with Erika. Sure, her response to their date had completely thrown him off his game. Could competing with another man’s ghost, one she clearly loved, ever be a fair fight?

But what if he didn’t try to fight Blake? What if he simply fought for himself, for his right to let this woman know how he truly felt about her? Right now, she didn’t have any idea how strongly he felt or how deep his “big feelings” went. He should at least do that much. Give her all the facts so she could make an informed decision.

So, that was what he would do.

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

After searchingher soul and thoroughly thinking things through, Erika made a list in her phone of a step-by-step plan she would follow. Lists were how she’d stayed organized when she had several professional plates in the air at once, and she figured why not apply the same skill to her personal struggles, as well?

She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t thought of this before. So far, her plan had seven steps.

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