Page 10 of The Shadow's Soulmate

“What is it, beautiful?”

My stomach flipped. Beautiful. I wasn’t sure if anyone had ever called me that before.

“I want you. I really do. But I also want to know you. I need all levels of intimacy.”

His face went blank for a moment, literally turning into a swirling darkness with no features. Then it reformed.

“I’m not sure I’ll be very good at that. I may disappoint you.”

His voice was tight.

“Can we try?”

“For you? Anything.”

He perched on the end of my bed and looked at me. He seemed lost for a moment. This monster that I knew in my soul was powerful and dangerous, didn’t know how to deal with this. I was going to have to take the lead. But I wasn’t sure if we had time for pleasantries if my life was at risk.

“You told me you can see the future. Tell me about that.”

My stomach clenched at the thought of him seeing my death, and he seemed to tense, too.

“It’s a common ability in shadow demons. It manifests as we reach adulthood or earlier if there is some sort of dramatic event that draws it out.”

“When did it manifest for you?”

“I was 9.”

I cringed. So young. I said nothing and gave him the space to continue his story. For a minute, I thought he wasn’t going to speak again. But then he looked deep into my eyes and seemed to reach a decision.

“My father was a very angry demon. Full of rage. No ability to control his own emotions. My mother and I were at the whims of wherever his temper took him. One day, my first vision hit me like a hammer. He was going to kill her. Rage and rage at her until there was nothing left. So I killed him first.”

The finality of that simple last sentence hit me in the gut. A 9-year-old had known his father was going to kill his mother and had to make that choice to save her. Tears instantly rolled down my face.

“Don’t cry for me, beautiful. I’m a demon. It doesn’t mean the same for us as it does for humans.”

The edge in his voice told me that even if that was true, it had hurt him a great deal.

“That’s still a lot to deal with, even for a demon.”

“I suppose.”

He fell silent, and I watched him.

“And after that, you decided not to bother with emotions any more?”

It was obvious to me as a therapist the path that he’d taken. I’d seen versions of it a hundred times. He’d shut down.

“Yes. Emotions drove my father to states where he was completely out of control and hurting the people he was supposed to protect. I vowed to never be like him. I squashed them down. I have always tried to act dispassionately. To make choices devoid of feelings.”

“And now?”

“And now you have broken me.”

The ache in his voice made me sob. He reached out and wiped the tears from my face.

“You aren’t him. You know that, right?”

“I can’t possibly know who I am with feelings. What if loving you takes me down the same path? I couldn’t bear to hurt you.”

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