Page 97 of Between Us

Meera

You mean *IT*?

Like the big life decision IT?

Margo

Don’t keep us waiting, bitch

Meera

I’m calling you right now

Laughing, I fall back on my bed and answer the FaceTime call from Meera. Margo’s in the frame too, the sight of them makes me emotional all over. Shoving that down, I start talking as more of that weight lifts off of me.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Blake

It’sbeenalongday, I think to myself before grabbing my phone to check the time. When I see it’s only after four p.m., I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Yet nowhere near done.

Ignoring the unanswered texts from my friends, I check for any updates from my family, or a reply from Adrian.

Margo and Meera have been reaching out to me all day, seeming to anticipate the adrenaline crash I’m facing after the last forty-eight hours. I don’t mean to ignore them; I’ve just felt depleted of energy from the moment I woke up.

It was almost a relief when my brother called to tell us Arielle is in labor because I knew it meant my parents would be on the first plane there, and out of the house for a little bit. They were too focused on my brother to notice the first signs of my anxiety attack, or I know one of them would’ve sacrificed meeting their granddaughter to stay with me.

Thankfully, they didn’t ask me for a ride to the airport, and I practically shoved them into Bonnie’s car when she showed up to chauffeur them.

But the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on for the last few hours isn’t helping the deep-rooted fatigue crawling to the surface.

When that numb, dark feeling started to slither through my veins, and I had to sit on the shower floor crying for twenty minutes, I knew what I needed to do.

Call Catalina.

It’s rare that I ask for an emergency session, especially months into our therapist-client relationship. We were both proud I was able to recognize my journey toward healing is not linear, and probably a lifelong one.

More than anything, I was hoping it would help me pull myself together to see Adrian.

After I quickly caught him up on my family’s conversation, he declared a celebration—one for me. With my family and best friends, I’m no stranger to big birthday parties, and treating every swim meet as if it was the Olympics. But deciding on what I want to go to school for is somundane.

It doesn’t feel that way though, and of course, Adrian can see that.

In a lot of ways, going to talk with Catalina did help.

Like reminding me it’s okay to cancel plans sometimes.

‘A mental sick day isnotthe same thing as falling into old patterns. It’s a necessity for everyone,’ she finally said as a way to convince me.

I’m not sure how she knew I was already falling down that spiral, but it’s exactly where my mind was going. One of the things that worried my mom the most after I transferred out of SPA, was how little she saw Margo and Meera for a couple of months.

There’s always this lingering anxiety the further I go on this healing journey. It reminds me that I know what bad looks like, and at any second it can go back to that in the blink of an eye.

So, no one’s more scared of me showing symptoms again than I am.

But Catalina’s words were exactly what I needed to hear today.

---