Page 7 of Always Been Yours

Most people can’t get Blake to have a conversation with them, but I can’t seem to make her shut up.

Stella should probably demand thirty dollars, if I’m being honest.

It’s not that I’m holding anything back from Blake though. I’ve never asked her to put distance between herself and the Davies siblings. Our childhood photo albums have just as many pictures of Vivi, Calypso, and the twins, Asher and Hudson, pasted inside as there are of my sister and me. Each one of them was as much her friends as they were mine. I’ll never understand why she felt so… hurt? Betrayed? Protective?

It’s not only that, but I can’t really tell her what happened when I have no idea what happened. It wasn’t one fight or one event. After I kissed her on her roof, I felt like I was on top of the world until everything I knew was spiraling out of control.

I wish I could say I don’t know who started it but that’s not true. I know I did. It was only a month or so after the night on her roof that I went to homecoming with another girl. Vivi was a grade below me so it wasn’t like I could take her, which isobviouslywhat I would have done. She was still in middle school when I moved into high school. Once we started going to different schools, it got harder to see each other, much less find time alone. It wasn’t that we were growing apart per say, rather we weren’t growing forward either. Things seemed to just go back to what they were before we ever kissed. I know it hurt her, no matter how much she tried to hide it. I don’t know why I asked Rebecca. She was cute and nice, but I didn’t like her. At that point in my life, Vivi was the only girl I had ever had feelings for. Sometimes I think too big of feelings for afourteen-year-old and maybe that was why I continued messing up so bad. Maybe I was just a really, really stupid teenager.

Either way, I’m pretty sure that she would have forgiven me for having a date to a stupid school dance.

The first night of winter break, we were all having one of our movie nights in their living room when Asher made some lame remark about how I kissed Rebecca at homecoming.

I know, I know. I was the one who kissed her when the girl I was pretty much determined to marry one day was at home and sad. I screwed up but Asher never could keep a secret.

I’m still not sure if her siblings or Blake knew we had kissed, but every single one of them knew that Vivi and I were closer… closer than just friends even though we werejustfriends.

That was the beginning of the end.

Things between us never fully recovered after that winter night. On the outside, everything looked the same. We spent countless evenings together and I brought her a cupcake on her birthday the final time that summer. We shared secrets and smoothies. We snuck into each other’s bedrooms more than once, wrapped under a blanket while I read to her with the help of a flashlight. But there were also days on the beach when I wanted to kiss her so bad but always chickened out. I wanted to apologize to her, especially when I caught her looking at me lost in her thoughts. Her mood would slightly change, and I always knew she was thinking it. I was embarrassed and cowardly, so I never told her how sorry I was.

The following year, I didn’t take a date, but I didn’t take her either, even though I could have.Shouldhave. But I didn’t want her to feel like she was the second option. Now, as an adult, I realize that was a stupid excuse for my fear.

But junior year… that homecoming was a doozy of a night in our friendship. I knew that Vivi would be going to her secondhomecoming with her new boyfriend–and eventual fiancé—so I did the worst thing I could think of.

I asked her archenemy—who isnowher best friend Lexi—to be my date.

One thing about Genevieve: she’s competitive. As am I—that’s the only way to make it as far as I did in any sport—but I used that to push me through my baseball career whereas Vivi focused more on the academic side of things and emotional warfare against said nemesis. Either way, we both love competition. Even if that competition is who can land the lowest blow. I also know that there had never been anything I liked more than riling her up and nothing gets a reaction out of her quicker than losing.

It was an ugly, endless battle with no champion. We were the only two people who understood,reallyunderstood, how to hurt one another and we used it against each other. I don’t know how to explain that twisted game to someone, even Blake.

But I know my sister and she isn’t going to let it go. Neither will my mother.

I open the garage door and park the Jeep. Out of habit, I open Stella’s door to help her out of her car seat, but she quickly reminds me that she doesn’t need help anymore. She’s started to ask if she can give up the booster all together, and since the answer is still a firmno, she has decided that she’s at least old enough to unbuckle herself. She isn’t wrong but it still hurts more than I care to admit.

“Stella, what should we watch tonight?” Daisy always looks toward her older sister for direction. Arielle and I were worried for a while that she’d shy away from forging her own path in the world, but we couldn’t have been more wrong. She doesn’t look to Stella out of fear or conformity. She’ll put her foot down and dig her heels in faster than anyone you know. It’s clear as day that shegenuinely cares about what Stella wants, especially since Arielle officially moved out a little more than a year ago.

They’ve always secretly reminded me of my other favorite pair of sisters.

“We should watchHocus Pocusagain! Millie loves it too!”

“Yesss! I call being Mary!”

“Yeah, okay. Millie likes to be Winifred anyway.”

I wait outside for Blake and her kids while the girls go up to their rooms to change and gather their blankets. It has only been a few weeks since we moved into the house, but there have been more than a handful of cousin sleepovers already. It’s those nights, more than anything, that have boosted their spirits in the last couple of years.

I start looking through a few more boxes to set aside when my mind starts to drift back to my failed marriage. A lot of the decorations were from the house we shared together. The silverware is from our wedding. The dish towels are the same ones from our honeymoon in Costa Rica. We didn’t share my current bed sheets, but they still were used in the townhome we shared in Phoenix.

I make a mental note to take the girls shopping before school starts. There’s some money I set aside to let them pick out some decorations and furniture. Home is wherever they are, sleeping soundly at night. I don’t care how many floral rugs andMy Little Ponyposters cover the new house if they love it.

Headlights brighten the garage, pulling me from my thoughts. Once Blake is parked, I open the door and begin unbuckling my oldest nephew, Leo. He’s already talking my ear off about all the plans he has for us tonight when I scoop him into my arms. Much like Stella, Millie’s beginning to crave more independence. I don’t offer to help her with her car seat, but I stay close by until she jumps out of the car. She doesn’t have it figured out quite as wellas Stella but she’s a bit younger.

I meet Blake in my living room as she sets her youngest child, Kayson, in his playpen. Stella’s looking at me over Blake’s shoulder with wide eyes. I huff out a laugh at her attempt at subtly.

“Soo,” I start, “we had a little eavesdropper the other night.” Blake lifts her head in confusion. “When we were talking about my job at the charter school.”

“Oh.” Blake blinks. “Okay…”

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