Page 25 of Older Cowboy

She had to tell him now.

“No, really. Wishing for what? You can be open with me.”

“I’m wishing I hadn’t kissed you on that dancefloor. It was inappropriate.”

“I believe I initiated that kiss,” he prodded her. He didn’t like the flat tone of her voice. “Do you wish I’d done it elsewhere? Like your front porch, maybe?”

He hoped that was all she meant, but she stayed silent. Not only that, she remained that way until the wordlessness between them stretched and strained, building tension that became this awkward invisible wall. A barrier he didn’t know if he should penetrate.

Cody was tempted to change the subject to something lighter, to gently knock down the new barrier she’d just erected, but he didn’t know how to accomplish the feat without making everything worse. Only after the pause reached a point of being painful did she speak.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He could almost hear the two additional words of, “out loud” in spite of her not saying them. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it tonight. Not after we’ve been having such a nice time.”

That didn’t mean she was taking it back.

“But you mean it. You regret kissing me,” he said, needing clarification. Had she just experienced a totally different afternoon and evening than he had? He’d noticed nothing troubling. Nothing at all.

Erika sighed. “It wasn’t the kiss. The kiss gave me the tingles. No, it was…” She trailed off, and he caught the gist. Or he thought he did. He sincerely hoped to be wrong as he brought up his supposition.

“Is this about your late husband?”

“Blake,” she provided. Like he cared right now.

“Yeah, him?” There was a bite in his tone that he didn’t know if he’d managed to disguise.

She must’ve picked up on it, too, because her next query was, “Would it be so unforgivable if it is?”

Unforgivable, no. But bad? Yes.

“You told me he’s been gone a very long time, though.”

“So?” she sounded defensive.

So? Was she serious?

“How am I supposed to compete with that, Erika? You sound like you’re still in love with him, as if he’s still this massive part of your life.”

Her back stiffened, probably her hackles rising. Well, she could just join the club. “What’s so wrong about that? I’ll always love him. And who asked you to compete with him, anyway?”

Cody blinked at her through the darkness, then twisted his head back to keep his eyes on the road. His heart raced, and when he heard the subtle crack of his steering wheel, he released his grip on it enough to keep himself from causing his vehicle any damage.

He felt stunned and blindsided as the lights of Rocky Ridge glowed in the ever-shrinking distance. Maybe he should’ve believed her when she seemed so hesitant to date him. Then again, it might not even be him in particular. Any man when cast up against this flawless vision of Blake would come up short in her sight. No other man could possibly win her over. She’d just made that abundantly clear.

It was Cody who maintained the silence this time. Because what could he say? What could he do to fight her love for another man’s ghost? How could he battle his memory when it would always be untouchable?

No, it appeared that Erika Cantrell wasn’t ready to date anyone else despite the evidence to the contrary he’d been collecting these past several hours. So, Cody might as well accept the inevitable.

He drove through the streets and lanes of the small Montana town, not even inquiring anything of her when he couldn’t tell if they should turn left or right. He simply made an educated guess and hoped for the best. He could always plug her address into the GPS on his phone if it became necessary.

Cody didn’t think talking to Erika anymore to be the best of ideas.

If he’d thought there’d been tension before, that was nothing to what pressed against him now. Still, he kept his lips sealed, even if those lips had so recently been locked with hers. He pulled up into her driveway. When she bolted out of the truck without another word, he didn’t chase after her, didn’t even move from his seat.

It was only after she’d closed herself up in her house and he’d gunned his engine to get out of there that he caught a glimpse of something unusual. He recognized that the coffee mug he’d bought for her—the one attached to the stuffed bear—still sat in the cup holder of his middle console. Erika had left it behind, just like she’d lefthimbehind.

Cody braked at the stop sign at the end of her road, blinking at the thing, at the evidence that everything had changed so quickly. How had the chemistry he’d been certain was there dwindled to nothing? Like a spark that had been stamped out with no warning.

Slowly, he lowered his foot to the accelerator again contemplating how it appeared that whatever might’ve been between him and Erika seemed to already be over. Almost before it began.

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