Page 9 of Always Been Yours

Vivi

Taking a few more deep breaths, I slip my sweater on over my head and sit on the edge of my bed. Lexi won’t entertain more than five minutes of me locking myself in my room, but I plan to use every last second. I’ve been preparing myself for weeks. For all the questions that will be asked. For all the memories flooding my mind.

Where do we even stand now? Last time I saw him, I was about eight tequila shots deep before nightfall and none of us—Calypso, my brothers, Lexi, and I—stopped there. We each made some… choices that night. Some were better than others. I was drinking to help me loosen up in anticipation of seeing Grady for the first time since he left for college. To say I overcompensated would be an understatement.

There is a long stretch of time during the party that I don’t remember, and that’s probably for the best because what I do remember is horrible enough.

One second, I’m sitting on the steps of his front porch, trying to sober up at my mother’s request, and the next he was standing in front of me.

I’ll never forget what I told him no matter how much I wish I could.

”Ihateyou.”

He took a step back, as if I landed a physical blow to his chest.

“I really don’t know you anymore.” He chuckled but it was dripping with poison. “I’m embarrassed to have ever known you.”

I barked out a dry laugh. I was never the one who lied to him. I was never the one who cut the other out of their life. I was never the one who secretly spoke such ugly words about the other.

No, that washim.

And he was embarrassed to know me?

After all those years, I still knew where to hit. “The best thing you ever did was leave for college. I don’t want you here. We’re all better off without you.”

Grady stared at me for a long moment. “Don’t worry. I won’t be visiting very often anymore.”

“Good.”It hurts every time you do.“My wish for us every birthday is that you stay far, far away. It’s been that for years.”

Lie. Lie. Lie.

Grady stared at me like I killed his hypothetical puppy, before he softly nodded his head, and walked past me to the party inside.

I had never seen Grady close to tears and maybe I was still drunk, but I think I made him cry that night.

I went to my childhood bedroom soon after and cried myself to sleep. At some point, Lexi found me and curled up around me. Even when I got the last word, I somehow still lost when it came toGrady.

“You know, I’ve always liked Grady. Personally.”

Calypso snorts, then mutters, “Here we go again,” and fills her wine glass almost to the brim.

“No, we aren’t going there again,” I state as I snatch the wine bottle out of her hand. Lexi has only brought this up a few times in our ten-year friendship. The first time, when we were drunk in the studio apartment we shared and decided to lay our past out, once and for all. We needed to make sure we weren’t going to murder each other before moving in together. The other time was about two years after the vow renewal, Asher told us how he ran into Grady on the beach that morning and Lexi was trying to get something,anything, out of me about what happened on the Millers’ front porch. The provoking didn’t work, neither did bribing, threatening, or ignoring me. “We all know that you have always liked Grady. It was made painfully obvious when you guys had your tongues down each other’s throats at homecoming.” I can’t stop my eyes from rolling when I notice the looks Lexi and Calypso are giving each other over their wine glasses.

Lexi’s says,I thought she didn’t care.

Calypso’s response is,just as expected.

Lexi’s eyes cut back to me, and she gives me a shit-eating grin before declaring, “Trust me, Viv, there was nothing painful about making out with Grady.”

I know she’s trying to rile me up with intentions to get me to chug my wine, but I do it anyway. Drunk Genevieve doesn’t usually talk about Grady—I have anything related to him under lock and key—but who knows what will come out after seeing him. He still had some of his boyish features and softness the last time I saw him. I often wondered how that would transform into manhood. It was better than I could have ever imagined. “You’re disgusting.”

Lexi takes on a serious tone, but her features are still bright withmischief. “All I’m saying, maybe for the last time but probably not, is that Grady was the best guy I’ve ever made out with.” She puts her hand up in a ‘scout’s honor’gesture. “He was like, sixteen when it happened. Either the male population is really as hopeless as we have considered,” Calypso raises her glass to that, “or he’s just that great and has definitely only gotten better.”

“I don’t really understand how you decided those are the only two possible situations,” I say slowly, “but I’m going to put my money on the former.”

“It doesn’t matter what you think. It matters what me and Calypso think. And I think you should find out if he’s still a good kisser. What do you think, Lyp?”

Calypso is plating a serving of one of my favorites of her desserts—dream squares, also known as graham cracker-almond-mandarin-orange-coconut pudding-heaven. She offers me a plate and I know she brought it to soften me up. Unfortunately, I’ll allow it.

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