Page 1 of Always Been Yours

Prologue

Vivi

First night of summer, fifteen years ago…

I settle into my favorite sleeping bag while I listen to Grady fuss over the lantern not being bright enough. The silly thing has turned into a tradition in a way. Every year, Grady buys new batteries for it, even though we only use it for one night, and he’s surprised every summer by how dull the light is. He swears he doesn’t want me to get lost in the middle of the night when I need the bathroom.

We’re camping in my backyard, so I know I won’t get lost. I think Grady is scared of the dark, and it may be the only secret he’ll never admit to me.

I turn toward him, and the rustling of my cotton candy-colored sleeping bag pulls his attention to me. With my elbow on my pillow and my head propped up by my fist, I give Grady the longest, most exaggerated eye roll I can muster, simply for the fact that he worries when I’m annoyed with him. “You know that’s as bright as it’s going to get. We bought the damn thing for, like, five dollars at the toy store.”

Grady’s face warms to my favorite shade of pink, the blush thatseems to only happen for me. “I just don’t want you to get lost,” he says quietly, not making eye contact with me.

Grady always says he can’t see the stars as clearly if we leave any lights on.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because he’s too scared to hold my hand when it’s not dark. When we aren’t bundled up in our sleeping bags, staring up into the night sky. When I would be able to see the color that no doubt paints his cheeks when he laces our fingers together. When we can’t pretend we’re the only two people in the world.

Two years ago, on the last night of school, Grady held my hand for the first time.

Two years ago, I woke up to Grady smiling at me, with our fingers still intertwined, when he told me, for the millionth time, that I’m his best friend.

Two years ago, I realized being Grady Chase Miller’sbestfriend wasn’t good enough anymore—but it was better than nothing.

Two nights ago, I decided this is the year Grady is going to kiss me. We’ll be each other’s first kisses. ButIdon’t want to kiss Grady. That’s too risky. I’ve loved him since I was five years old, so I’ve had plenty of time to adjust to the idea of being more than just best friends—but I don’t think he has caught up yet. You know how boys are… dumb.

So, I want Grady to kiss me. This summer. On the lips.

He kisses me on the cheek sometimes—usually on my birthday, after I blow out the candle on the cupcake he’s brought me every year since I turned eight. The same year we started having our end of the school year sleepovers. One single cupcake to make a wish for the two of us. We split the dessert, and he begs me to tell him what I wished for. I never do, mostly because I’ve started wishing that he’ll love me like his mom and dad love each other.Before that, I used to wish we would be friends forever. I’m too embarrassed to tell him any of that, though.

He doesn’t know how scared I am to lose him, because all I remember, in my almost thirteen years, is Grady.

He’s kissed me on the forehead a couple times when we were watching movies in his living room, on the rare couple of occasions we were alone. I think he kissed my knuckles last year in the tent, but I might have dreamed it.

I pull my attention away from the dark curls falling into his eyes as I hear the zipper pull open. I look just in time to catch the pillow one of the twins throws straight at my face. “Hey! Watch it! Ugh, I don’t even know why I allow you to come on my camping trip.”

“Shut up, Viv,” Asher, the older of the twins, says as he makes his bed on the other side of me. “This isn’tyourcamping trip. If anything, it’s Grady’s. He’s the one who does all the work every year. Do you even help?”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” I mutter under my breath.

We’d invited both my brothers to stay in the backyard with us the first year, but they’d said no. Why would they want to sleep on the ground, in their own backyard, when their beds were right upstairs, they had mocked. Well,Asherhad mocked. Hudson just stood there, silently smirking in agreement. Exactly two minutes after Grady and I had gotten the tent set up and there hadn’t been any more work, they came barreling in the exact same way as tonight. Asher always takes the spot to my left and Hudson makes his bed to the right of Grady.

Even though it’s another tradition of its own, I can’t help the sinking feeling of disappointment that settles in my stomach. I know Grady will still hold my hand, but there’s no way I’m letting him kiss me in front of my brothers. I want the moment to be special, not traumatizing.

I look up from my hands twisting in my lap to find Grady’s dark eyes pinned on me. He has a small frown on his face, the one that pulls his bottom lip out without him even noticing. He knows I think he looks absolutely pathetic when he pouts like this, but the face secretly makes me want to give him anything in the world, if it means he’ll stop looking so sad. I don’t know why he’s looking at me this way right now, nor what I can do to make it go away though.

He turns his head toward Hudson and tells the group he’s going to go make us his famous hot chocolate. Then, without a word, he climbs out of the tent. Hudson follows to help bring the snacks out.

“Why is Grady acting so weird?” Asher asks while fluffing his pillow and getting comfortable for the night.

Grady

Two nights before school starts, fifteen years ago…

My eyes drift to Vivi again. I don’t know how many times I’ve looked at her today, but I quit counting around the time we all stopped for smoothies on the way home from the beach. I spend more minutes than I care to admit looking at Vivi every day, but not usually because it feels like I’m on the chopping block. Eight hours have passed, and I still can’t fight the nagging feeling that something is wrong. I’m sure none of her siblings or my sister Blake would notice because from the outside, everything looks fine.

She had me follow her along the shore with a little plastic bucket to collect seashells and shared smoothies with me on the walk back to her house, just like every year.

She’s in her honorary place next to me in the bed the six of us made on her living room floor, just like every year.

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